4 year old traumatised after hospital stay, who do I call?

[pinkelephant22]

I don’t know whether i need to get in contact with GP, health visitor, let it all simmer down or just keep her completely away from health professionals.

My 4 year old had her tonsils out last Friday, discharged home. Was absolutely fine apart from the obvious sore throat, pain management etc but was drinking plenty of water eating. Sunday night she coughed up a small blood clot so I thought I better take her even though it says 2 spoonfuls or more. Walked through the doors of A&E and she threw up an entire sick bowl of blood, plum sized clots. So she was obviously terrified but the doctors needed to act quickly hence subsequent restraint to get medicine in to stop bleeding fluids etc. She was shaking when she finally went to sleep stable. Transferred to a different hospital via ambulance who then pricked her again for blood sugars. Woke up screaming. At new hospital needed new cannula involving another restraint and multiple attempts. Got to ward needed bloods another restraint. Was then ready for discharge by Tuesday and she then just upon almost leaving started to wee what looked like pure blood. She was then readmitted under a different team, new line put in old one taken out. Restrained - Settled. More bloods, more restraints - she has become necrotic they said it’s her little body’s response to trauma and her body was firing our protein so it’s an inflammation of something in her kidneys. We finally got home this evening and will see a specialist next week to make sure medicines have treated if not she’ll need now further investigations.

At home all I did was attempt to brush her teeth, she was screaming “stop touching me” for about half an hour and then hid behind her dolls house shaking 🥺🥺 it took 3 hours to calm her down and she made herself sick.

shes absolutely traumatised, we both are. Before the tonsils we wouldn’t go more than 3 weeks without her getting sick. They said her tonsils were grade 3 even when she wasn’t sick. But I completely blame myself. We went in for her tonsils out and came out with a kidney issue and a petrified little girl.

do I address this now via GP if they can access a therapy for her or shall I just keep her away from healthcare, considering she has to go back on Wednesday also!

Shes had a scary time and has been feeling very unwell. I'd keep her home, not seek more GP interactions now, follow her lead on what she wants to do for activities, sleeping, eating etc and see how she goes. I would not seek counselling at her age. Quiet time with her core family will be her best comfort now

I hope she recovers quickly

Oh god. Bless her OP that sounds absolutely awful I am so sorry. 😢 No advice from me - just will be thinking of you all.

Poor girl, that sounds horrendous. Definitely see the GP. The hospital should have a play therapist who can help prior to the appointment and possibly during the appointment. I had my tonsils out as an adult and could barely open my mouth for days due to pain. Is she on any pain relief? If she’s in pain that might be making her more distressed and she is probably fearing being made to feel more pain by health professionals.
Have you talked to her about what she’s feeling and thinking?
Lots of quiet time, Disney films, be available for cuddles if she wants them, and let her play quietly without any demands to allow her mind and body to heal. Wishing you both all the best.

Agree with the above.

even as an adult I do not enjoy getting my bloods taken or a cannula in, and I am well aware that it is only ever because it is necessary and it will help me. But it does still hurt!

if I were you not I would talk about it when she is well on the mend and keep it casual “well sweetheart your throat not be as sore and my you wollxfeelxsoucu better what’s happened in the hospital must have been frightening, how
did you feel!

You carry on and support her when she is scared and explain what has happened to her many times till she understands. She will take her lead from you.

she was so frightened by the end of it the lady would come in to take her food order as they also wear a uniform and my DD would cry and shout no I don’t want it. Or you could hear her throat going she was swallowing multiple times etc you could see she was in pain and she was saying she wasn’t (because she was scared of the medicine etc)

she was asked to go for a wee so many times she just started to hold it. As soon as we got home she started eating, saw her baby sister and was playing, sat on the toilet went straight for a wee, but bath time and teeth - any physical interaction just sent her spiralling

Bless her. I would keep her at home, lots of cuddles and calm and try to avoid interactions with medics for now.
If she has to go back to hospital, speak to the nursing staff beforehand and ask for the play specialist to be involved. It is amazing how resilient children are.

I may spend tomorrow and the weekend as stated just lots of attention and cuddles, and when she has the specialist appointment bring it up. She’s going to a day patient ward so I might phone the ward and make them aware before hand. The nurses on the ward were brilliant and there were play therapists who were a godsend, but that was an inpatient ward. I’ll ask maybe if one can come in to help. They have a different way of talking about procedures to children but not lieing also, I can’t keep telling my daughter everything is magic else she’ll stop believing in magic

Aged 4 and restraints? No numbing cream? No kindness?

@Autumngirl5i think you replied as I was typing but yes definitely agree as you can see 🫣

Honestly I think she’s been really poorly and they did their job. It’s unreasonable to think that big medical treatment isnt traumatic - it often is. It’s scary for adults let alone kids. I don’t think complaining will help anyone; better to focus on helping her recover. Maybe when she is better you can take her to watch you at the dentist or doctors and try to show her another perspective. I think her reaction is normal. Hope she recovers quickly xxx

@TheyGrewUpthey tried at the second hospital but the first was an emergency due to the blood loss, I think she was so stressed out from the first one subsequently nothing was convincing her after that

OP, I have been exactly where you are. It is so difficult. My eldest has his tonsils and adenoids out when he was about 3 - they were so large that there was “no room to breathe” (his words)! He also had a bleed and was rushed back into hospital for a further operation, had an anaphylactic reaction to the medication, and found the needles and cannulas so painful that for a few years afterwards (other issues, not related to the tonsils) he wouldn’t even let them put numbing cream on.

