Advice for 3 year old

[Anon1324]

My 3 year old girl is NON STOP.

I have 2 little girls, a 4 year old and 3 year old.

my 3 year old is extremely hyperactive and is constantly hurting myself and her sister (not sure if she understands it hurts) by jumping on, hitting, pinching and sometimes biting. She sometimes does this out of anger and frustration but also when playing rough! I’ve obviously told her it hurts etc but it’s like it doesn’t register in her brain.
She is always on me either climbing or laying or hanging upside down as soon as I sit down. and if I stand up she’s tugging at my leg, hitting my thigh for attention and follows me everywhere! Her attachments gotten so bad the past week where she won’t be in any other room unless I’m there. She has never slept through the night and I still have to sit with her to get her to sleep. She will then come into my room to lay with me and screams if I try to take her back to her room. She doesn’t really play independently and sometimes she’ll play with her sister but 99% of the time ends up in a fight for being rough. She won’t sit for an activity for more than 1 minute before getting bored or destructive. She is a great talker but in public won’t speak and if she does she talks in a baby voice, at pre school she’s described as ‘very very quiet’. Before bed she’ll ask me a million questions about what’s happening in the morning and about the day we’ve had. She doesn’t understand being told off and has some epic meltdowns where she physically cannot listen. It’s like a blank expression when she’s told off for something and I feel bad that I’m telling her off as I can see she doesn’t understand.

not sure what to do as I’m so worn out. She won’t even spend time with her dad without a huge meltdown that just isn’t worth me having a break, couldn’t even have a bath without her screaming in the next room despite her being with her sister and dad.

my 4 year old never experienced any of this. Wondering if there’s potential ADHD as she literally does not stop and wakes about 4 times in the night and still gets up super early!

very tired and just looking for some advice really

thanks

Have you been to the GP to discuss behaviour and possible referral to a Paediatrician or ND pathway?
ADHD isn’t diagnosed until the age of 6 usually.

When she’s having a meltdown use reduced language like Stop, No, No hitting etc
Have some clear rules and boundaries around no hurting backed up by visuals.
Use some positive rewards/ reward charts and praise ( I’m sure you’ve tried)

She does sound very active and with limited concentration. She might benefit from a Sensory Integration assessment from a specialist OT. Not all are qualified in this.
There’s a great book called The Out of Synch Child has fun. Lots of activities you can do at home.

You could try photographs of you and dad and a chart to try to introduce Dad doing more for her. Build in a routine.
Use timers and a WAIT symbol to build up her tolerance of being without you and gradually build up the time. There are lots of good visual timers available online. They can also be used to extend concentration on certain activities. Set a timer for 2 or 3 minutes and ask her to draw you a picture or do a puzzle. Come back when the timer is finished. Gradually extend time. Or use first and then ( can be alongside timer) puzzle then a favoured activity. These can be represented visually.

You can discuss sleep with the GP or Health Visitor. No wonder you are tired.

She sounds like my 4 year old, I suspect she has ADHD but it’s so hard to get people to see what you see at home or to explain it where it doesn’t sound like normal behaviour for a child that age.
I would try your health visitor or GP to start the process, ADHD isn’t diagnosed until older but I’m in the same boat with mine, she’s so different to her brother and affects his behaviour so much.
I struggle with my own patience with her because by the end of the day I’m so exhausted by her but she won’t settle to sleep.

I would try to start the process of eventual diagnosis because it’ll only be harder at school as these traits become more apparent.

I think you’ve had some very good advice already. I’d just like to add that it might be worth doing the progress checker from Speech & Language UK before you speak to the HV or GP, especially as she seems to have Selective Mutism and is staring blankly at you at times.

Have the Nursery suggested anything about her being unusually quiet or have they raised any other concerns?