Advice on demanding stepdaughter

[TheNoisyLemonSquid]

I promised I tried to keep this brief 🙈 just looking for some advice or words of encouragement in regard to my DSD.

Me and my partner have been together nearly 4 years, my DSD is 8 & a half, I don’t have kids myself and she is an only child. She is with us 2/3 nights a week and every other weekend (my partner works every other weekend & different shifts through the week. I am mon- fri, so we don’t have much time as a couple.)

Over the last year or so she has become extremely demanding and attention seeking to the point I’m really struggling with her when she’s with us.
When she is here, she doesn’t play in her room or by herself, she will sit with us, come into the kitchen and hover whilst we’re cooking, stand next to us when we’re chatting etc. She has to be the loudest in the room and will fill every silence, interrupting to get her point across and will even come and stand inbetween us (back to me) to take over the conversation.
She’s becoming increasingly protective and jealous(?) of her dad and our relationship where we can’t have any time together without her being present, can’t sit next to each other without her forcing her way inbetween or even having a laugh or a private joke without her wanting to know the joke or conversation.
She wants him present still for bathing and needs taking to bed/ tucking in every night - I know all children are different with this, but what is the norm for 8.5?

I’m very conscious of the role I’ve stepped into and try to involve her as much I can, book special trips for us all, pantos at Christmas, days out and I buy her surprises or new clothes often, plus I do encourage my partner to have time the two of them (which due to our minimal time together, he wants us to all spend time together). I am really really trying!

It seems to be getting worse though… someone please tell me this is a phase and it gets better?! Any advice on how to cope / get through these days?

To be honest, she's still in primary school, perfectly normal and you need to separate out your relationship and her relationship with her dad. He needs to commit to 1:1 time with her, which in turn will make her more secure when you're all together. How much time you get together as a couple isn't relevant to this little girls current experience. She's only there a few nights a week/fortnight. Doing special activities doesn't build a relationship with a child, my ds had a step mum from the age of 4 (he's now 24) and she fractured his relationship with his dad from the age of around 9 by demanding he stayed in his room etc whenever he was in 'her' house. Please take a step back and let your partner parent better

She sounds like my kids at 8. You need to prioritise 1:1 time for her and her dad. And then assess if this relationship is for you as it will be like this for some time to come (and should be! It’s super important for children to have a secure attachment to their parents and you need to encourage it)

I would be worried if she wasn’t doing what you describe. Wanting to be part of the family like that is a sign of a healthy relationship at 8.

Completely normal 8 year old behaviour. I don’t think this has anything to do with the step parent dynamic. You’d find this annoying if you were here biological mother too, it’s just being an 8 year old.