Help with MIL

[Skyplatypus]

I don’t want to get any hate or judgement for this as I’m already struggling enough with how I feel and have nobody else to speak to…
My MIL has 3 grandchildren: 1 is my niece, one is my stepchild, the third is my child with my husband (her son). She’s made no secret about spending money on my niece but I just rose about it and me and my partner joke about ours not being favourites… but over recent weeks I’ve started noticing MIL seems to ignore my child, makes much less fuss over them, today she gave £40 pocket money to my stepchild and nothing to mine..: it’s eating me up inside!! I know it’s not all about money and I don’t want it to come across that way, even just time, experiences, my child seems to come off last always… I’ve never ever once stopped her from visiting or having my child any time she wants but she only ever says it’s when she ‘babysits’ which made me bite my tongue. I know it’s not my husbands fault either but I can feel my being snappy with him as a result… has anyone experienced this or similar and can please help me navigate this? I just feel angry and upset for my child and don’t want them to miss out on the same grandparents experience as their relatives!

Conversation with her needed with your partner supporting you

How old is your child vs the other two?
A GP may give money to an 8 year old for example but not a 4 year old (who has no idea on how to spend money)

My child is 4, stepchild 11, niece also 4… I think my child would spend money in the toy shop as easily as the others for example. I’d have preferred she put money to them together to have a day out of something over the summer holidays that they could both enjoy on her, just feeling a bit left out on my child’s behalf.

What does she say when she gives money to stepchild and not your child? Why doesn't your husband challenge this?

So she gave £40 to the stepchild, but not your child who is 4 and also not the other grandchild who is 4?
Or your 4 year old was the only one left out?

I can see someone thinking it was reasonable to give an 11 year old a bit of extra pocket money for the summer holidays and to spend it on a few outings with friends, but the 4 year old doesn’t necessarily need that.
Sometimes fair isn’t always equal and this could just be down to the age difference.

Do you have any other examples of where you feel it is only your child being sidelined?

I don’t really see anything wrong with her giving the 11 year-old some money for the holidays. She gets that privilege because of her age . The four year olds will get it when they are older.

Maybe she's mindful the 11 year old might get less attention with a young child around? So a little pocket money to feel special and treated is a nice gesture.

@Skyplatypus , how long has your child been in your MIL’s life?
My son married our DIL and she already had a child, they now have two more children. It took my husband and I a while to feel the same about the older child as we do about the two who are biologically our son’s. That said we absolutely didn’t treat this original child any differently to any of our grandchildren (we have others too). My son adopted his wife’s original child (sorry such a clumsy way of putting it) but we had in any case long since ceased to see this child any differently to our other grandchildren, she is indistinguishable to us now from the others but that did take a little while.
Your MIL is being very unkind and very unwise in my opinion, there is no way you should accept your elder child being treated differently to the one you share with your husband and he needs to point this out to his mother in no uncertain terms.

Is your child the only boy by any chance?