Feeding a 3 year old

[hannah2034]

Any advice for dinners? All mine will eat is Jack potatoes or pasta and I’m so sick of buying things, trying new dishes for them to go to waste because he says he doesn’t like it. Then he ends up having a bit of toast and a banana. I also need to consider what me and my husband will eat and I have a 4 month old so spending time cooking can be tricky. I’ve looked at toddler cook books but feel like all the suggestions are totally elaborate.

Cook what you want, put it in front of him, all sit down together and chat about your day, leave him to it.

They eat what you eat. No snacking if they are not eating their meals.

They have what you and your husband/partner are eating. Simple. If they are hungry they will eat

As PP have said. No choices, no alternatives.

Definitely all eat the same. You absolutely should not be making separate meals at that age. Then it doesn't matter if he doesn't eat it, as you haven't made it specially. We have family meals that I know my toddler will have a preference for, for example chicken curry, egg fried rice, spaghetti bolognaise, any pasta dish TBH, sausages, turkey chilli. If my DH / I want more spice or flavour we add herbs, chilli, soy etc to our own portion.
My DD loves sweetcorn so if we're trying something new I give her sweetcorn on the side so she has something familiar. And i serve the parts of the meal separately so if she wants to only eat the rice, that's fine. No pressure, no mentioning the meal - we sit down, we eat and she can eat what she likes. No alternatives. We give 'dessert' (greek yoghurt, fruit) regardless of what she ate from the main meal.
If he likes pasta, focus on pasta based family meals first. No salt then you can just mash/cut up the meals and give them to your baby once she's 6 months. Add salt to the adult portions once on the table.

I’d stop giving him the toast and banana. He’ll know that he can just wait for that if he doesn’t want to eat the dinner.
We serve our 3 year old whatever we’re having. Some days he’ll eat a few mouthfuls, some days he’ll hardly touch it. I just explain to him that the food on his plate is all that there is until breakfast.
We always give him safe foods eg some cheese and yogurt with every dinner, so even if he doesn’t eat the curry, he’s at least had a small amount of some food.

Yeah, we’re in the ‘they eat what you eat’ camp.

I know people will come along and say that some kids would rather starve themselves than eat perfectly normal food, but most won’t. You might have a few weeks of grumpiness as he gets used to it, but that’s better than dealing with a fusspot.

Is he very particular about other foods, including snacks, or just dinners? A child who will only eat one brand of cheddar, even if he never sees the packet, is different from a child with run of the mill fussy eating.

I agree that right now he knows he can hold out for toast and a banana, so I'd stop that. Beyond that, I'd try to gently widen his range. He likes jacket potatoes. How about meals that can vaguely reasonably be served with a jacket potato? Meat+veg+potato, or a wider range of toppings, including things like (mild) curry or chilli flavours or whatever you and DH like. Then if he refuses the other bits, at least he can have the potato. From there, maybe other types of potato, or having the wider range of toppings with rice.

Thank you for all the good advice. He isn’t fussy on brands so I think he’s just pushing me to see what he can get away with. I’ll stop the banana and toast and try and work out a fortnightly menu we can all eat. I still feel overwhelmed with thinking of 14 different meals and getting all the weekly ingredients. He’ll eat salmon when me and my husband do but that only comes in portions of 2 so we end up having less by giving him a quarter of our piece each… I’m also trying to loose the baby weight (2 stone 😬) so really don’t want to be eating pasta and potatoes myself. Also what is a good time for dinner? My husband doesn’t get home until 5.30pm so we’ve been waiting until then but I’m thinking I should be making it earlier…

As PP's have said, they eat what you eat, no separate options, and no toast & banana if refuses meal.

Don't cajole him, or focus on the food, just keep eating and take the focus off the food, and onto conversation.

It can take 20 refusals before a 3yr old will try a new food, but just keep putting the same food and veg on thir plate that you have on yours, and don't make tidy eating the aim, the aim is to enjoy mealtimes together, and clean up afterwards.

No food is out of bounds, so fish, curries, stews, roasts , just give them whatever you eat.

For the youngest, exactly the same, except with no salt, and pureed. The level of puree/lumps etc will change as baby is able to chew etc. Just start as you mean to go on. (The processed jars/packets etc taste nothing like home cooked meals, so it's often harder to swap them as the child gets older)

There's zero benefit to you to give kids different meals, at any age over 6 mths.

A three-year old should be eating what everyone else eats, obviously with help cutting up. No cajoling, no pretending forkfulls of food are a train, just calm cheerful conversation. Make him part of the dinner-time chat. If he eats very little or nothing at all, don't react. Remove his plate along with yours. He will not starve. You will have a few painful weeks and then mealtimes will get easier. As well as teaching him how to eat at home, you are also preparing him to eat in the houses of family and friends, at school and in restaurants.

You’re really over complicating this. Why does it have to be 14 different meals? Why don’t you buy more salmon? Cook something and eat with your child if you’re hungry at the same time, and leave your husband’s portion for him to reheat on the nights he can’t eat with you.

It doesn’t have to be so complicated.

