11yo boy at home alone all day?

[warrior2018]

My ex and I are mid divorce and during discussions about childcare over the summer holidays he told me he would be working a certain day he normally has them and asked if I could - I’m working too - he then told me he’d be happy for our eldest (11 yo boy) to be “pottering around at home”. This means leaving him alone from when he goes to work at 08:30am until he returns at 6:30pm.. longer if he gets held up at work. I am totally against this. He has already given 11yo a set of house keys to his house and leaves him alone for around 3 hours after school until he gets back from work some days which I was not totally in favour of but now I’m worried he’s being left alone at home for longer periods alone. AIBU to think that’s not on?! 11yo has a phone but still..

It’s too long. Mine could cope, doesn’t mean it’s ideal. I got left for long days at 11 whilst my mum worked. I was very lonely. Despite Nickelodeon and all the gadgets back then.

Take annual leave or put him in a holiday club. Does he have friends that you could ask a favour for him to spend the day with them?

It’s not great.

i presume from what you posted there are younger siblings. Where are they?

some children when they hit secondary don’t want to go to childminder/whereever anymore. Does your 11 yo want to go?

8yo girl - he did say she can’t be at home alone. He has requested the day off but won’t know until just before. The only other option is for them to go to my family whilst I’m working which is fine, they’re not going to go without care. My concern is that he thinks it’s ok for him to be alone at home that length of time and I’m unsure about whether I’m being unreasonable feeling that way bc I know if I said something to him it would cause friction.

I have an 11yr old daughter and I absolutely will not leave her longer 20 mins max. It’s not just about how sensible they are, it’s about what the f they would do if their parent/s have an accident and don’t make it back!

They have a phone and other family to call? I definitely leave mine for longer than 20 mins. I wouldn’t leave him all day though.

That sounds really miserable and lonely

Not ok
at worst - unsafe
at best - lonely and very sad

So whoever is looking after the 8yr old can't look after him? Dad needs to be responsible and hire a childminder or find a holiday club himself. He would never forgive himself if an emergency happened and nobody was there to help.

My DS is 11. There is no way I would leave him alone all day like that.

A couple of hours is ok, but a whole day is a really long time. What exactly would he be doing all day?

Can’t whoever is looking after the 8 year old look after him too?

As a one off I would be fine with it.

When I was that age I would stay home all day during the summer months. I loved it but I’m an introvert and I never really got bored. Always loved having the house to myself. However my parents would leave around 6:30 tand were home by 4:00. They never could leave my sister alone, she doesn’t do well being by herself so probably would be miserable so she was always in camp or with a carer. I think it depends on the child (and safety of where you live)

I think max half day at that age, assuming they are sensible. Building up to full days by age 13.

If he was sick or a one off then I’d say yes (but someone popping in to see him) otherwise no.

Not for that long. I dont even leave my 13 year on his own that long. An hour max is how long I leave him.

Too long for an 11-year-old. I would say half a day is fine but not a full day and not a long day.
20 minutes though as mentioned by a PP is the other extreme!!

No way - it’s too long for sure. 2-3 hours maybe 4 max if he’s a really sensible self-reliant type but that’s too much time to be feeding himself and entertaining himself safely and healthily in terms of food and mental health. What’s he going to be doing all alone for that long! I don’t think I can remember being locked up in the house for that long tbh without nipping to a shop or someone popping round.

I’m a lone parent and there’s literally nobody (yes I do mean nobody besides one set of neighbours we barely know and one remaining elderly parent who can no longer drive) who could come and help if something happened to me! That’s why it’s 20 mins max!

I loved my holidays at home at that age. No holiday camps available. I was just fine.

I think it’s OK, to be honest. It isn’t ideal but I don’t think it’s unsafe or anything like that.

I also think it's ok as a one off as long as he is ok with it. It's not ideal, but lots of things aren't. I don't think anyone is suggesting he's going to be home alone every day.

Is there a sports or drop in thing at the library or similar he could go to for a couple of hours to break it up?

Is he at secondary school? Realistically most secondary age kids come home on their own and are alone for several hours (so it seems weird to say a 12yo can't be left like some posters!). It's a real luxury to be able to be at home every afternoon. I'll happily leave my 12yo and 10yo alone together as well for up to an hour. They know enough neighbours they can go to if there is an issue.

My daughter is 12. Holiday clubs won’t take her. Too old. We can’t wfh. Minimal family help. So yeah she stays at home all day. No other option. Soon as they start secondary school there is nothing available and 11yr old are just meant to be left at home all day.
Annual leave won’t cover all the holidays.
Don’t really understand what else you’re meant to do. Anyway mine will be left whether I like it or not