DS7 excessive willy fiddling

[ThatWildGreenBird]

Posting here as really don't want to google this!
Ds (7) is obv obsessed with his willy as many little boys are. We have more or less managed to stop the public willy fiddling, but he has started really going at it when in bed in a way which feels quite adult. We've been on hols recently so sharing a room which has made it more obvious. He usually shares a room with his little sister, luckily she is completely oblivious.

I'm at a bit of a loss how to deal with this / how to have an age appropriate conversation about it. I'd perhaps expect it when he's a bit older but 7 feels very young! Is this normal!? How to talk to him about it?

I should add he is being assessed for ND and not great at communicating his feelings/ speaking about 'big' topics.

Advice please!

Taught a girl in primary Year1/2 who constantly masturbated. Spoke to school nurse who said it’s quite normal and will outgrow it. We discussed with parents and they talked to her about some things you do in private. It eventually stopped. I guess it’s probably the same with boys.

We had this. It started very early (4?). It calmed him down. We spoke about it being something you only do on your own, but that didn’t really work until 7-8. Now 9, I assume he still does it, but he now also keeps it hidden from his parents. His school experience has also become less stressful (external factors) which may help.

We‘ve been skirting an ND diagnosis for a while. It’s diagnosed slower and later in this country, but there are traits and he uses a lot of independent strategies throughout the day.

There would be some safe guarding questions in my head. What kind of internet access does he have? What kind of access do other grown ups have to him?

If you’re happy that he isn’t being exposed to anything untoward and he’s only doing it in bed which is private then I’m not sure there’s much more you can say. It’s probably within the range of normal.

It would make me uncomfortable that he’s doing this and he shares a a room with a younger sibling though.

Well, urgently your DD needs a different room to your son. If you’re in a 2 bed then adults need a sofa bed in living room.

Has he got a dad on the scene? If so, it would be better if he spoke to him about it. But either way, a conversation along lines of….. it’s fine if you want to do that, but it’s something you can only do in private, with no other people around. Same goes for itching in that area.

Definitely needs his own private room and reiterating it's a private thing.

Remove this post. I asked the exact same question a few weeks ago and apparently I’m a horrible parent for not teaching him not to touch himself 😂

Fidget spinner?
Distraction might work.

"Its not a fidget toy" is a regular line in this house 🙄

Also 7, autistic, highly sensory seeking. He will pull, poke, twang it like a guitar, how its still attached ill never know.

Distraction works well here, keeping at least pants on (doesn't like wearing clothes) and giving him other things to occupy his hands with, because in our case, thats why hes doing it.

Friend who's a childminder looked after a little girl who used to 'rub against' objects in that area (quite vigorously) and she was a toddler. Parents were perturbed and consulted their GP who said it's very common, nothing untoward about it - it's just a pleasurable feeling they've discovered, not sexual as they don't have any understanding of sexuality at that age. She outgrew it and is a lovely healthy normal young woman now.

Best advice is to stay calm and don't show anxiety around it, encourage him to remember private parts are private and it's not something to do in public but in the privacy of his own room/bed. He will probably outgrow it before long.

I'm a nanny and believe me, it's very very common!

Reiterate it's something to do in private, but he will need his own room going forward!

Ignore, distracted and remind him to do it in private. As it's not nice for other people to see. I agree he needs his own space.

If it gives you an relief my 10 year old is now on the other side of this and does it a lot less. He used to like the sofa cushions, which we would ignore as much as possible.

Remember, Ignore, Distract and Remind.

This is a very normal developmental stage OP as lots of people would tell you. He will benefit from some boundaries about context but there is nothing inherently worrying. Please don't worry.

I agree it can be a completely normal development stage. A lot of safeguarding things can be completely normal on their own. It doesn’t hurt to sense check what he could be exposed to online.