3.5 year old and parental preference

[cbbo]

Jesus Christ my DD is infuriating atm. I love her so much but we’re at a phase with so many big emotions. Lots of screaming hysterical upset when I say no to something (a lolly at bedtime). It’s hard but I can help her in these moments.
what I’m struggling with is being the default parent. DH is amazing, a great husband a father, but there is such a strong preference for mummy that DD pushes him away and won’t let him do anything, bedtimes are the worst obviously when she’s tired and it doesn’t go badly every day but when he can’t help it upsets us all. I find it hard being the only one she wants. I have a little bit more 1 on 1 with DD during the week and we all have some lovely family time on the weekends. Due to our work set up it’s hard for us to find time for him to have 1 on 1 that doesn’t eat into our family time at the weekend though.

so, parents to 3.5 year old girl with big emotions - how do you deal?
how long will this last?
any tips for building on the daddy daughter connection because I’m struggling being the default right now.

I honestly can’t remember how long it lasts but my DD has ASD so that bit might not be relevant anyway.

The only way we found for DH and DD to build their relationship was for them to spend time together alone so you might have to sacrifice some of your family time. Could DH start something like taking her swimming or to the park and library or could they hang out at home and you go out for the morning or afternoon on one of the days?

Actually them just hanging out together at home sometimes might be good. DC do need down time at home were there do things like watering the garden, baking, playdoh and making things.

I’d also get her used to you not being there in some evenings after tea so that she gets used to DH being able to provide what she needs and DH becomes more adept at looking after her in his own.

As for the big emotions, there are some things you can do. You could google “load bearing activities for 3.5 year olds”, these will not only help her with increasing muscle and bone density but they also help with regulation.

Try a weighted blanket appropriate for her weight and age.

Introduce some guided meditation. There are free ones in places like YouTube and Insight Timer.

Play board games sometimes so that she gets used to turn taking. Mine used to like the ones from Orchard Games.

Try some books on emotions such as How are you feeling today little mouse?. Your library should have a good selection of books on emotions and you could try a game like Learn a Lot Avocados.

That’s very helpful. I do agree we need to find some pockets of time for them to have some connection and those recommendations are great I’ll have a look today

I would prioritise him spending 1 to 1 time with her. You don’t need ‘family time’. You don’t all need to all go to the children’s farm or to MIL’s for Sunday lunch. He can do these things on his own. At 3, Dh would take ours out for days out on his own and away to visit family or off camping for the weekend. It’s important for their relationship and I would prioritise that.

Also, does he have his things he does with her as part of your normal routine? So Dh always took over with ours as soon as he came home from work, so 5-7pm when we had dinner was all daddy. I did nothing with them as I was sorting dinner and other things. Also he was always in charge of bathtime. He’d get them bathed and dressed for bed and then I’d come do bedtime. If he doesn’t get home til after bedtime during the week, then make Saturday mornings his thing. He gets up with her, gets her ready, cup of milk, watches Bluey together then out for breakfast.