Kids with dog phobia...

[SaltAirAndRust]

Ayyyy I really need some advice from the void on this one.

My girls, 8 and 5 have never really been animal lovers. They've always been on edge whenever they come across dogs in particular, they check before getting out of the car for the neighbour's cat. We've been casual about it, not encouraging their panicking, trying to reassure them but from a pragmatic perspective - they're on a lead, with their owner, not allowed in the play area etc... Last week, MIL took them to the fields at the end of our road so 5yo could practice on her bike without stabilisers. She was approached by a small dog, off-lead who absolutely terrified her. 8yo disappeared round the corner on her bike till it was gone, MIL had a go at the owner about the dog not being on a lead.

That interaction has probably set us back years 😆 We're now on holiday in our caravan and of course, dogs are everywhere! Every other van or tent has them, they're outside the pub, the play area, at the National Trust places we've been to... pretty sure the only dog-free-zone was Alton Towers 🤣 I've tried leaning into the whole 'give them plenty of space and stay nice and calm, I'm sure they're a lovely dog' etc, I've explained that they can't go through life without co-existing with dogs, I will be there to look after them, I will challenge an owner if the dog isn't on a lead... nothing is getting through right now. They both just totally freak out, crying and squealing - which I'm sure isn't helping the dogs either. Most owners look at us like we're deranged. This isn't something we've taught, we don't talk badly of animals or owners, it's a real and genuine fear.

What can I do? I have had offers for them to hang out with and get to know very placid, gentle dogs but I worry that will only teach them that this particular dog is friendly... Has anyone successfully gotten their kids over a phobia like this?

I'm afraid I was that child. It was made worse by relatives forcing me to "play" with their dogs in hopes of making me overcome my fear. It just made me make more negative associations with dogs, it was so unhelpful. I did better once my parents accepted it, and worked on my reactions just being less dramatic, explained how unacceptable it is socially, rather than trying to make me change how I feel and forcing random.dogs on me.

I'm in my 40s and still not great with dogs. I actually love them, i can see why people have them as pets, and I'm ok around dogs that I know and which are well trained. But if an unknown dogs runs at me and knocks me down in the park, I still have a panic attack. I can't change that.

I would cross the road rather than walk passed a dog when I was a child. Frankly I’ve never liked dogs and don[’t see why preople should be judged for being nervous of dogs. There have been some horrific stories in the papers. I can put up with being in the same room now if they have been trained but never willingly pet a dog. I am sure as they grow up they will learn to tolerate dogs.

I've explained that they can't go through life without co-existing with dogs, I will be there to look after them, I will challenge an owner if the dog isn't on a lead...

You are doing exactly right there. And you need to adopt a calm but very firm voice when they start their screeching and say ‘I understand you are afraid but making that loud noise is just making the dog excited. Turn your back and walk away. I am here and it won’t hurt you. Now are you going to stop or are we going straight home?’.

When my kids were little their nursery/school used a public common as their main outside space, which was also used by dog walkers, and they were taught to turn their back and stay still and quiet if a dog approached. I’d start by teaching them that to stop the deranged screaming, and to help them feel more in control. They don’t need to like them. They don’t need to pet them. They just need to be able to manage encountering one in a public space.

Get books like Rescue and Jessica: A Life-Changing Friendship, , and Evie is a Dog, NOT a Robot, to teach them why dogs are so important, and why it is vital that dogs are in public spaces. Young children often have a string sense of justice, and you can talk about friends with disabilities, and how they'd feel if their friend couldn't come out because they didn't have a dog.
Trying to get them introduced to a calm dog would also be a really good thing. Doesn't your school have a school dog? OR check with friends and family-maybe make a video of you stroking the dog and playing with it first, before you let them see the dog in real life.

when a dog rushes at you or jumps up around you it can feel as if you have no control. Teach the children that if they cross their arms and turn their backs the dog loses interest if it is just playing and for the child it feels as if they can take action rather than standing and being terrified. It also signals to the owner of the dog that the child is uncomfortable. This helped my fearful child who has never got over it but can now control her reaction somewhat.

We got a puppy years ago friends daughter was terrified of dogs. Really the way you described. Met puppy and formed close bond. It did help. She now has 2 dogs of her own. It will get better
I know it doesnt help much just now. Hope you get there

I am 54 and still avoid dogs. I find them unpredictable and don’t understand their body language and behaviour at all. I love all animals, just don’t want a dog near me. I also hate being licked by a dog 🤢

ahh thank you, I don't want to diminish their fears - they're totally valid, it's more getting them to a point where they can stay a little calmer.

thank you, I totally agree that their temperament can change in an instant and I'd never drop my guard. I'd never expect this to go away fully, just hopefully more tolerant!

thank you, that's helpful. I think I am doing that, just need to remain consistent with it and help them stay calm 🙂

you're exactly right. feels like even that would be a miracle at the moment, but I'll keep trying! thank you!

thank you. I think we're a long way from being able to pet a dog, but we have talked at length about service dogs and how important they are 🙂

I would never look at a frightened child (or adult) like they are deranged and I’m sorry some dog owners have had that attitude. When a child has been obviously terrified of my (under close control, on lead dog) I’ve actually gone out of my way to reassure them that I won’t let her come near them, which has seemed to help. Not that she was showing any signs of wanting to approach them anyway!
Tbh, the number of badly trained, off lead dogs around these days is terrible and I have the utmost sympathy for anyone who doesn’t like them, or who does like them but understandably doesn’t want to be bothered by dogs they don’t know.

thank you, that's really helpful, I'll definitely give this method a go!

thank you 🙂

How are you with dogs? I ask because it’s easy to pass on fear. There’s no need to want to play with dogs but by reassuring them dogs are friendly, don’t want to hurt them and dogs are just playing with their ball etc will help over time. Also laying into people walking their dogs off lead in places it’s allowed won’t help them over come fear, keep calm around dogs

totally valid! I don't begrudge dogs access to anywhere with their humans (bar the obvious places), but even a trip to the garden centre has the kids on eggshells at the moment. I just need a sliver of tolerance 😅

I'm fine with them, I wouldn't say I'm a dog-lover, but I'm calm around them and don't mind being approached. The girls have a strong social justice warrior streak (😅) so they are quick to notice when a dog isn't on a lead. I wouldn't lay into anyone. Helping them stay calm is the key thing, I think, and perseverance!

I was exactly the same as a child. Would run miles if one approached me. I can still hear my heart beating in my chest now just thinking about it. It would have helped if my parents gave me a cuddle and told me they would keep me safe to be honest. All the talk of 'if won't hurt you, it's only playing/saying hello' etc did absolutely nothing.
Eventually I got over it when I was about 18... Ironically which is when I met my now husband and when a god came near me he would hold my hand, tell me he had me and would walk between me and the dog. We now own a dog, an elderly rescue spaniel and I love him so very dearly.

thank you, that's so lovely 😊 Plenty of cuddles when they're scared. Hopefully it's a time and age thing that, with support, they can somewhat grow out of.

They don’t need to be around friendly dogs right now, they need to be introduced to well behaved and well trained dogs.
In both my childhood and my dcs, I can remember various children that were either cautious or downright petrified of dogs. But with a bit of effort they were all quite comfortable about medium to giant working dogs long before they were willing to go anywhere near smaller friendly puppies.
Being able to tell a large dog to sit, or stay, or lie down from a distance gives a scared child a sense of control that a tiny friendly dog that wants to be their bff doesn’t.