Please give me advise on challenging behaviour

[Imaginary86]

I am really struggling with my oldest child’s behaviour, he will be going into year 3. Lately he has a really bad attitude, he back chats and has an answer for everything. I try to be really fair to him but the littlest thing can send him into a meltdown. At school there hasn’t been any reported issues but at home I am really struggling. He wants to drop out of his hobbies, which I’ve allowed other than one of them because I think it’s important he keeps it up. If he doesn’t want to do something or like something it can send him into a meltdown, making everyday difficult.
At times he can be sweet and is good at cleaning and tidying but his attitude is sending me over the edge.
How can I approach this in a way that teaches him his behaviour isn’t acceptable? Admittedly I have started to shout a lot which I am not proud of. Please give me some advice if you have any.

Stop shouting. Calm expectations and consequences. Spend fun time with him.

I have no advice but sending solidarity.
Same age.
Same meltdowns.
Sane temper
Oh and he likes cleaning too - I bought a new hoover today and he tested it by doing the whole house!

Some days are better than others but some days are bloody tough.

X

I’m really trying but the attitude is driving me crazy. What consequences would you put in place? He has time out

It's hard to advise from here but focus on connection and time together where he can feel in control, choices etc, and minimise the amount of controlling that you do of him.
And try to do written down consequences whether it be early bed time, miss out on a fun activity or whatever, make you you write the rules down and consequences so you both are clear. Including consequences for yourself if you shout (keep yourself accountable!)
And make sure he's involved, he's old enough to input into the rules even if you get the final say.

I try to do natural consequences. I notice my kids get ruder with the back chat etc. when they’ve had too much screen time. So when that starts up, I say “I understand you’re upset, but it’s not OK to be rude to me. You often get rude when you’ve had too much screen time so if this continues we are going to have a break from screen time for the next few days. This is your only chance. The next time you’re rude to me, that’s what’s happening.”

Try and understand things from his point ofview. He is a child, he had a lot less control over his life than you and he has significantly fewer coping skills and emotional maturity than you but you’re expecting him control his emotions when you can’t control yours. You need to both work on emotional regulation strategies. You need to model how to do it,