1 year old sleep issues. One nap or two?!

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I have posted about my daughters sleep before, it might purely just be a case of who she is and there isn’t much I can do about it but just want to see what other parents say/ think about this.

so my daughter turned 1 on Sunday just so your aware of her age. She is an awful sleeper! So when she was having 2 naps she was waking in the night and she would have to stay up for a bit and sometimes have another bottle, so I dropped it down to 1 nap where she sleeps roughly 10/11am to around 1/2pm (it is usually 2.5-3 hours).

Last night as an example, I put her down to bed at 7pm, she was tired, been awake since 2pm so that’s a 5 hour wake window, she was rubbing her eyes and did go down no problems. She then woke up at 9pm, my husband was home by this point, so he gave her a cuddle, some time crawling, she had a bottle, nappy change and we put her back down at 10pm, and even though she was quiet, she was sitting up still and moving around a bit an probably didn’t fall to sleep until just before 11pm. She then decided to wake up at 3am, no chance of her settling herself after leaving her for a little while so I had to get her and bring her into our room, she was a nightmare, not crying, just wanted to crawl/ play in our bed, climb up us, making cute happy noises etc… but she eventually got tired after about 45 minutes of this, put her back in her bed just before 4am and she went back down really quickly.

What is this?! Is this a regression? Does she need to go back to 2 naps? She still has no teeth so could be teething but she doesn’t seem in too much distress, could it be separation anxiety?

Also would putting her in a cot in our room be the answer or could this make it worse?

I am just out of ideas, what to do, how to manage this etc. I hate broken sleep, especially when I work full time and have a 3 year old to also look after. It just makes me feel so ill. I get it can happen occasionally but it’s happening most nights with the very rare night she will sleep through.

That's awful, I'm sorry OP.

Firstly, you are making the wake ups way too much fun. Bottle, crawling, playing?! Keep the room pitch dark and hold her or put her on the bed with you. Nothing else other than a pat and shush/song. She doesn't need a bottle at 9pm, she's just eaten 2 hours before as she presumably gets a bottle at bedtime.

Secondly, 3 hour nap might be too much. What time is she waking up? Keep her up for longer in the morning and cut the nap to 2 hours.

When she wakes up keep her in her room in the dark, bottle if she needs it but no other interaction, put her back in her cot and say night night. Keep doing that if she stays awake. She needs to learn that wake ups don’t mean she gets cuddles and allowed to come downstairs.

I’d also agree with pp that 3 hours for a nap could be too long and it’s very early. Push it to midday and cap at 2 hours.

@HeatWaveHell84322we have tried doing that when she wakes up, but the minute we put her back down she cries so we just end up getting her up 🙈

I will definitely try the 2 hour nap today. I will do 11-1 (I wouldn’t be able to do it any later as she has lunch when she wakes up). Is 2 hours each day enough for a just turned 1 year old? X

@OverthebowI am going to try this today and hope for the best! I will meet in the middle and do 11:30-1:30 today. It’s crazy because my first born was still having 2 naps a day up until he was 15 months and he would sleep all the way through most nights with the very rare occasion of waking up.

So pick her back up, rock or cuddle back to sleep. You're taking the easy option in the moment but she now knows if she wakes, she gets a bottle and playtime which is biting you in the arse. Not judging, I know how hard it is. But the broken sleep won't be good for her.

Yes, mine only had 1.5- 2 hours of day time sleep at that age.

When my son was a year old he was on 2 naps a day (1 hours and 15 minutes long each) and then he would sleep through from 7pm to 6am.

His first nap would be 3.5 hours after first waking and his second nap would be 3 hours after waking from his first. It would then be about 4 hours until he went to bed, so it was all quite evenly spaced.

He probably moved to one nap when he was about 18-24 months old and we capped it at 2 hours and he had it after his lunch.

I’m firmly in the camp of sleep begets sleep.

No, kids aren’t robots, but in my experience the 2-3-4 routine is a great basis for 1yr old sleep. And many people find that when day sleep comes together, so does night sleep.

That typical routine is: wake at 7am - 2hr wake window - 9am first nap for around 1-2hrs - wake at 10/11am - 3hr wake window - 1/2pm second nap for 1-2hrs - wake at 2/4pm - 4hr wake window - bed at 6-8pm.

