Siblings hate each other..

[Clemmie92]

What is normal when it comes to siblings fighting and not getting on? My two are 11 and 6, so an age gap. But, they fight every single day, they absolutely hate each other, my DS is 11 and DD 6. DS is horrible to her and has been for years. Their father said it was something they would grow out of a few years back but, this is too much. I’m honestly debating one moves in with their father full time as it’s damaging for everyone.

I always think of situations like this when people on here talk about having a second one so the first isn’t an only. Not saying you did that here op. The reality is they are different people, and the two here are currently at different stages of childhood. The age gap is quite a gap at the moment, and let’s be honest, for the foreseeable future. She’s just a bit of a PITA to him just now. They might be thick as thieves when older.. Or not.. I’m sorry you are all experiencing this op.

One of my friends had a real issue with her middle child hating the youngest (3 year age gap). Middle one was vile to younger one until he got to about 12, then he just ignored her.

They are now in their 20s and are best mates. They share a flat and adore each other.

@Purplecatshopaholic i do too … I think people romanticise sibling relationships. Like any relationship, it may work and it may not.

@Clemmie92 I really do sympathise as while I’m not in your exact position (mine seem to get on mostly OK - they are three and five) I do find sibling dynamics and relationships very difficult to navigate and I don’t know why as I do have a brother myself. My main issue is mine are just a thousand times nicer alone. Together there’s so much stupid behaviour, they aren’t always nice to one another, they are very different characters and so don’t necessarily have a lot in common and I find it hard to manage.

I wish I had some advice. I can really hear how much it’s getting you down.

I have the same age gap of 5 years but DD 13 and DS 8. It’s hit and miss. We have times when they absolutely hate each other especially the older one!! And that can be really tough and draining. But we do have windows where she is nice (ish) to him! It’s tough such a big age difference right now with different needs. Our holiday this year was certainly more hard work than before and I think this is mostly down to their different ages and I’ll be honest at times I really have thought having 2 is so overrated!! ( I am an only so no comparison).
We have to muddle through with this but even if we were not together I am not sure I would separate them as I would be concerned they could take that as the parent chose to have a certain child live with them and not the other etc. however I guess if it was a safety issue then I would consider that.
I don’t totally think it’s due to the age difference though as I know many siblings with a much closer age gap who are just as bad.

I’ll be honest at times I really have thought having 2 is so overrated I keep having this horrible intrusive thought too 😩 and feel so bad about it because I feel like I’m wishing one of them out of existence!

Three year age gap between me and my brother. We loathed each other until I was about 25. I wasn't even fussed on inviting him to my wedding, but thankfully my mother made me.

Ten years on we're actually the best of friends. I talk to him every day. Picked him to be godfather to my kids and absolutely no one can make me laugh like he does

It's funny how life works out.

My brother and I (2.5 years apart) were like this throughout our childhood and it never improved. We were never violent but we never stopped arguing. We’re civil to each other now that we don’t live together, but we do Christmases separately with my parents. When my parents are elderly or pass away, I foresee a lot of hassle between us making decisions and we won’t ever see each other again.

I’ve always thought the only thing my parents could have done to improve things was split up and take one of us each, so maybe it is worth a try.

It can still change. I despised my sibling growing up to the point that when my parent separated they actually did take one each because neither could cope with the fighting when we were together (later lived together again though). We’ve been close since late teens and I consider him one of my closest friends now. I think with that age gap it’s possible just general annoyance and different interests or perceived difference in treatment.

Mine were the same age gap, and the fighting was unreal. Now 27 and 32, spend a lot of time together and are really close

Thank you for your message, I experience the same.. both of mine are absolutely fine when having one on one and the other isn’t around. Maybe half of it is a fight for attention.. although, I feel I am fair with my time. It’s such a tricky one, my sister and I used to fight so much but once we reached our 20’s we were and still are, best friends. It is definitely a tough hurdle I need to try and work out how to get past. 🤔

Yes you’re right, I definitely wrote this after a challenging day and I know I couldn’t split them up, I wouldn’t want to. Probably noticing it more with summer holidays and juggling work. Luckily my son still enjoys parks but sometimes it would be nice to have a day at home and everyone just gets on 😂

Very similar situation between my sister and I. I didn’t even invite her to my first borns baby shower but we made up shortly after and now don’t even go a day without talking. Maybe my mother felt the same as I posted some days, but she didn’t have the internet to ask others and just hoped for the best.

I had Dd2 when Dd1 was 6.5 yrs and she told me I had ruined her life and the sentiment hasn’t really changed, she treats her like dirt under her shoe, is so jealous of her and literally can’t be in a room together without arguing within the first few minutes.

Dd1 is 20 now and Dd2 14 and they can have very rare civil moments now, I am hopeful that when they are both adults with own homes they get on better. My 3 sisters and I weren’t as bad but did squabble lots as kids, close now as adults.