4.5 year old being 'moody'

[Olliebolsxo]

Past 2 weeks or so my eldest has been like what people would describe a teenager! Very moody with certain family members im not sure why

Very defiant behaviour even saying stuff like if you dont let me watch telly ill scream/cry (we dont have much i ensure of this)

Any tips how to handle it? Hes very stubborn and has been referred to the waiting list for autism/ aspergers diagnosis , wont go into detail but obviously a few assessments got us to this place

But just Any tips please I feel like hes a teeanger, for example hes footy obsessed but refuses to go to a football club because there's people there etc and hes got a cousin same age who goes and plays in a team

I want to encourage him into clubs and help him socially

He also gets really moody when things are busy :( I dont know how I can help as soon he'll be in school and only days off are out of term - when the majority of people are off!

Any tips xx

How do you handle if you don’t let me do X I’ll do Y scenarios? Effectively he’s trying to blackmail you.

I’d turn it on its head and he can “ earn” screen time with a reward system only add don’t remove stars or tokens and give in quick succession. Use planned ignoring for negative behaviour including screaming and crying and praise positive ones.

You could unpick his behaviour using STAR analysis setting, trigger, action, result. You will find info online. Might help to understand his behaviour and make sure you aren’t unintentionally reinforcing negative behaviour.

Had his routine changed significantly in the holidays? Is he usually in Nursery? He might be trying to create some order or control the situation.

I think at his age mainstream clubs aren’t going to work. School will work on social skills. You could focus on sharing, turn taking, waiting and play skills. You can use timers, photos for whose turn and WAIT symbol.

It’s fine he has an interest in football but doesn’t want to play or go. Try not to compare him
to others as he is just who he is.
Use his interest to introduce football themed toys and activities or reward systems.

https://www.twinkl.co.uk/resource/t-c-6933-new-football-goals-reward-chart

Does he have sensory needs? He could be facing sensory overload leading to meltdowns. Look into sensory activities and strategies. The Out of Synch child has fun is a good book for activities.

Hi OP,

I think the answer is in the message - he is being assessed for autism, so many of the experiences you mentioned (being moody and not wanting people around or when it is busy) as typical symptoms of this, and we have this in our family. The ‘stubbornness’ gene, we discovered, was actually autism. It is hard to deal with, and the only way through it is by explaining the situation and sticking to firm rules, so that they know what to expect. In our house every new rule is pushed against, but once they accept them it is easier.

It is not fair to compare him to his cousin, if he is autistic he has triggers that they wont have. I would suggest finding out what really makes your son excited, and if he has any special hobbies that you can build on? If you are looking to find him friends, maybe find a club that specialises in his special interest so that he can play with like-minded children. However, it is best to find clubs that don’t get busy or noisy so he can make friends on a one-to-one level.

Alternatively, I found that my children responded really well to being out in nature where the noise and crowds are not present. They loved things like pond dipping sessions (run by various nature reserves), and outside events like zoo petting days and den building. If he is especially active, a good gym play session is fun (if not too loud).

Thank you!

So currently still in pre school usual days (pay all year) as im part time mid way through leave year, so have enough holidays for half terms etcbwhen he starts school!

So no routine change but there is the looming change of school coming

I will look at this i always feel like people judge him and think hes moody and wonder why etc because hes very quiet and reserved even with family

I want to help build his confidence without pushing him x

That’s good he’s in Preschool. Have they started the EHCP request? If not you can apply for an EHCNA as a parent.

It’s tough but once you understand his triggers and motivators ( parents always know best) and unpick things life should get better.
Look on your LA SEN local offer there may be activities he can access or support groups you can join. Meeting other parents with children with similar needs can be so helpful as they “ get it” others might think they understand but don’t.
If he gets a diagnosis hopefully you will be offered a place on a post diagnostic programme for parents such as EarlyBird or EarlyBird Plus from the NAS.

A one page profile can help school staff to understand his needs better. There’s a football themed one on here. Scroll down.

https://sheffkids.co.uk/resources/

Reframe “moody”. He’s 4. It’s probably because he doesn’t have the words to express his feelings. Can you break it down and play the yes/no game until he tells you what he wants?

football isn’t as much fun as you think. Mine hated it, the waiting in line, taking in turns, going slow. Found it really boring. They preferred baby gymnastics and dance class where they got to run and jump- yes they have to listen a bit but it’s much less structured to start with and eases in gradually. The classes are smaller as well in a much bigger space.

My 4 year old tries the 'if you don't do what I say/play/give me that I'll cry/be sad'. Don't give into it or he'll think it works. My son has done it maybe 4 times but I've never given in to it so doubt he'll do it much more. I think he's just trying to use consequences like I do to get him to do stuff e.g. 'if you hit daddy you won't be watching any tv today'.

I wouldn't worry about football club, just let him enjoy it in his own way. My son would hate a club like that too, I just take him to unstructured places like Gymnastics drop ins where he can do his own thing.

Does he have ear defenders for when places are loud/busy? You could explore some of the quiet/sen sessions near you too.

Yes sorry didnt like using the word moody thats why I put it in quotes but its just how to describe how he goes!

When he says if you dont give me telly ill cry / scream etc. I say go on then and he'll do awhine then stop. So I dont give in!

Yeh definitely looking at quieter play sessions. Tough when its playgrounds as that's a bit of a free for all