What makes mealtimes hardest in your home with neurodivergent children?

[lucywiller]

Hi everyone,

I work with neurodivergent children, and one thing I've learnt is that every family has such a different experience when it comes to food and mealtimes. While I see things through work, I know parents and carers live these experiences every day, and I'm always trying to learn more so I can better support the children and families I work with.

If you had to choose just one thing that makes mealtimes the hardest in your home, what would it be?

It could be anything—food refusal, limited safe foods, worrying about nutrition, preparing different meals, school lunches, or something completely different.
I'd really appreciate hearing your experiences.

Thank you. ❤️

Getting down from the table the moment the last mouthful goes into his mouth. Generally struggling to sit at the table and savour the meal a bit (ADHD)

@Piglet89 Thank you for sharing ❤️
Can I ask, do you think it's more that he finds it difficult to stay seated, or does he simply feel "finished" with mealtimes as soon as he's eaten?

Both.

Sensitivity to textures of food. I can cook the same dish twice and it will be rejected randomly due to the texture of the chicken, for example

Unpredictable, every day. Limited and changing food selection, texture and smell sensitivity - overwhelm when things aren’t quite right. House of 4 people, 4 different dinners - every night.

Unrealistic expectations around "manners", usually imposed by grandparents.

Dysregulation. Mealtimes are often the times when the kids whip each other into a frenzy of stupidity, largely I think as a PDA response to all of the expectations on them. It's literal chaos and impossible to have any kind of normal conversation or to enjoy the moment.

Won't eat food that is anyway hot so trying to frantically cool it because they are also starving but if it's served hot it will trigger a meltdown.

Different for the different autistic family members but:
Person 1:
Patterns of eating the same safe foods rigidly for several months, and then never being able to eat that thing again. Suddenly, overnight the texture or flavour becomes intolerable. They also have pica, so will fill up on non-food when there is no safe food option, which means they can make themselves ill.
Lots of fears around food which prevents them eating outside the home.

Person 2:
Low interoception so doesn't feel hunger or thirst. Has to be reminded to eat and drink. Wouldn't eat or drink at school. No interest in food and doesn't have the communication skills to explain this. Very food avoidant. Currently under dietician as his BMI is 16.

Person 3:
Sensory seeking. Craves and seeks out salty, spicy, or crunchy food and can't self-regulate this.
When younger struggled to sit at the table.

We can't go out to restaurants or cafes as a family. Holidays are extremely stressful. There is no "normal" eating. Food is not enjoyable. It's very sad for the other family members too.

Getting up at the table and ready to eat in the first place

I think there’s far too much pressure to eat at a table, full stop. For a lot of children - and adults- with autism etc sitting at a table is really awful, the face to face contact, the expectations around it etc. We found things really improve for our son (now aged 14) when we just accepted it was okay to never eat at the table. Until we let go of that he would only ever eat two foods. Then we removed any expectation of the table - we all moved to eating on our laps in front of the TV, letting him have his iPad, and gradually he ate more and more different things. He now eats absolutely anything really. I think parents need to feel they won’t be judged by not eating at a table. We did gradually start to eat out more as Ds got older and would eat more so he’s learnt table manners through that but at home we don’t even have a table anymore.

We also ditched the table, all 4 prefer packed lunch style dinners, carpet picnics or pasta dishes, mostly plain with just grated cheese. All like to eat at different times, it's exhausting but it is what it is!