However, he had a massive growth spurt after the operation, has a much more varied diet and far less sensory issues around food and is now a strapping 15 year old.

We are off to the hospital tomorrow for some routine bloodwork and he’s not enthusiastic, but he’s also not traumatised. That stage was really hard on both of us, and I also felt a massive amount of guilt, but it was worth it.

My suggestion would be to actively not try to solve this right now - because you’ve both been through a really really hard time, and you may not need to in the end - instead, hunker down with and listen to your daughter so she feels heard and safe with you. Reinforce that safety and make as many compromises as your parenting style allows to make sure you both get through this with kindness.

I wouldn’t overdo the physical contact - if that’s making her feel unsafe or uncomfortable. I’d offer it, but respecting her boundaries around this is likely to give her back a sense of control. It will have been so scary to be restrained (to watch it, and also - possibly - do some of the restraining). She needs to come to you for the hugs and she will, I’m sure, in her own time.

@babyproblems I have no complaints at all I think all the staff were wonderful and I completely understand the force needed in order to treat her appropriately and get her better, it’s just helping her emotionally in the aftermath.

This is going to sound like a batshit internet post, but there is a lot of evidence that playing Tetris helps people - adults and children - sort and process traumatic memories and correctly “file them”. So, id get that on some sort of tablet/phone and let her have some screen time over the weekend.

I think that your plan of calling the ward before the next admission and getting advice is a good one too.

Im also a great believer in the power of books to help with understanding in young kids so that could be an option….

@LastInFirstOutah thank you, because as of right now i feel awful! And yes i had to help with some of the bear hugs when she was screaming mummy no and im thinking was it all worth it and we’re probably both quite shell shocked. The second hospital was more bear hugs and someone holding her arms etc but the first one she was held down by her arms and legs as it was more important to get the lines in quickly to get the bleeding under control.

im trying to think of how many times she’s been poorly, and it not being fair on her compared to how it could potentially be now for her especially with her starting school without the tonsils! And you read the booklets and see it’s 1 in how many that the complications happen to and think “oh that’s low it won’t happen” and shes now got to see a specialist about her kidneys as a result of her body’s trauma response !

Similar happened to my son

he had meningitis and sepsis so they had to do loads of restraining
drilling in to his leg ect as couldn’t get bloods or fluids in
our Gp arranged a specially trained person at the hospital who worked with us

firstly met us at the door with a fave character toy
and then we went once a week and she took him round every part of the children’s ward let him use the machine on me and her and explained what they were all for
even the gel that makes your hand numb

then we bought loads of medical costumes sets so he could look after us and it helped me see the things he was scared of

eventually we worked up to him having bloods taken
and now I just tell them in advance

good luck

Almost identical experience with one of mine @pinkelephant22. We ended up having therapy as she could not get past her (understandable) fear. I think for now, lots of reassurance and cuddles and see how you go. But if it persists, I’d seek out some help.

Lots of time to process, and play it out. Kids process things through play, so act it out with teddies or dolls or let you be the patient. She’ll probably want to talk it over and over. Kids are very resilient, and medical trauma is absolutely a thing, you could look in to play therapy down the line if she’s still showing signs of stress after a while.

Give her lots of control, let small things slide for the meantime, and lots of gentle soothing touch and time snuggled with you.

Let her set up a hospital for her stuffies and give her bandages and fake needles and let her expressed her fears.

Restraining your own child while in an emergency situation is traumatic for you as well so absolutely no shaming here but think how it looks to a 4 year old. She had a traumatic experience in her throat, restrained, prodding & poked for 4 days then when she is finally home in her safe space you try to put a toothbrush in her mouth. Its her nightly routine so why wouldn’t you. oral hygiene is important but shes 4, still in pain & doesn’t understand so play therapy is going to have to happen at home as well, maybe let her be the one to brush her own teeth so she can feel safe again even if that means they are not fully cleaned for a few days, better to let her do these things when she is ready than be permanently terrified of a toothbrush. You said she was happy to pee again without any problems when she was home so for the time being maybe just restrict her sticky sugar intake & just water to help rinse her mouth while brushing takes a little bit of a back seat until she is feeling safe with her mouth again.. start with just brushing front teeth so there is nothing near the back of her throat, maybe no toothpaste to start with so shes not having to spit anything out. The sensation of blood in her mouth would have been scary. Kids are resilient if we go at their pace. Maybe a GP/dentist visit without prodding & poking & touching so she knows that not all medical visits will be like this weekend. Lots of hugs so she knows bear hugs don’t always come with pain. She will be ok with a little time & understanding. Good luck & hope she is back to her old self soon. Take some time for you to get over this traumatic experience as well, you did what she needed & you held her with love while the doctors saved her that would have been terrifying for you as well.

I’m just really sorry that happened to you and your little girl. Sending a big hug really, because I can imagine as a parent you’re also traumatised, as inadequate as it sounds, take care of yourself too

Poor little thing. Try and keep calm around her, panic on here! It's just going to take some time for her. The memory will fade eventually and she will heal (speaking as a mum whose eldest went through so many surgeries and hospital stays at the same age).

When a child is actively vomiting blood you don't wait for numbing cream to be sourced, applied, take effect...

I have no advice OP, other than lots of cuddles. Don't tell her things are magic (??) - she needs to know the truth in age-appropriate language, or she's going to stop trusting you too when you spring another appointment on her

I don't know if this would work, or would make things worse but could you get her a play doctor kit?

She can then practice on her toys. Or practice on you.

I am not surprised she is traumatised, I bet you are suffering too.