5year olds attitude is really horrendous at the moment. I feel like she hates me

[sodoffbeforemycupofcoff]

I feel like she hates me
she constantly asks for her dad(we have split).
she’s always been a bit “mean” towards me.
I am quite over loving because it’s important for me to make my kids feel love.
she never wants to kiss me and if I ask for a kiss she has to have something in return.
wont cuddle me unless (you can see) she feels bad on the odd occasions, if I have done something nice for her you can see a bit of sympathy in her face so she will give me a little hug and she gives me hugs at night time in bed.
she shouts at me, she shouts at her brother. The ways she talks to me on simple sentences is so mean it’s the tone and attitude on her words. I often tell her to remember I have feelings too and so does her brother so please watch how she talks to people.
I take treats from her if she is naughty (I.e ice lolly’s, chocolate etc).
it makes me feel like I’m failing and I’m raising a little girl who just doesn’t like me or enjoy me.
nothing I do seems good enough for her. I wouldn’t say she is spoilt. Not from me anyway.
she is so kind and caring to other people so she’s not cold to everyone.
Her school report tells me she’s kind, caring considerate. She’s an incredible little girl but I just can’t help but feel she dislikes me.

This is hard to live with, but can you see how you've made her think that affection is transactional by removing unrelated treats? All she is able to control are your access to hugs so she's using that as currency.
I totally agree that she shouldn't shout at any of you. With my kids any behaviour like that gets interrupted immediately, every single time. We remind them that it's fine to be annoyed/cross/upset/disagree but we still use kind words and kind voices. And that for non negotiables, that I hear and understand they don't want to and it's hard, and I still expect them to do it.
If she's not cuddly don't force it. Some people just aren't. Read a book together or do some craft or go to the pump track with her bike and have races. Connect with her through an activity she enjoys.
It sounds like she's been through a lot and is struggling with the split and is checking through her behaviour that you aren't about to disappear if she's awful, so just be incredibly consistent and calm while maintaining boundaries.

You’re assigning some very adult thoughts, feelings and intentions to a five year old. I know they are very articulate at this age but they are still so little and they don’t really understand things like how to “watch how she talks to people”. They need concrete examples, e.g. “when you ignore me, I feel sad.” Or “when you say ‘go away’, it is not kind.” You also need to not take her behaviour personally.

It sounds really hard but don't ask for affection and definitely don't give something in return for affection. Give hugs and kisses freely but drop any expectation of her giving you affection in return, let her come to give it to you naturally.

My mum used to do that and now I see her do it with my kids and I see how they cringe uncomfortably. "I just gave you a present, now please can I have a hug?" It makes them not want to hug her and it's really sad.

wait, I think what I typed may have come across wrong. When I say I take things off her I don’t mean if she doesn’t give me affection. I mean if she is naughty like back chatting, giving a lot of attitude, being mean and not listening I do teach her those actions do have consequences just like the do in the real world (just age appropriate of course).

but I feel like the worst parent after reading these comments not that you have said anything wrong. It is that what you have said is right and it’s hit home for me. I feel like I really don’t know what I’m doing or how to raise my babies and I try but it seems what I’m doing is wrong

Extremely great advice

She doesn't like or understand that you have split with her dad. Was she a daddies girl before you split? All you can do is be patient she is confused about her feelings.

This isn’t the case. We split when she was 3 months old and we are great friends.