Husband not looking after his children properly

[TheOP2]

my step kids came over friday after school. And went home this evening (Sunday) I was very busy as I was preparing to go away a for work so have been in and out. .. It's been very hot in the UK and the 13 year old girl was a bit smelly (the other one is 10) I said tto them earlier... Have you showered this weekend?!? All I got was a blank stare! I'm so annoyed at DHs irresponsibility!!! I suspect they hadn't brushed their teeth as he never tells them to either, .... How do I approach this without being told to butt out or getting an attitude?!?!

Honestly if they are teenagers they should be responsible for their own hygiene

If they are teenagers they are old enough to know to shower and clean teeth.

They are teenagers. You can point it out to DH that he needs to remind them, but it's their responsibility and they don't need 'looking after' in that respect.

Teenagers should be taking responsibility for their own personal hygiene

Theres a lot more context here needed, impossible to comment on

Where was their father when you asked them this, why were you asking them this, was it because they smelt?

Is their hygiene normally something that is problematic?

What has your husband said about it, how does he normally interact with them?

How do you know what he has or hasnt prompted? How old are the children?

Are they generally soap dodgers for some reason? Is he picking his battles if they're soap dodgers? What is his hygiene like?

What are the general standards and expectations while they're in your home?

Is it generally accepted that its their choice to wash or not?

Loads more context needed.

Teens do what teens to. If they were little it would be very different.

2 days without showering isn’t that bad, if you don’t sweat etc much or haven’t got dirty etc. I have to every day because I am quite sweaty and oily skin (so my hair gets oily) but a lot of people don’t shower every day

I think the dc have to take some responsibility for themselves really. I have DD 13 and she showers daily, often twice a day and I never need to ask or remind her. If their father shirks responsibility generally then that’s another matter .

This seems a strange post if he is your DH. Surely you'd know before marriage if he was a neglectful parent? 13 year olds can get smelly quick and can also be reluctant to shower despite lots of prompts. Is there a back story as to why you jump to him not parenting his children?

I think if children are in your house it is fine to tell them to shower and brush their teeth. Who knows who is going to tell them if you don't. And they need to learn before they are adults. It takes a village. Tell them what they need. In a nice way so they can become competent adults who are bake to take care of themselves. Your husband should be able to take the lead on this and if he can't I would not be impressed in in his parenting abilities. Xxx

But the children smell so it is bad they haven’t showered in 2 days

Come on. 10 year olds and 13 year olds shouldn't need reminding to brush their teeth. I would have to say something very loud to all concerned.