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Parenting

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Am I wrong to feel dismissed over my partner's childcare decisions?

11 replies

Missymanc · Today 18:38

I Have been with my partner for 3 years and he has a 6 yr old who he co-shares. We live together in my house with my 15 year old son. My stepsons mum doesn’t seem interested at times in having her child so we pick up most weekends, any doctors appointments, football practice during the week and for weeks when she goes on holiday or needs a break. I feel like my OH never gives me a say in this though and I’m just told about it when the plans have already been made. Am I wrong for feeling annoyed or dismissed? I always get accused of not wanting him around, but when we originally got together it was close to their breakup and she denied him access to his child for months. I don’t want to seem like the wicked stepmom but at the same time, I have already raised my son and am happy building my career now that I can.

OP posts:
Betadelta · Today 18:41

Does he expect you to help care for his son? I think this is ok as long as your partner is doing the lion's share of caring for his son and isn't expecting you to share the childcare.

Minnie798 · Today 18:41

Are you expected to be involved in drop offs/ day to day care of 6 year old, or is dp cracking on with it himself?

Coralsunset · Today 18:44

Why is he living with you? Can you carry on the relationship without living together?

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MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · Today 18:44

Is he doing the childcare or expecting you to do it?

Offherrockingchair · Today 18:45

Cocklodger alert! Get him to move right back out again!

MostlyHappyMummy · Today 18:47

oh dear
i suspect if you ask him to move out into his own place and have a 'not live together' relationship he'll have his son a lot less
always the way

Gardenisablooming · Today 19:00

Time you started being around less...
Or him less full stop.

stichguru · Today 19:03

If mum isn't really that bothered with the child, then the dad is 100% to pick up her slack for HIS CHILD's wellbeing. You are, of course, fine to live apart or even to chose not to go out with the man at all, but he should be putting HIS son FIRST!

Zanatdy · Today 19:10

Sounds like he isn’t the guy for you. He wants to prioritise his son, and rightly so, and you have been there and done that.

Missymanc · Today 19:34

So to give you more context, he does the lions share with his son, it’s really lovely to see him so caring and I love that for him so I’m usually happy to play second fiddle and get on with my life but my issue is he says yes to everything without running by anything past me. She dictates and if I try to bring it up, in his words “it’s her loss” we now never have any time together at weekends or a lot of the week now too. I’m just dreading the summer hols and don’t know how to speak to him about it.

OP posts:
Missymanc · Today 19:36

Missymanc · Today 18:38

I Have been with my partner for 3 years and he has a 6 yr old who he co-shares. We live together in my house with my 15 year old son. My stepsons mum doesn’t seem interested at times in having her child so we pick up most weekends, any doctors appointments, football practice during the week and for weeks when she goes on holiday or needs a break. I feel like my OH never gives me a say in this though and I’m just told about it when the plans have already been made. Am I wrong for feeling annoyed or dismissed? I always get accused of not wanting him around, but when we originally got together it was close to their breakup and she denied him access to his child for months. I don’t want to seem like the wicked stepmom but at the same time, I have already raised my son and am happy building my career now that I can.

So to give you more context, he does the lions share with his son, it’s really lovely to see him so caring and I love that for him so I’m usually happy to play second fiddle and get on with my life but my issue is he says yes to everything without running by anything past me. She dictates and if I try to bring it up, in his words “it’s her loss” we now never have any time together at weekends or a lot of the week now too. I’m just dreading the summer hols and don’t know how to speak to him about

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