Experiences of a two year age gap between siblings?

[Hello20]

Hi,

I’ve recently found out that i’m expecting my second child, sooner than I expected but after a previous loss, i’m also feeling very lucky. There will be around a 2 year 1 month age gap between the children and this makes me nervous. I’ve seen so much about how tricky an age gap like this is with children and that it can cause the first child to regress… sleep, potty training etc. I’m starting to feel very anxious about things such as this. Does anyone have a similar age gap and can share their experience? I know there will be good and bad days, but any positives to an age gap like this? Honestly, how did it impact your first born?

Thanks!

I have 20 months between my two. I would say the most common sibling age gap amongst our friends / families of our kids friends was 2 years, give or take a couple of months.

From my experience it was tiring for the first few years but so worth it. Having two close in age had a lot of advantages - going through similar stages at similar times, and getting it all out of the way! Family holidays and day trips were great, with things to keep both kids happy at the same time.
The hardest time I think was when one was at secondary school and the other at primary. They didn't seem to have much on common then.

We always talked during the second pregnancy about our baby so my eldest was really excited by the time the second arrived. There were times when he would tell me to put the baby down when he wanted to do something with me so it took some juggling but generally I think it had a really positive impact on our first born. Company for a start.

Really? I think its perfect... we had 2 under 2.... 23m gap

Dd was trained at 2y 2m within 72 hrs using oh crap...

Kids sleep generally goes to pot whenever
.. none of its an exact science.

They play together now and it's cool.

Tips:

• bought "we are having a baby" book and read it at bedtime once I eas about 5m pregnant.
• Hold off or remove any baby dolls now... when new baby is born it brings a baby doll and push chair and special hello gift. The fairies help the babies pick. Oldest can look after baby / change the nappy while you do real baby
• Also get your oldest to be your "helper" and give them special little jobs.

• I did mummy/ oldest "special mornings" one day a week 9 - midday for mat leave year and carried it on informally at.weekends once back at work (DM or dh watched baby). Dd chose what we did and I said yes to anything reasonable. Eg. Riding lifts in shopping centre for 40mins, going for pancakes, play x for god knows how long, go to a baby class....to "buy a balloom" ... whatever she wamted she was "play boss" it was lovely lovely stuff.
• once ds was 1 I started dressing them in "twin clothes" generally sweatshirt and jogger coords. Kids LOVED this.
• any snack is given 2 x to one child who shares / gives 1 to sibling. They indirectly associate each other with treats.
• play games where its kids vs mum / dad / grown ups.

Youngest is 2.5 life is all cool. First 6/12m were full on but ypu know it will be amd you known ots finite.

Childcare is punitive cost wise but oldest starts school in September.
I have zero regrets.

My dc2 arrived sooner than planned, 21 month gap. It’s hard to find someone with this sort of gap that regrets it tbh, though the first year or so with two was hard going. I dont really remember it! I didnt sleep properly for about five years but both of mine were rubbish sleepers, not to do with the gap really

mine are now 13 and 11 and its been great

There is 22 months between two of mine and they have always been incredibly close. They are best friends, rarely argue and simply enjoy being together.

Our new baby was actually twins, born 3 weeks after our eldest was 2. It was full on but we brought them up as a group of siblings and as young adults they still get on really well.
I wouldn’t change anything, for us it was the perfect gap.

Congratulations! A two-year age gap can be busy, but it can also be really lovely. There may be a few wobbles at first as your eldest adjusts, but children are often far more adaptable than we expect. Try not to let the scary stories online steal your excitement.

Its fabulous.

Yea, the very early months with 2 are a slog, but then baby wakes up a bit, and both have similar interests and attention spans.

Not looking forward to this summer - GCSE & Alevel exams at the same point - but its genuinely been great. Id look at friends with a bigger gap still juggling nappies and pushchairs and desperately trying to keep one child entertained when they were somewhere age appropriate for the other and think "those first 6 months were definitely short term pain, long term gain".

It's a perfectly normal age gap and I agree also great longer term. You will find that when your oldest starts school that lots of dc this age have a 2 year gap to their sibling. I've got the same gap as you. I found my toddler was still most of the work. My reality was that a non moving baby was easier in comparison. You are much more confident second time around, make compromises and do things differently with the baby. It too was a bit nervous but told myself that millions of women do this. My toddler didn't regress.

My top tip is to have somewhere in every room you can quickly put the baby down to free your hands up for your toddler. So we had multiple bouncers and soft fugs scattered across the house and i bought a from birth high chair for the kitchen. I bought these second hand and sold them on again. I felt it really helped make life easier.

