Party invite etiquette

[JustAMum42]

Probably majorly overthinking this but DCs birthday party will be coming up not too long after starting P1 this month. There are a couple of parties that I know of before DCs but those invitations have been handed out at nursery prior to leaving so I think ours will be the first party dealt with at school.

DC has had 2 parties before and my rule has been that everyone in their keyworker group at nursery must be invited as I don’t want kids left out, then any other kids DC plays with can be invited. Has been around 22 kids the last 2 years (18 from nursery and others from outwith)- 1 church hall party, 1 soft play party. There were around 60 kids at nursery in total so less than half invited.

How do you deal with not leaving kids out at a large-ish primary school? 52 kids in P1 - split over 3 classes. 21 in DCs class. DH says just invite DCs whole class - but some of the kids in other classes are DCs good friends. DC says “it’s a party for all P1s” 🫠😅 which would be lovely - but 52 kids (if they all turned up!) is really not within my budget 😅

From what I can roughly work out there would be about 15 in DCs class and 10 from across the other 2 classes that would be on DCs invite list if I asked for one. 15 out of 21 in a class being invited feels not great!

No party is not an option. Extremely shy DC and parties have helped so so much with social confidence. DC has specifically requested a church hall party.

Easy, all from his class plus a few extras.
If you can manage those numbers.

Otherwise limit to eg 10.

We are in England but the etiquette is always to invite the whole class. Then we add a few other good friends who are at other schools or whom we know form elsewhere or who invited our child to their party. It would be mad to invite all 3 classes

we just invite friends of birthday child never done this whole class party things parents lives are busy enough

I’ve never invited the “whole class”. You just set a number that’s affordable and invite that number.

I invite who the heck my child wants to invite.
that was my only “rule”
mind you… never did big parties. Was always an “experience” ie go ape with a group of no more than 8-10

@TeenToTwenties Thus was my initial thought. This would give us about 32 kids if everyone came which still feels ridiculously OTT 😅 but I’d rather that than leave kids out. But is 32 out of 52 ok? I have this thing in my head that half or less is fine but more than half is not 😅

@Theyrhome If we went with that then there would be 5/6 kids in DCs actual class excluded and I don’t like the thought of that
Im sure after this year DC will move more towards the “experience with a few friends” type but the request has been for a big hall party this year.
I wasn’t allowed any parties as a child and was often excluded from others because we never hosted so I’m probably overly worried about the whole situation to be honest 🤣

What do you mean? Invite who your child wants. In my case it was around 8-10

so your child’s class is 13-16?

Full class plus friends in other classes is fine, you probably will get good turn out if its the first party of the year as people are keen. But you'll never get everyone so dont worry too much.

Standard class size is 30 here and with some cousins and siblings we sat at about 35 and it was fine for a church hall party.

Op you are giving this too much head space and you are only at the very very start of your child’s time at school.

From someone whose children are coming to the end of their school journey… take it from me. Don’t get caught up in preoccupying you brain this kind of thing. Just focus on the big stuff.

it is your child’s birthday. Just invite who they want to invite.

My daughter had 30 in her class so it was sometimes tough to find venues that could do 30 but it was possible. We invited the whole class until yr 3

Bollocks to the whole class parties or any other expectation which puts unnecessary pressure on parents.
When ours were at primary school we either did home parties with the birthday child’s age in guests (so 5 years old = 5 guests) or fewer guests and something like the cinema.

Ultimately, you do what you can afford, feel comfortable/confident with and that your child will enjoy. It’s the one special day a year for them so make it about them. Not this ridiculous perceived pressure to the same as everyone else.

One time when we hired a hall we didn’t do party bags but just cake to take home as it was unaffordable. No one complained, no tantrums just happy to have had a fun time.

Thanks all - you’re right, I’m overthinking 😅🫠
Ill just settle on the whole class plus the others DC wants to invite and be done with it 🤣

DC wants a big party so I’m sure will be delighted at that. Hopefully next year the request is for cinema/bowling etc with a few friends 🤣🤣 although, it likely ends up costing the same anyway! lol

But what happens if your child really
really does not want some children to come to his party?

Ask your dc for a list of names of kids he wants to invite and be done with it. Why invite kids he doesn't want there just to invite the whole class. It's expensive enough as it is.
Maybe invite kids you know whose parents aren't flaky and the kids will actually come not just say they will and not turn up.

Its your DC birthday so let him make the decision.

@Theyrhome Like who? Inviting the whole class plus the ones DC wants in the other classes would give about 32 - that’s made up of 25 DC would definitely invite if asked to make a list and 7 who will have been in class with DC for about 6 weeks before invitations go out.

Either do whole class plus any extras. Or do less than half the class if you intend to pick and choose plus extras.

Parties have got really silly, and it is the adults being silly about them.

Nobody does whole class parties here. People ask their child who they actually play with, they know who their friends are. It shouldn’t be about the parents, their own friendships with other parents, etc. Or having any child there my own children feel uncomfortable around due to bad behaviour. Both of mine have been very clear about some they definitely don’t want there, for valid reasons- it’s a no.

My son at 5 was baffled why 1 girl invited him, said she’s nice but we don’t play together at school. Her mum definitely invited me! 😅

Like who? Are you seriously asking that?

Your child hasn’t even started at the school

He may become very close to a couple of children or a handful and want just them

he may really not get on with a few and actively not want them at his party

and yet… you would invite them anyway?

just wait!!

First line nails it.

I agree that inviting the entire class -6 would make me uncomfortable.

If there are some a child doesn't want to invite that's fine. But you can't reasonably invite 3/4 of a class, that's mean. So if there are some they don't want then you cut numbers down to half the class.

Op, your child hasn’t started school
and at the beginning of August this is what you’re worrying about
this really doesn’t bode well. So take stock now before this spirals