Give me all your unsolicited advice please!!

[Bigmommax]

My little one will be 3 in November and still doesn’t have any meaningful spoken language. She communicates by gesturing, hand leading, bringing us wrappers for food, or showing us objects to let us know what she wants. That’s been her main way of communicating for quite a while now.

She’s had her hearing checked by audiology and everything is normal. She attends nursery, NHS Speech and Language Therapy, and a private speech therapist. She’s also on the ASD assessment pathway.

Our private speech therapist carried out a full assessment and said her understanding is really good. She communicates non-verbally with clear intent and seems to understand far more than she’s able to express. She genuinely surprises us every day. She recognises numbers and letters, can put letters into alphabetical order without prompting, enjoys a wide variety of toys, understands how games work, and learns new concepts incredibly quickly. She just isn’t verbalising yet.
I suppose my question is: has anyone else been in a similar situation? Was Childhood apraxia of speech considered? If so, what (if anything) helped your child’s expressive language develop? Was there anything outside of speech therapy that made a difference?

I’ve really leaned into her interests, especially letters and numbers, because she absolutely loves them and clearly has an aptitude for learning. At the moment, though, I feel exhausted by appointments that seem to focus almost entirely on what she can’t do.
I completely understand that many children benefit from structured programmes, but sometimes it feels like everything is approached as a one-size-fits-all solution. We don’t struggle with shared attention or engagement and she’s already an excellent non-verbal communicator. She does have repetitive behaviours and some autistic traits, but I sometimes feel that too much emphasis is placed on ticking boxes rather than building on her individual strengths and finding what motivates her!!

I’d really appreciate hearing from anyone whose child followed a similar path, especially if they were late to develop expressive speech. What helped? How did things progress over time? Am I missing something?

Back in the fifties my brother didn’t talk just pointed. My parents were told not to respond and ask him to say what he wanted. He responded in a complete sentence much to their amazement. Laid back then and still laid back now.
Your DD could well be the same. She doesn’t need to verbalise if you respond to her non verbal communication. It is just an idea. Hope before long you can enjoy conversations.

@Fiddlesticks1 I have tried this with my almost 4yo and it was not a success. I'd been told by a few people that I'm encouraging him to not talk by letting him use signs and pointing. So I tried this and it was useless for me. Hopefully OP would have a better success. Like your DS OP mine has 100% comprehension but just can't speak. Will be following for any tips

My 9 year old did speak at that age but it was largely unintelligible. All the pronunciation was garbled, there were a lot of nonsense words that he’d invented and a lot of scripted phrases he relied on but didn’t really make sense.

At 9 his speech can still be odd but it’s totally intelligible, even by strangers, and he’s in mainstream school. He’s had lots of speech therapy, social skills group, and we spent a lot of time practicing and modelling how to have normal conversations.

Single biggest thing we did was when he said something (or pointed/growled to communicate) then even if I understood him I would express the same concept in normal language and a slightly questioning tone as though I was checking what he meant.

So for example if he wanted a cake in a cafe he might hide by the counter, popping his head up like a meerkat to look at that cake, then he might start repeating “rubble loves pup treats!” in a high voice (huge paw patrol fan). So I’d just ask “you want that cake?” to confirm he understood the normal words and model using them.

He still does the meerkat thing, but now he’ll ask in normal words for the cake.

The goal is not to force him to pretend to be “normal” but the goal is to help him communicate with the general world so that one day he can be independent. We’ve found encouraging any communication but still modelling normal language has been helpful.

I don't have a child who presented like this but I do have an autistic child. It sounds like you are doing all the right things. I understand the exhaustion of all the concentrating on her lack of ability. As long as you are doing the things you are "supposed" to (salt, asd waiting list etc), I would spend some time with her just enjoying her company and the activities you do together. It's pretty amazing that she can understand and communicate in that unconventional way if you think about it. You won't do any harm allowing her to see that you think that and consciously focusing on enjoying her company for a bit.

Things may after themselves it or they may not but she is a lovely person either way isn't she. You're doing what you can to help her "improve" so take your foot off that particular pedal for a bit.

Don't laugh - you did say 'unsolicited opinions' and this is not something I would normally say out loud - if her birthday is in November and she is a Scorpio and not a Sagittarius, then I'd wonder if she is just really sensitive? Scorpios are deep and secret, and some can be shy, but most are really sensitive, to all sorts of things, and this might be a reflection of that.

Have a look at DLD. Developmental language disorder. Often mistaken for ASD when children are young.

And if she is showing signs of communication have a look at PODD books. Or a tablet with an app such as prologue.

My child is coming up to 3.5. At 3 she had very few words but knew exactly what was going on around her. In last few months her speech has taken jumps. The school nursery has been great with her.

I wasn't so worried as I didnt really start talking til I was coming up to 4. Ive also known a number of children that have been late talkers.

I have no knowledge of your situation, but in helping to develop children's language skills generally, I am a firm believer in sharing books together - there is no such thing as too many books.
I also believe that sings and rhymes play an important role. Have a singing session every day - action songs are great as children can join in even without using the words, but repetition, repetition.

Absolutely good advice.

Just to add to your little pile of unsolicited advice:

A long time ago I attended a workshop on communication and these are the two things I remember:

1. Different kinds of communcation re-inforce each other so if you do decide to use signing or PECS cards it wont stop her learning to speak.
2. Saying the right words is extra helpful if you can name feelings for her while she is experiencing them, so if she's enjoying an ice cream "mmm! yummy ice cream! tastes good" or if she's hurt herself "oooh, sore hand! that hurts!"

And from experience with my own DC I agree with the pps who said it's about the communication and aboiut enjoying the sounds and the language together, so singing and stories and books and rhymes all great. Structured programmes might be helpful but don't let them get tense and turn speaking into a chore or a battleground. One of the worst mistakes I made with my DC was trying to insist he asked for things verbally before I gave them to him! Tantrums and misery all round.

I have no experience so please take my suggestions as just trying to be helpful. My first thought there was a guy on the Piano in the week who was non-verbal as a child, but showed an interest in things that made sounds (vibrations) like watching the washing machine. He was given a Keyboard and started to play, and express himself musically and then started speaking. My singing teacher works with ND children in special schools. He teaches piano and singing, one week was in tears telling me that during the day one of his non-verbal students started singing as he played. I wonder if music would help at all?