It is a good age gap. 2y is too young to be properly jealous, they still live in the moment. Also two in nappies, two having naps in a double pushchair is all good (depends on your 2yo!)

The hardest bit is 1 and 3 where the oldest dc is properly running everywhere and the youngest just can't keep up. That's when you're pulled in two different directions.

I have 4, now adults. The gaps are 25 months, 23 months and 32 months but the long gap between 3 and 4 was due to an ectopic pregnancy. So I had 4 in 6.5 years. It was full on for a few tears but they were great company for each other. Friends of mine with bigger gaps found it harder managing 2at very different stages.
They are all very close as adults (32 3 weeks ago, 30 next month, 28 last week and 25 since March!)

I have 2 years between my first two and it’s my favourite gap, albeit full on when they’re under 4. As soon as 2&4 hit, it was much easier. There’s a 6 year gap between DC2 and DC3 and it makes me sad that DC3 won’t have a sibling close in age to play with like DC1&2 had.

If I had my time over, I don’t think I would do it again, to be honest.

In many ways, the easy bit was when DD was a baby. Ds was jealous and we did have some problems (although it’s hard to say how much was just normal 2/3 year old behaviour and how much was having a new baby in the house) but for me the problems have intensified as they’ve got older.

They do get on well but together wind one another up and become jealous and possessive over incredibly stupid stuff (a fight over a used envelope was a low moment here.) There is a lot of stupid behaviour which they don’t do when alone as well.

I don’t feel I really get to enjoy either of them as individuals much. And mine are very different people and have different interests and are challenging in different ways too.

I love them so very much but I also know if I could go back in time and not meet them, I’d only have one.

To add, if I were having two, two years is exactly the gap I’d pick.

I have 2, exactly 2 years apart. For me it is the perfect gap, although tough in the early days but as others have said the older one hasn’t got used to being the only child, and they have shared interests quite soon.

We also found that when the eldest went to secondary the gap between them seemed to widen, but it soon closed. I expect the same will happen when DD1 goes to sixth form college in September.

It is a very common gap, loads of people I know have kids in the same school years as my two.

Congratulations!! Not ideal, it will be hard. No point trying to say it won't. However, you will manage, many parents do. Likelihood your children will be close and great playmates.

I would read some advice online about how to avoid competition between them. Things like not blaming the baby for being unable to do things, don't put too much responsibility on your eldest etc. Language around these things is important.

It's fine, OP. The first year is really hard because both kids need you so much, but from there on it's got easier every year for us (eldest is now 12). Our daughters get on really well and enjoy spending time together, which was an absolute godsend during covid lockdowns.

When I was pregnant, DD1 did a lot of cuddling my belly, feeling the baby kick, talking to my belly. When her sister was born she was delighted, and loved being involved with "helping" - fetching clean nappies, finding toys, singing etc. So long as the older one gets enough quality time with you (and the baby), it'll be alright. Reading books was really good for this - and listening to your toddler "reading" to your baby is a lovely experience.

2.5 year gap, absolutely perfect. Holidays, days out, general growing up was so much easier because it was easy to find things to entertain both (and they were the same gender). They’re 23 and 21 now and wouldn’t change a thing. Nursery cost us a fortune though, we relied on it heavily in the early days to survive the pre school years and I went back to work at five months for a break.

do you have any reading recommendations for this - thanks?

Thank you everyone for sharing your comments and experiences - this has definitely helped to read through! 😊

My 2 sons are 26 months apart. It was great, I loved it. They would nap at the same time in the afternoon in the early days. Never heard of this regression thing.

Still great now as they are good friends and have a lot of the same friends.

I had 23 months between 1 and 2 and 24 months between 2 and 3. It’s been excellent for us. They get on really well, same stuff entertains them, lots of shared toys and games.

Perfect gap imo.
Mine were two years one month apart. Adults now.

The first year of having two was hard but after that it was great. They were close enough in age to enjoy the same things and do the same activities right up to teens.
Doing the same activities is a real plus.
They were best buddies as toddlers and entertained each other constantly.

If I was doing it again I'd definitely go for the two year gap.

I have a 22 month age gap between mine. It is a great age gap. My oldest got a bonus year of me at home all day every day. Every so often the youngest would catch the oldest up in height and people thought they were twins. They attended the same music and dance classes. They enjoyed the same days out, forest school, pond dipping. They played together. Now they are teens and are great friends. They have in jokes and leave me out 😫

I have 2 years and 2 weeks between mine.
August is an expensive month!
Aside from that it’s bloody awesome. Honestly, I firmly believe there are no bad age gaps. Congratulations!