Yeah I agree, I’m just struggling to see it simply! I’ve made a meal planner for a couple of weeks I can use and see how I get on and will eliminate choice or giving snacks if he doesn’t eat what’s put on the table.

‘They eat what you eat’ is all well and good if you have the time to cook from scratch every day.

I don’t cook from scratch every day, but we all still eat the same meal.

Don’t overcomplicate it. We have plenty of tuna pasta or omlette and vegetables days. Not everything has to be a big planned affair.

I’ll cook chilli or curry in the slow cooker in double the amount and freeze some. Other nights will be something like tacos, a salmon or trout dish, or a risotto. But plenty of evenings will be a basic pasta, omelettes, soup, or fish cakes (not homemade) with various sides and salad.

Make life easy on yourself.

To add to the good advice of eating together:

Keep a food diary for a week or so (literally is good but basically, I mean take a good note of all the things he eats in a day). You'll probably be surprised at how much nourishment he actually gets. Does he eat a particularly large lunch or breakfast? It's only social convention that says a banana and slice of toast for breakfast is fine but isn't enough for dinner.

And I have a hard time believing a child refuses a proper meal in favour of toast and fruit and so taking those away won't really encourage a better portion at dinner. That will change as he becomes more familiar with what's on offer, pressure is taken off him, and he sees everyone else eating comfortably.

It’s perfectly normal to repeat dinners! I certainly don’t have 14 different recipes! I recommend Jamie Oliver and Nigella’s Express. His tray bakes and anything I’ve tried from Nigella has been popular.

I didn't cook the same meals for dinner and we didn't all eat together. My husband would often be home too late and my child struggles with textures. I didn't want him to go hungry or rely on a yoghurt and banana as a dinner so I made his tea at an appropriate time for him and created lots of recipes and dishes he would eat, without him necessarily realising what he was eating!

He's 5 now and we eat together a lot more as he goes to bed later and its more manageable. Still sometimes have different meals.
I dont worry or feel like I haven't 'done it right.' I was a picky eater growing up and my siblings were not and my mum always accommodated me. It was something I appreciated even from a young age, it made me feel safe around food. I now eat almost everything, came to it in my own time.

Just to offer a different perspective from those who think all eating the same thing is the only way to go.

I also don't plan ahead too much as it is overwhelming and I dont know what I want tmrw, let alone in 5 days time! We have a roster of lots of dishes we eat a lot but no pressure on having to plan constantly.

Nb - even if we dont always all eat together, in the evening, I always sit with mine and we listen to the radio and chat. It's lovely.

I have a fussy eater/borderline ARFID and we do our best to eat together the same meal but it can be hard especially as she has food allergies too.

We go for mostly the same meal and do allow some small swaps. My daughter doesn't like mushrooms and can't eat onions and garlic so we cook mushrooms, onions and garlic separate and mix together with ours when dishing up. The only carb my daughter reliably eats is pasta we get a bit fed up of pasta but we have some quick cook pasta and cook her a portion of it alongside our potatoes. The rest of the meal is the same.

There are times when her number of safe foods dwindles down to about 5 ingredients so we give her those for a a few days to a week and then start building in more variety. We find it's a balance between not being too quick to offer an alternative and keeping the consistency of we eat as a family. If she's not eaten much in the previous days we do then do a day where each meal is something that is reliably eaten without outwardly acknowledging to her that the only reason we are eating that meal is because it's the one thing we know she will eat.

I have a hard time believing a child refuses a proper meal in favour of toast and fruit

Really?! I think it’s somewhat common for a toddler to refuse their dinner if they see that fruit is on offer!

I have a really picky 3yo, I dish up the same meal for everyone and if it gets eaten then great, if not then no problem. If she tells me she doesn't want it She gets told she doesn't need to eat it but that's what is for dinner tonight, 9/10 times she will eat some. I find that the more I fuss the more she will play on that, if I just put it down infront of her and get on with my own then it's much less of an issue.

Solidarity, I have a 3 year old that eats only a few things and it is hard. For starters all the "we eat together at the table" is null and void if you do not have a dining table due to space and work rotating patterns so aren't always all together at 5pm for example.

I have tried the "eats what we are having or nothing at all" method. My child would starve themselves basically. My child is delayed on speech too so it is difficult to explain that this is it and nothing else to eat after etc.

No advice really but just wanted to share that you are not alone and it is extremely difficult and distressing having a child that avoids food :(

Easiest thing is just to cook what you and your husband like and the 3 year old can eat or not!
I always did greek yoghurt and fruit for pudding as that's a good meal in itself and then anything else they eat is a bonus.
When my kids were little I just had a 7 day meal plan and we ate that (eg Monday pasta, Tuesday salmon & rice, Wednesday curry) until I was so bored of it I did a new meal plan.

Why do you need 14 different meals? We repeat probably 5-7 meals with small variations. If he likes salmon then buy a 4 pack and freeze 1 portion, eat the rest. If it’s pasta, have a small portion yourself then a salad. Try a baked sweet potato if the others have a normal baked potato. If your DH is back at 5.30, eat at 6? Why would you eat earlier than that? Do an afternoon snack for your toddler if necessary but something like cucumber so not filling