Changing schools without saying goodbye… too traumatic?

[Birds83]

I have three children, two who are thriving and very happy in a wonderful London prep school in a lovely inner London neighbourhood which we love. We have a close sense of community which is important as we have no family here. With the introduction of VAT and a couple of hiccups in my husbands business we can no longer sustain the school fees which are cripppling us (there are no holidays, no birthday parties, we’ve moved to a small Maisonette etc). We are on the long waiting list for the local church school as the local state is not great. My husband has found us a house near Haslemere and we can change to a school there that is much more affordable. Should we do this over the summer (my kids haven’t had a chance to say goodbye to their current school) or do at half term? Will it be traumatic moving somewhere completely new where we no no one and it’s a totally different way of life. My DS is seven and going into year 3 and DD 5 and into year 1. Any advice on handling the move or if someone has regretted it?

I'm stunned at you moving to a tiny maisonette to put very young children through private school. Your priorities are very odd. And despite even that not being enough to pay the fees, you're still obsessed with private education.

London has the best state schools in the country. Prioritise your quality of life, not paying for private.

Honestly, you can’t afford to pay for 2 sets of private fees now, how are you going to afford 3 later on? You’ve moved to a tiny maisonette for the sake of private school? At what point does quality of life matter more than education?

if your husband’s business struggles again will you have to pull then from the private school again? And you may not have the options you do now. If your kids are bright they will do fine in a good state school.

is this your choice or your husband’s?

Agreed.

We are outer london we selected our area because it had good primary and state options.

I dont know much about other areas to be frank but we were looking in Angel and were led to understand while state primary was great, secondaries were a bit of a black hole.

My point was really there's a hundred options other than a "cheap" private school in Haslemere

We also have a net hh oncome well over 200k gross and are VERY on the fence about private secondary for our kids. Primary wasnt even a conversation....
Our kids are 4 and 2 and honestly i doubt we will do it even for secondary unless theres compelling factors

Take the pressure off your h and move to a place with great state schools. Your plan risks having to move again and I don’t mean at natural transition points like age 11.

How can you move house in only 5 weeks in time for the new term in September? It takes much longer for the conveyancing especially if you also need to find a buyer for your maisonette.

We did this when dd was 6. It was over summer too. It wasn’t intentional but we moved back to the uk after living overseas. We came back for a holiday and just never went back.
I do remember dd being upset for a few months (as were we). But she got over it and made new friends. It’s a good time to go imo as she’ll be starting a new school at the start of a new year.

Have you already given notice to the school? If not your t&c most probably state terms notice so that would take you to Christmas.

if you have and you and the kids have visited the new school & you like the area & the school numbers are ok, moving if it helps you have less money pressure sounds positive. If you are going to leave in the summer, explaining it without mentioning the money to your child, showing them something to get excited about the new house/area and meeting up with a friend or two to say goodbye would work well. The current school could make a goodbye card in September & post it.

I'm guessing that they're renting.

Move them to an area with better state schools. That would be better in the long term. My friend moved her primary aged children unexpectedly during by the summer holiday. She wrote the class mates a lovely letter and the children wrote ones back with sweets from the teacher. It was lovely and gave closure to the her children.

They are very young. Crack on

I think changing schools over the summer makes the most sense but you need to consider this carefully. You have so, so many years of fees left so at this point as you’re changing anyway, you need to consider state schools. You can’t sustain this for over a decade (assuming the third hasn’t started yet?) As you have already experienced, anything might happen with your finances and you’d need to do this again.

Private schooling is not sustainable while your dh has such a variable income. Do you work? Your dc are young so look to move if work opportunities are more viable. You speak of the church school(state) being your only option but perhaps you need to be more open minded and look at alternatives. Your Local Authority has to find spaces for your dc if you apply but perhaps not at schools of your preference. Have you given notice to your private school otherwise you are liable for at least the autumn term fees.

It will only be traumatic if you let your own disappointment at your inability to afford putting 3 children through private school show. Did you both by any change go to private school and assume that your own children would naturally have the same privilege?

Why is no one mentioning that the OP would have to pay next terms fees to the school thry are leaving?. New schools often check that you haven't left somewhere owing a debt. Finding double fees for a term will be very expensive. I smell a rat here.

I did!

Sorry I missed it!. But I think we both agree that you can't just walk away from a school. The timescale being proposed by the OP seems extremely ambitious too.

More than once I went to school and the next day, not only did I go to a completely different school I was living with different people so obviously a different house and area.

I think you need to speak to your children and give them the options that you are thinking about. Let them know that as the adults you will have to make the final decision but you want to know how they feel about it. Don't start with the not saying goodbye. Wait and see what they decide and then make sure they understand the reality of what they choose.

I think starting after half term is the worst option, no one needs that many weeks to say goodbye, I think it could be made worse and starting at the start of term being new, has to be easier as it is a new start for everyone, albeit most of the kids will be moving up together. Just make a decision for the long term, not with the plan to move them again in three years.

My DS just left infant school. 28/30 kids will be in his class at juniors. They did some lovely goodbye activities but I think it got a bit too emotional for him, and actually something low key would have suited him better.

I would move them for a Sept start and then arrange whatever you need to do to say goodbye e.g. travel back for some play dates.

It won't automatically be traumatic. My mother made the decision to pull me out of private and into state school during the last week of the summer holidays so I had about 5 days notice. I loved the new school and made better friends there almost right away.

I only ever saw one person from my original school again and I'd been there 5 years. I moved between year 3 and 4.

Just send them to the local state. It's probably fine. Most schools are much of a muchness.

So did I!

It seems the OP isn't returning 😕

It’s horrible just moving away like that. Not only for your children but also their friends at school. My children have had others suddenly disappear from school and they have no answers or reasons, and have really struggled missing them.