Concerned about another mum contacting teenagers and involving herself in disputes

[Imjustme26]

Don’t really know where to start but my YD is 14. I’m having a little trouble with a “friends” mum and I find her actions very strange and don’t know if I’m being overly sensitive. So this mum also has a 14 year old daughter, she’s very over friendly with a lot of my daughters male friends. Has a lot of them on Snapchat etc. But not just that. She won’t accept requests from female friends only male and she snaps them daily. Even ones she doesn’t know really well. That’s not even the main concern, these girls parents are very much helicopter parents, especially the mum. My daughter and her daughter have had a problem recently because my daughter is friends with this girls ex. Today it escalated when they were out watching the football (with the ex amongst many other friends) and the “friends” mum was on the phone and “wanted to speak to my daughter” this was said in a threatening way from the daughter. This other mum is well known for messaging people her daughter has a problem with, to the point she’s almost bullying and terrorising these kids. Am I overreacting. I will say I told my daughter to message the girl and say if the mum had a problem she’s more than welcome to call me directly.

edit* there’s also a lot more concerning things she has done but it’s not relevant to this problem but overall shows how unstable she comes across. Like forcing her daughters ex (13) into her car and took her back to their house when he had “upset” her daughter, things along those lines.

Tell your daughter to block / not answer people who contact her when she hasn’t given them her number.

If you actually thought she was forcing teenagers into her car you’d have called the authorities by now, so I think you’re exaggerating on that cos she’s pissed you off by being horrible to / about your daughter.

sounds like mafia type behaviour and omg

Hmm, I’d actually consider mentioning this to the school - the messaging element. If this was a man and teen girls we’d know it was not ok.

14 year old boys are still vulnerable to grooming. It’s complex as they’ll often be egged on by friends without realising themselves the power imbalance or how it might impact them in later life.

A grown adult.woman messaging 14 year old boys is concerning behaviour. As is dragging a child into her car.
The police need to involved inmh

I think OP means the girl is friends with all the boys? Surely?

It all sounds very dramatic and best left alone to me. Also agree that it's very odd that this particular issue is what has you concerned of you think mum is forcing children into cars.

I think your daughter might be better off distancing herself from the drama. Certainly she doesn't need to be talking to this other mum.

It sounds like you should just forget all of it. Tell your daughter to block the mum.

By even giving her space in your brain it's just fuelling her desire to insert herself into these teens lives. She's probably lonely. And odd. But you need to distance yourself from the whole drama.

Do you have the mum's number? If so I'd message her and tell her to come directly to you if she has a problem, she should not be ringing children to argue with them regardless of what she thinks they have done.

I would report your concerns around Snapchat to the school's safeguarding lead. If you know the names of any of the boys, I'd share them too.

1. message the mum and tell her to back off
2. Block her and her daughter if the daughter is facilitating it 3)report to the school/higher authority if it is continuing

I wonder if people would say to just leave and ignore, and that she must be lonely, if it was the girl's dad who was adding teenage girls to his social media and contacting them

@Imjustme26 Tell school. It's a safeguarding issue that she messages teenagers. I have my DS1 16 y old two friends on WhatsApp but only because he never answers his phone when out or to clarify meeting points because he sometimes misunderstands. But those messages are brief, polite and succinct and anyone who read them would see that this is clearly a mum looking out for her autistic son- not trying to blur boundaries or becoming friends with these lads.

She sounds quite unhinged and immature and probably doesn't have a life of her own. I would be mad as f if a parent called my dc directly to handle a dispute. They are too young for that and too old for parents meddling. Well done for directing this mum to you if she's got anything she wants to say to your daughter.