Is 50:50 contact fair with school and football 30 minutes away?

[Mumtotornadoes]

In court with ex over his contact with DS. it is VERY complicated and I won't go into the ins and outs. I'm asking specifically about this one thing as it will just completely derail otherwise.

He lives 30 minutes plus away from DSs school. We live 5. Ex currently does no school runs but wants 5050. Would it be fair for half of DSs time to be spent with at least a 30 minute drive each way. When he currently lives 5 minutes away. He also is in a football club with his school friends over the road from school so again, every weekend is either another 30 minutes plus drive each way or missing football.

I'm reccomeding every other weekend so it's just Friday Monday and football he's having to do the drive. Chances are either way is dad won't take him to football TBF, he's not mad on things DS likes to do, he likes to do what he wants to do.

He did say he was moving closer, closer is apparently 30 minutes instead of 45 so that's irrelevant.

DS is 5 btw

For many people in rural areas, everything is 30 minutes away or more, so this seems like a non-issue. 50/50 sounds better for your son so that he maintains a good relationship with his dad

30 minutes is nothing really.

I also don't think 30 mins is that bad, maybe you'd be better off having weeks at 50/50 and you having more weekends if ex won't take him to football (he'd soon know what's what if he didn't take him to school!).

30 mins is nothing really and surely you want your DS to have more of a relationship with their father than every other weekend?!

30 minutes os nothing to worry about.

30 minutes is fine.

I don’t think 30 mins is a dealbreaker, plenty of kids will routinely have that sort of trip to school and back.

Honestly 30 minutes is not much time at all really and not a reason to deny him a 50/50 relationship with his father.

30 minutes is nothing. In bad traffic it would take me that time driving 4 miles in my city.

Thanks guys. Obviously for me school is right there. Seems sucky to choose an earlier rise and longer journey when it's not necessary. Just wanted opinions on the journey length. The contact issues are very complicated, and the journey makes very little difference to the outcome.

I guess a part of me is just frustrated that I'd been fed this message that he was moving to be near DSs school and then it's 30 mins away. It's not rural or deep city, it's completely different towns so 30 minutes over the motorway so obviously the risk of traffic and being late bothers me. When I was being told he was moving to my town it's just caught me off kilter a bit

30 minutes is nothing.

I don't think that's enough of a reason to stop his dad having 50/50. Would you really want him in your town anyway?

30 min is ok but your husband will be an Antares if he doesn’t take your son to his regular activities.

Appreciate it's not what you'd expected but if ex is going to do the school run then what can you object to? 30 mins is not a huge time to get to school and ofc is worse than 5 mins but 5 mins is exceptional!
I'd also just make sure that in the CAO it is clear that exH has to ensure DS is taken to his agreed activities ie so exH cannot just not bother but he is breaking the CAO if so. I wouldn't specify football just the weekend activities whatever they end up being

I think as a journey for ds, 30 minutes is fine. I definitely drove that at some points every day as a child, plus an extra 30 minutes in the other direction to go sort out my horse before and after school.

But as an adult, I sure as hell wouldn’t be wanting to do 1-2 hours of school run a day (depending upon if ex needs to go back in the other direction after). I suspect the idea of it may sound appealing. In practice, that’s a lot of driving, high fuel costs, and a quite short work day. There’s a reason most dads aren’t the ones doing the school runs. I think the shine will wear off that quick enough.

But then I'm glad he's not in my town because i don't need to be watching my back every second so maybe I should be looking for the positives!

It's a very bad situation so 5050 not really likely at all, it's not really about whether it would be reasonable to refuse or reason he wouldn't get 5050 granted. But I think it's thrown me because it was all how he's moving here so he can have 5050 and then he's not moved here at all. Has just thrown me abit. He only lives 45 minutes ish atm so how has he moved "closer" "for DS" but only cut 15 minutes off the journey? What's the point? I find it really hard to not understand how he thinks at all.

DS also does swimming round the corner from our house. So that's more travel or more missed activities because of the distance. He probably wouldn't take him to either anyway. We've already had major issues about him refusing to follow through on things he's supposed to do for DS in his time, "he can do what he wants in his time"

So anyway, thanks for the perspective on the distance

30 mins is fine. Mine are older but have to leave at 750 for school start at 845.

At the younger age nursery was a 15 min drive. We also drove all over for football.

Relationship with dad much more important