Should I confront mother for not inviting my child?

[Mallorytimes]

My DS is 8, he is within a group of 5 boys who have been close since year 1. Generally all parties are either whole class or just the boys. One of these 5 friends had a party for just the 5 friends last year. This year I've found out the boy had a party but just invited 4 boys excluding my son. He had to find out in school, apparently they went to this boys house for computer games then all out for an activity. Ive always felt I've been friendly with the mum, no big friendship but always a hello on passing at the school run etc.
I feel bad for my son, he said he asked the boy why he didn't go and the boy said his mother said he wasn't allowed to invite him. We had a party for my son and invited all the boys in class but this boy didn't go as they said they were busy.
I feel a bit confused by it all and my son was quite upset.
Worth asking the mother or just leave it?

Leave it. Life’s unfair sometimes

I’d be wondering too. I’d still leave it.

Leave it with the mum, but ask the school to see if there's been any problems.

It sounds like the mother has a problem with your son? Is it something to do with behaviour or have he and her child had fallings out in the past?

Leave it

Leave.

Leave it. Teach your son that its okay to be hurt and disappointmented but that not everyone gets invited to everything. He can chose who he does and doesnt invite when its his birthday.

Another for leave it. At this age you just never know what kid has said what about what to their mum to pass the blame or get someone in trouble. Not worth getting into

It's very upsetting to find out your child has been excluded but another vote for leave it. Nothing good will come from asking why.

If i was asked the person would be told they weren't invited because they weren't invited

Good grief do not ask, seriously

Duplicate post

I wouldn’t ask, but I’d start thinking ahead and making opportunities for him to make new friends eg cubs, clubs etc.

Leave it

Yes don't say anything. But it's super hurtful 😟

If this group have always done everything together, and the mum has been friends with you all, it does sound really bad-in this situation, if I had a good reason for excluding just one child, I'd try to talk it out with his parents. Not just exclude him-if there was something so serious to justify that, I'd be speaking with the school too.
So I don't blame you being upset, but a person like this isn't likely to give you an honest, helpful answer now.

It’s shitty behaviour but I wouldn’t say anything to the mum.

Leave it. They obviously have their reasons and very possibly nothing to do with you or your child. Teach your child not everyone has to invite him. And he doesn't have to invite everyone either.

It would really annoy me if anyone thought it was ok to confront me over my choice of invites. They wouldn't get an answer that would satisfy them or a future invite.

The only time I would confront anyone was if it involved bullying towards my child etc. Not getting an invite isn't the same.

It sounds like you need to focus on facilitating his friendships with boys he’s actually close to. It’s okay to not invite everyone. Once the days of whole class parties are behind, they invite their friends. It sounds like they aren’t particularly close.

Or there could be reasons he wasn’t invited. My ds had a friend for a few years who used to invite him to lots of things (I reluctantly said yes for a bit), but never invited him to ours. He was an absolute bloody nightmare. Think filling his family’s lazy spa with washing up liquid, destroying toys, kicking the dog, using foul language. I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt because he was having a tough time with his parents splitting and an abusive dad, but no way was I having him round to destroy my house. Eventually, I just had to end the friendship entirely as it wasn’t a healthy situation.

Im assuming that is not the case and it’s simply they are growing in different directions. Sometimes friend group dynamics are tricky at this age. But keep having friends round one to one or in small groups. Support the friendships he does have. This won’t always feel like a big deal. Definitely don’t alienate him further by confronting the mum. She hasn’t really done anything wrong anyway.

They'll be a reason... might be behaviour.
Even if you ask, your probably not going to be happy with the answer.

Please don’t bother the school with this!

It may have even been to do with budget.

It's hardly bothering the school to ask if her child and this boy are having any issues in class that op isn't aware of 🙄

Just because of a party invite, yes it is silly.

If the boy said he wasn’t allowed to invite your son and was ‘busy’ when it came to your son’s party then unfortunately it does sound like the mum has a problem with your son. It’s probably his behaviour. It usually is.

I wouldn’t ask her though, you won’t like the answer whatever it is. She’s entitled not to have your son at her house for whatever reason. Encourage other friendships

I agree.

Not because of a party invite, because there's clearly an issue somewhere where there wasn't before.

If you're not a very pro active parent thats totally fine, but some of is like to identify issues and resolve them quickly. A message to the school to ask if there's a problem takes less than a minute to respond to.