5yo won't get face wet – zero swimming progress. Help

[Strawberrymoon98]

Hi everyone, looking for some advice and reassurance.
My nearly 5yo DS has been doing swimming lessons for two years. He is happy in the water and generally enjoys his lessons, but he hasn't really progressed because he absolutely refuses to get his face or eyes wet at all, even with goggles. He doesn’t like jumping in either.
Our old private swim school (expensive lessons) didn't have space for him this September because he is behind, which has triggered a lot of anxiety for me. I’m feeling really stressed that he will never learn to swim until he gets over this face thing. We go away on lots of holidays with the sea and pools, so it's a real safety worry for me.
I have managed to secure a place with a new private swim school starting in September, with a maximum of four kids per class. However, I am terrified the exact same thing is going to happen again. I'm so worried that all the other kids will progress and move on, while he gets left behind again because of this face-wetting hurdle. Hair washing is also problematic, I have to ensure it goes nowhere near his eyes otherwise he has a fit.
Will he ever get over this? How did your kids finally crack it? Is there anything I can do over the summer to help him build confidence before the new class starts so history doesn't repeat itself?
Thank you!

Do the lessons not include learning to duck the face in/float face down? A lot of lessons start with that in the early stages, for exactly this reason. Maybe you could work on specifically that? If you check on YouTube there are lots of videos about how to teach kids to put their face in the water.

For hairwashing, does he go in the shower? When mine were toddlers they would only tolerate a hairwash in the bath. Then, I convinced them to go in the shower by taking the shower head down and letting them hold it and wash themselves. Gradually, they got used to it and stopped being afraid to use the shower. Basically giving them control was the key.

Of course they teach putting face in etc but at the end ofvtje day its down to the child/pupil to do it!

Have you ever taken him to splash pad that is all water play and will inevitably involve water in his face but totally disconnected from swimming? That could be quite good if you haven’t already. I would say though 5 is still quite young, and it’s likely to just be a phase. I’d personally skip the expensive private swim school, because realistically he isn’t going to make any progress until he’ll put his face in, and just let him potter along in stage 1 at the local leisure centre with zero pressure.

If they haven't managed to teach him in 2 years, I would take a break and then try a different instructor a few months later.

My eldest was like this. The thing that changed it, age 5, was just mucking about at Center Parcs. No pressure at all, just fun in the water. She always wore goggles to stop any splashes going in her eyes, and one day she literally just went under the water and that was that. We were absolutely amazed. She’s almost 13 now and hair washing is still a trauma though!

Ear Plugs was the game changer for my DD as it turned out she hated the feeling of water going in her ears . Plus lots of chilled out playing and it clicked. She went from non-\swimmer aged 5 through all the levels joined a club aged 8.

I could have written your post 9 years ago @Strawberrymoon98
At that time I had a 5 year old boy who couldn't put his face in the water which significantly delayed his swimming progress.
He is now aged 14 and this year he has finally learnt to do it, 9 years later.
Now that he is old enough to properly explain, he says he had a fear of putting his face in the water and it has taken him 9 years to overcome it.
He still to this day hates being splashed in the face with water, it really upsets him if anyone does it for fun whilst swimming. He hates sudden water in his face. He keeps his face out of the shower - he washes his face with a flannel and basin of warm water after he gets out of the shower.
I've never got to the bottom of his fear of water in his face, and neither has he.
All I can say is he can now tolerate it, and yes it delayed his swimming progress by years as he is actually a very good swimmer but he was held back in lessons for years until he finally allowed his face in the water.
He still doesn't like it, it's just that he's old enough now to push himself to do it.
All I can say is he got there in the end, but it took him till age 14 to complete stage 7 because of it.
I'm 9 years ahead of you in parenting, and the biggest lesson I've learnt is to take my foot off the accelerator and to slow down and let DC take their own time to get there. Don't put pressure on your DS, he'll do it when he's ready.
Meanwhile, hundreds of kids his age and even my DS's age can't swim at all. So it's good that your DS is learning, just let him go at his own pace within his own comfort levels.

My daughter has a lot of sensory challenges and swimming took a while. What worked was taking a break from lessons and focussing on the fun - we did a few caravan holidays specifically for the pool, kept it low pressure and low expectations, went in with her and she ended up playing around and enjoying it. Once she got used to it we had a couple more years of lessons. She’s not a big swimmer but she can play on holiday and jump around in the sea and I don’t feel I need to be within arms length anymore.