It feels very counterintuitive to put them down for a nap at 9am or put them to bed early, but in my experience it work (parented and cared for multiple sets of twins).

Both my twins very happily kept their 2 naps til at least 2.5yrs old.

The problem right now may be that she is quite chronically overtired and trying to catch up on missed sleep in these long day time naps, but 1) daytime sleep isn’t very restorative and 2) she still has a very long stretch til bedtime.

Early bedtime is a good idea when either night or day sleep has been very disrupted or sparse – as early as 4:45pm if the child is chronically overtired. It sounds crazy but the hours from 7-midnight are more restorative for sleep than any other time of day or night. If she wakes from a nap at 1pm and has had a crap sleep the night before, try this 4:45-5pm bedtime. And I mean sleep at that time, not starting bed routine at that time. It is very good method for correcting very overtired kids.

I’m sorry you’re struggling, it can be horrendous.

2-2.5 hours of nap time and 10-11 hours of night time sleep is typical for this age.

You could split in into a 30 min morning nap and a 1.5-2 hour afternoon nap if you wanted, or just 2 hours after lunch. Really depends on what works best for your routine and baby.

I would designate what you want your 'night time' hours to be (eg 8pm-6.30am) and don't turn on the lights, start playing or take your baby out of her bedroom during those hours.

How does she get to sleep? Is she self-settling or falling asleep on a bottle?

Sleep does not beget sleep that isnt science based. Look at the possums approach.
I’d cap the nap at 2 hours, and maybe even 1.5 hours. Average is 10-11 hour overnight so if you do 7pm bedtime you have to expect 5am wake up.

She is clearly undertired for the night with wakes of that length.
I think you are stimulating her too much during the night wakes. You have to keep her in her room, in the dark, no speaking, no bottles, no nappy change (unless dirty). A floor bed has been massively helpful for us so you can lie / sit there with her, and not bring her to your bed.

@Didimumi am going with this approach first. I have just put her down (bit later than I wanted too, but will be earlier tomorrow) so I have set my timer for 1.5 hours, will wake her up, lunch, play, bottle, second nap 2:30pm and will wake her up after 1.5 hours and the bed time 7:30/8. I will do it slightly earlier tomorrow as I will be more prepared. I am going to do this for a few days to see how she gets on, if it doesn’t work, then I might try 1 nap per day 12-2 and bed time at 6. Fingers crossed 🤞

Good luck! I would also persevere with any chosen method for at least 2 weeks, rather than chopping and changing. That way you can really start to eliminate cause/effect and chronic overtiredness correcting itself x

@Didimum yes I will give this 2 weeks as I know it might take her time to get used to the routine. Quick question… so I have put her down, she isn’t crying, but she is sat up, occasionally making very slight winge/ moan noises but nothing, sometimes standing up…. Do I leave her, or go in to comfort her? Or is the comfort only when they cry? This is where I get so stuck on what to do. I put her down 20 minutes ago

I’d leave her if not crying but 20 mins shows she isnt tired enough. Later bedtime especially with 3 hours of naps, thats a very high amount for that age.

@Peonies12 she isn’t settling very well, very fidgety, she never ever sits still, it’s almost like she is struggling to sleep. I can’t even cuddle her or try rocking her to sleep as she just wants to be in the go, get down or sit up and be nosey. I feel so stuck

I’d only go in if she starts outright crying, and then just a quick hug/kiss and lay her down again and leave.

Some kids are comforted enough by this and settle, other kids get more het up by their parents presence.

One very good method, if they are getting distressed at being left alone is to go in, then leave and come back at increasing intervals whether they are crying or not. This little, those intervals should be short – 10 seconds, then 15 seconds, 20 seconds, 30 seconds, 45 seconds, 1 minute. This teaches them that you WILL always come back, whether they are crying or not.

I disagree with the poster above that says her sitting up/moaning is a sign she’s not tired enough. 1) she is chronically overtired, she’s going to find it harder to settle 2) she is very dependent on sleep crutches to help her settle. Once her overtiredness is corrected and she feels safe in her sleep space, falling asleep with more ease should come.