Returning to a previous school after 18 months away

[Icequeen2]

Hi,

Just wanted to see if anyone had advice for parents who have left a school only to return after some period. My child isn’t settling in the new school due to lack of friendships and it’s affected her greatly. She’s been there for a year and half. We originally left old school due to instability in school leadership. Multiple head changes in a short period of time. That seems to now have resolved in the time we have been gone. Child is 8 years old.

Would choose another school.

Why

I mean, I’m sure it’s fine, but you really need to stop chopping and changing. All the switching schools will do more damage than instability in leadership and not settling in friendships ever will. Did she have good friendships in the previous school? Have you worked to maintain these? That’s probably important. But really you just need to settle.

I would be cautious before moving again. I remember this sort age as being a tough one friendships-wise and my daughter's teacher saying he same. Then it all settled down again.
Is there anything about her current school that makes it hard to make friends like a particularly small class size?
If not, then I would probably stay at the same school and give her lots of support (including talk to her new teacher next year and make them aware she struggled this year).
It can take a good year or more to really get settled in a new place. There is a danger she is just about to have a better time and you swap her again.
But then I also would not have changed for school leadership issues. She is only 8 and you need to look at the long picture.

She did have friends. It’s probably the biggest regret of my life as a parent leaving somewhere she was happy. I’m trying to correct a wrong but not sure if it’s too late. I didn't keep in touch with many of the parents as we had a busy lifestyle and other kids however she still thinks of them fondly.

Surely keeping her somewhere she doesn’t fit in is worse in the long wrong then moving her again

You can move her back but don’t expect for her to just slot back into her old friendships which could be very hard for her to deal with. Her friends will have moved on and the group dynamics could be very different. A bit different but we moved DS2 (aged 8) to a school where he had a very strong out of school friendship with one boy so we were very happy to find out they would be in the same class but he proceeded to be truly horrible to DS2 as he felt he was muscling in on his school friendship group. You really don’t know how the girls will react if your DD returns until she is there so it is a gamble. If you made it clear you were leaving because you thought the other school was better you could also encounter some hostility from the parents,

So your child has been in school for 4 years, you moved her after 2 and you want to move her again? That’s very destabilising for any child. Honestly, I’d leave her where she is to minimise any further disruption.

My DD hasn't changed schools but if I compare her friendship group at age 6 to age 8 it was quite different, and by age 11 it has changed completely.

Assume you moved your DD half way through year 2 and they've just finished year 3? That's a big chunk of her school life to catch up on. Unless the current school is terrible I wouldn't move again. Give it another year and see if deeper friendships develop

I would be very wary of doing this. Your DD isn’t going to just step back into her friendship group no matter how fondly she thinks of them. For their point of view your DD moved away and didn’t really keep in touch so why invite her back into their friendship group now ? Those friendships will have developed in the last 18 months and will not be the same. Likely she will feel like an outsider again and struggle. She may well have made new friends / broken with these friends even if she had stayed as friendships move on and evolve.

in reality the damage has been done with the original move in terms of the friendships your DD had. I think your choices are either find a 3rd school - but there is no guarantee that will support your DD making close friends or leave her where she is and support her to find her tribe either through out of school clubs or at school. Unfortunately moving back your DD will face lots of questions about why she left and kids can be difficult “ so your mum thought you were better than us moving you and oooo now your’e back ! “.

I moved her mid way through year 2. So she’s done 1 full academic year at current school. Seems like the general advice is to keep her at current place. She doesn’t show signs of being destabilised by the move. As it’s a smaller
school she has struggled to fit into the groups. I don’t think i can bare another year of her being miserable and crying at pick up. Shit mum of the year definitely goes to me - I let my adult emotions interfere with her educational
experience and have now found her in a much worse experience. Life lesson for us all

Luckily we kept our reasons for moving very private and in fact announced to families on the day we were leaving. Even on the school form we put down something very generic. In hindsight I’m not sure why we left that way but i was going through health issues so wasn’t in action and didn’t really have the energy to really delve into our decision

Have you actually got a place at the school
It might be full
You are going to need to meet with the head and explain your reasons for both moves .
They may not think it is a great idea

Yes sorry forgot to mention that we have spoken to the old head and she is happy to have the kids back. In fact she gave me such a warm welcome that I felt even worse for pulling them out. She very quickly checked classes and created a space for my kid in her old class even though it was full. Defiantly made the wrong call

close family moved to away then returned.
the dynamics between the girls had changed and one bully made the girl's life hell for a full school year till the bully then changed schools.
the following year was somewhat better but things had changed between the children.
move her back if you want but don't expect everything to fall back into place.

Happened to a girl in my son's class and she fitted back perfectly and was a different child after back after two weeks

Don't worry re opinion, do what your gut says