My daughter just turned 3 and I have had the same issues with her getting her face wet although she doesn't do swimming lessons, I take her myself every week. What has been game changing for her (I saw someone else in the pool doing it and thought I'd try it) is holding onto her under her arms and '1,2,3 whoosh' and lifting her out of the water on one side of me and plopping her back in on the other side with progressively more of a splash and more of her upper body and face going into the water.

We aren't at head under water level yet but definite progress is being made.

My son was like this. It wasn’t until he was 7 he ducked his head under. He went from level 1 to level 3 within a term once he got to that point. He could swim he was just stubborn!

Have you tried with goggles in the bath? That cracked it for my step-son.

What really matters, learning to swim or putting his head under? My daughter and I hate putting our faces under and so don’t, my husband and son like it and do. We can all swim 🤷‍♀️

Maybe give the lessons a break and just swim for fun for a bit?

Try them with both ear plugs and nose plugs. Nose plugs were what it took for DS to go from non swimming to a fish, he just hated the water up his nose and we’ve been fortunate that his teachers have been fine with this. It’s worth a try for a few quid

On holidays with snorkelling goggles.

Small splashes in their face. Blowing bubbles in the water. All three of mine went through a phase of this and we cracked it in daily seasons in the pool on holidays with two of them. The third needed a couple of private lessons focused on it.

Now feeling terrible that I’m in my 30s and hate putting my face under! But still enjoy swimming and wouldn’t drown in a normal temperature pool and swim in lakes a lot too. I do breast stroke and a weird sort of front crawl, and back crawl but admit I don’t love the splashes.

Swimming googles in the bath helped crack it for my DD. Now she is like a fish!

What is he like atr home with washing his face?

I'd get a bowl of water (no soap or anything) or maybe the bathroom basin (watch out for unhelpfully positioned taps,) and get him to put his face in, for a count of 5, then 10, then repeat and blow out bubbles - he's in control of it as he builds up. If he wants to wear goggles, that's fine. Noseclip can help, too,though ideally, he'd progress to learning to blow air out through his nose.

My dc was fine at 1 & 2, didn't pass the level last year at age 3 as wouldn't put face in water (but would jump in off the deck!), and finally near the end of lessons this summer would put face in again. 🤷‍♀️
You can't force it or show disappointment. Just encourage to keep trying and praise what they do.

He's only 5. I'd just keep up with a regular swim session every week with the two of you playing in the pool. Take the pressure off. Let him try goggles or plugs.

If he asks why he can't do lessons with the other dcs tell him the next class involves getting his face wet and he can rejoin classes when he feels ready to do that.

Continue to play in the pool every week, and let him decide when he is ready.

I ditched swimming lessons for this reason. Started taking my 5yo myself and she learned great without her face in. Yes she’s got pretty bad technique but she swims well for quite a distance so I at least know she’d do something sensible if she fell in anywhere. She’s just getting confident to put her face in now two years later, so maybe we’ll revisit swimming lessons at some point

I would (if you can) take him for lots of sessions at any local pool with a baby pool and just play lots. Maybe throw in sinkers and get him to look down at them on the bottom and send you down to get them.

Does he enjoy the swimming lessons? If so, I would (very gently) explain that to carry on with them he needs to be able to put his face in the water, with a lot of reassurance that you will help him find a way to be able to do that. So not setting it up as a punishment obviously.

Take the pressure off - the harder you push the more he'll resist.

Might be best to pause the lessons - tell him it's someone else's turn to learn - but keep taking him to the pool yourself, where you casually put your head under sometimes, without comment. Make sure to occasionally watch things that include swimming under water (you research it beforehand on the sly!), again without comment.

Book a new swimming school, or better yet some 1-1 lessons, in a few months time.

I had the same issue with my youngest. I ended up paying for 1:1 lessons, changing instructors once to find the best fit for him. He had 4 months of these lessons where the instructor tailored the lesson to his needs in a fun way and then he joined the group lessons again. It was an expensive 4 months (around £18 for 30 minutes lesson 17 years ago) but so worth it.

Wtf have I just read?!

I am 65 years old and will not put my face in the water, just like your little one,however I learnt to swim to ensure I didn't pass this on to my kids. Tecnique is crap, my face does not go in the water but as the instructor who was very patient said, you won't drown in an emergency. Be patient with the right teacher he will get there.