Y6 - kids ignoring my DD

[sunnydayz75]

Hi
My DD left her primary today and they other kids just about said goodbye to her.
For some reason the last 2 years she has been ignored and there was one particular king leader that joined the school in Y 4 and was nice in front of teachers and then nasty to my DD and the others all followed. She is now going to the same secondry as my daughter but I have asked then to keep her separate from anyone at her current school. My daughter is very small from her age and has ADHD and will be in a nurture group so will be supported . But I am worried her self esteem is really quite knocked. Sometimes she doesn't notice which is sometimes worse as she can't see when people are. Mocking her or putting her down and she can be really vulnerable. I really hope she finds a new friend in her new school. But when you come across as different to others it cn be really hard to find that friend.

2 years? Presumably you’ve spoken with the school?

Yes I had but they spoke with the child and didn't see an issue. But people don't often see being ignored or left out of things as bullying. It is more to do with making sure things are better in her new school now. Just sad that other kids think it is ok to ignore others.

No bullying just not interacting / playing with? At 10/11 they generally have their friendships and stick with them. Nothing wrong with that but if you haven’t found a friend by year 5… it’s tricky.

Hopefully secondary will be better

No she was friends with most of the girls untill Y4 but when this other child joined the school it changed things. My DD does have additional needs and has difficulties with social cues so it is extra tricky for Children . Personally I do think it is bullying and people that experience it will understand especially children with additional needs.

The thing is, at this age, they should be kind, but they don’t have to be friends. It’s a harsh lesson to learn, but this is going to be how the world is. My dd is quite well liked and popular, but I don’t think the kids who aren’t her friends said boo to her on the last day of primary.

What you need to do is not focus on what everyone else is doing because you can’t control everyone else. Focus on building her up in a way that isn’t dependent on anyone else’s behaviour. And support her in finding her tribe. If she’s a bit different to the others, she will have the opportunity to find her people in secondary. There are all sorts out there for her. Stay focused on her and not all these others she isn’t even friends with.

Yes she is quite resilient and understands that she is not going to be friends with everyone that is not realistic but there is a difference to some purposely blanking a child that is talking to you and just being ignored cause that is rude.

Has she had any friends for the last two years? Was there a leavers residential?

I know where you're at. Hopefully if she is in a nurture group at secondary she will make friends there.

My DD sounds similar and others would make fun of her with 'plausible deniability'.

I think many parents on MN would be shocked if they could see how their DC treat kids who are slightly different at school. DD had poor treatment from so many.

This isn't about socialising, it was asking for help they didn't need from DD so they could laugh when she couldn't do it, pointing out when she was slow, saving seats so she couldn't find anywhere to sit etc etc. All of this contributed (though was not the main cause) to her failing to cope with returning to school post covid.

How is she now?

Ah sorry to hear that. That's the thing it is the fact that because she struggles with things that her peers don't . Her peers feel they can point out to her is she small for her age all the time and ignore her when she speaks to them. It is just rude. She now has one main friend in the other class and both are neurodiverse but it still hard her when others ignore which again is rude.

That is bullying
the school sounds crap for essentially shrugging it off

But it i looking at building on secondry and hope there will be someone that she gets and they get her
Unfortunately at lot of secondry schools still don't get neurodiverse children and neither so other children that don't have these difficulties just seen as odd.

Primary school was hell for my ASD DS. Small pool of people with similar backgrounds that he didn't fit into and was targeted not just by pupils but bigoted parents too as we were not of the right socio economic status. He hit high school and as cliche as it is he "found his tribe". A small group organically formed, made up of some other SEN kids, a refugee who had lost both of his parents through war and didn't speak English and a boy with profound deafness. They found their own way to communicate and spur each other on. They are all adults now and some have drifted apart naturally but I know my son has friends for life who really know the true value of support, respect and tolerance.

Sorry to hear that primary wás difficult. I am glad to hear your DS did make friends thought. That is positive to hear .thank you

Despite what I wrote above, DD2 also made friends in secondary, and quite a group until lockdown.