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Parenting

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Parent guilt, rewarding children...

3 replies

GH2021 · 23/07/2026 13:42

My daughter (5) has received multiple 'writer of the week' or 'star of the day' at school over the last year, as well as a worker of the week certificate (i think most children have received at some point in the year and most recently an ambassador award from headteacher (not as frequent and there is only her and another who have received), and gone up a levek at swimming etc.
Me and Dad have always said well done, we are proud, are you proud etc so she doesn't rely on others for praise and can be happy for her own achievements... but I have heard from multiple parents recently who have bought new toys etc for these types of rewards and now I feel really guilty , is this normal, where do we draw the line, is there a rule to gift vs achievement? I am an overthinker!

To be honest we have a really good range of toys in the house that get played with and don't usually buy small tat type toys and I have even struggled on things to buy for most recent birthday and instead did a day out etc.

I also then feel guilty for younger sibling if i buy one as they aren't in school or swimming so cannot get these achievements.

What do others do? What is reasonable? Am I a monster parent 😅

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stackhead · 23/07/2026 13:55

We don't do gifts for awards, the award itself is enough.

DD gets to choose dinner (either restaurant or home) for a good parents evening and school report. Which usually results in mcdonalds or a chocolate heavy picnic in the living room.

Obvious we're proud of her award, make effort to be at presentations and display them for a bit (before they go into a special folder we got her for them).

Thats about it.

Peonies12 · 23/07/2026 13:55

I wouldn't even think to buy a present for those things - the 'prize' is the present? Presents are for birthdays and Christmas. not everything needs to be acknowledged with something materials. Why not do a specific family trip out to celebrate their achievements in the past year? Much nicer to do something together than buy more plastic crap.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 23/07/2026 13:58

Absolutely not as an ‘extra’ however I do buy my son treats and toys throughout the year (as his bday is close to Xmas it’s a long time to wait otherwise) and when I do I tell him it’s a reward for whatever he’s been good at, eg ‘you’ve been so good at having gentle hands! You’ve been trying to hard with good choices and listening to teachers’
little does he know that he would have got the toy anyway, but I want him to make the link that behaving well is associated with good things happening

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