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Parenting

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At breaking point with nearly 4 YO

7 replies

Shezz95 · 28/07/2026 21:01

Sorry it’s quite long but don’t know what to do.

My little boy will be 4 in September and he’s always been a handful. Never content as a baby, didn’t sleep, awful colic etc, it’s been a struggle ever since really

We’ve recently had another little boy and it’s magnified the behaviour which we did expect but we’re 3 months in now and it’s not getting better.

Some examples are:
Me and him were playing in the garden together when he just grabbed a cushion and threw it over the neighbours fence - I took him round to apologise and ask for it back. He did, which I praised but then we got home and he threw it in the fish pond and laughed

He used to be really good at going to bed but now it’s a real fight - we do story and cuddle and then he’s up and messing round for at least an hour every night

Smacking and punching me and shouting ‘I’m going to hurt you’ when he doesn’t get his own way. I tell him I won’t let him hurt me and remove him from the situation or offer a cuddle which can diffuse the situation

Everything is a fight or an argument from something as little as putting shoes one

I try to offer choices where possible so he has a sense of control. We make sure to spend one of one time with him, playing Lego or reading etc. we try to keep as calm as possible and give a warning for consequences to actions which we always follow through with (toys taken away, days out cancelled, going inside from the garden etc). In laws told DH that we need to discipline him but they just mean smacking him

I know it’s an attention thing, but even when he had our ful attention it wasn’t much better. I try and give him as much attention as I can but it’s never enough. It’s just so tough and every day feels like a battle at the minute, any advice on how to handle it would be welcome - thank you!

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Sleepytimepleaseee · 28/07/2026 21:08

This is hard. It might help to adjust your expectations - his behaviour is likely to get more tricky again when the baby is mobile as then there's this grabby little creature aiming to destroy his Lego and games. And the negative behaviour really escalates.

How much exercise is he getting? I needed mine to be having about four hours a day of walking or biking each day (typically split into two outings as staying home with him and the baby was a absolute hell) to stand any chance of getting semi decent behaviour and a decent bedtime.

Shezz95 · 28/07/2026 21:15

@Sleepytimepleaseee

He’s really kind and caring towards the baby which is a big positive but that’s a good point about when he’s mobile

he gets a lot of exercise, he’s a very mobile child - always on the go. We do 2 big dog walks a day, sometimes on the bike. He goes to nursery Monday to Wednesday and they do a lot of out door time. He used to be brilliant at going to sleep, he’d have his story and then drift off calmly on his own (the only time he was calm really)

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Lottie6712 · 28/07/2026 22:35

Is he going to school in Sept? My eldest stopped being particularly tired by nursery the summer before she started school (I remember a lot of 9/10pm bedtimes that summer...). I also remember we had some very difficult bedtimes when her little sister arrived. It sounds like you're doing lots of great things.

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Floppyearedlab · 28/07/2026 22:45

School should sort him out
You will have a different child by Christmas

Shezz95 · 29/07/2026 07:18

Unfortunately he’s not going to school until next year as his birthday is end of September, but he seems so so ready
maybe he’s not being challenged enough

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preggogreggo · 29/07/2026 08:46

Shezz95 · 29/07/2026 07:18

Unfortunately he’s not going to school until next year as his birthday is end of September, but he seems so so ready
maybe he’s not being challenged enough

Is there a school preschool he could attend every day? My DD goes to one and it was the best thing for her - she was so ready for school but had to wait an extra year so we signed her up for preschool and she loves it!

showmethegin · 29/07/2026 09:59

preggogreggo · 29/07/2026 08:46

Is there a school preschool he could attend every day? My DD goes to one and it was the best thing for her - she was so ready for school but had to wait an extra year so we signed her up for preschool and she loves it!

Yes I agree with this completely. We have a similar boy who is also 4 and preschool was a game changer. We do still struggle with his behaviour occasionally but boredom is the killer for him and he wasn’t challenged nearly enough at his private nursery.

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