Help needed with toodler and newborn

[Kellym25]

Help!

I've just has my second baby (she's 13 days old) and have a 2 year 9 month old boy.

Up until the last few weeks, he's been a lovely little boy, not many issues with him and generally well behaved and listened and hardly any paddy's.

Since having our daughter, he's been a bit of a nightmare. He has stopped listening, started holding his drink in his mouth, swishing it around and then coming up to me with it holding in his mouth waiting for me to tell to swollow it. Sometimes he does other times he dribbles it all down his top. He's having a paddy when he has ti put his shoes on, screaming no at us a lot. My other half has been home since having the baby and is until the end of the month.

I've made sure I put time aside to play with him and we've started reading books before bedtime just me and him.

He was a mummy's boy big time and I understand that it's a massive change for him but please tell me this doesn't last long and is normal behaviour?

I'm sat in tears writing this and dreading the rest of the day and questioning what the hell I've done having another baby.

Make him feel important as the Big Brother. Say to him that the Baby needs his help and involve him with bathing and changing the baby . That worked for me .

Sounds all totally normal, get him involved as much as possible and basically ignore the baby as much as you can. Ignore the drink thing,just turn your head and pretend he's not doing it and give no attention at all.

Normal. We're a month in now and it's gotten better. The first two weeks were really really hard though.

With kindness, from your op he’s having a bit of a tantrum at transition times which is normal for 2 year olds, especially when they want to be independent but perhaps aren’t able to be yet, and he’s dribbling some water. 2 year olds don’t often listen ime either. I think he’s just being a normal toddler and it feels like he’s being naughty and a nightmare because you’re tired and stressed and maybe you’re not used to it. If you’re worried he’s acting out just be calm as you can be with him, let things go and pick your battles, eg does it matter if he dribbles some water? If you’re in the uk it’s hot anyway atm, just let him get a bit soggy or take his tshirt off if he’s not in the sun.
I find with my similar age child that 50% of potential fights can be avoided by giving two options and letting her choose, and she likes choosing so she’s more likely to listen. Eg would you like to walk up the stairs or would you like me to carry you up the stairs.

I would talk lots about how much you love him, let him ‘overhear’ you telling people how much you love him and what a good boy he is and how much the baby loves him too.

What he's doing is completely normal, he's very little and feeling uncertain, anxious and possibly even angry and he doesn't have the vocabulary to express these big feelings.

I once read an article that said imagine if your husband came home with a new wife and you were told you've got to be good and welcome the new wife and help look after her. All your friends and relatives visit and make a big fuss of the new wife and want to cuddle and kiss her. This is what it feels like to some toddlers when a new baby comes into the home!

What's needed here is lots of time and patience and making plenty of time for him. Once baby is fed, hand over to dad and spend as much free time as you can giving extra cuddles, reassurance and playing with him. Ignore low level bad behaviour and tantrums. Ask but don't force him to help with changing (can you get mummy a nappy/cream/wipes etc) and tell him once we change baby we can pop them down for a sleep and we can play. Give it time and things will get better 💐

My DD was almost 2 when DS arrived and she was so jealous of him. I can see why, her life changed so much over night.

I read somewhere about making the toddler feel just as important as baby, so depending on what the baby needed, somtimes if the baby cried and I was with DD I would say outloud somthing along the lines of "just a moment baby, I'm helping DD with this first ( I didn't leave baby crying ) it helped DD feel important. I made sure to still treat DD like she was my baby too ( not saying your not )

I also really bigger DD up infront of the baby " oh wow baby look at DD doing that, isn't she so clever" ect

Give it time, his whole world's changed overnight hasn't it. Mum and dad are more tired now, baby cries ect, he will be seeking out your attention in ways he knows how, he can't communicate how he feels properly at that age. It will get better x

I would talk lots about how much you love him, let him ‘overhear’ you telling people how much you love him and what a good boy he is and how much the baby loves him too

This is excellent too. I would pretend to be on the phone and talk nicely about DD 😅