MIL pressure

[SCK2024]

I’m really struggling with my anxiety over this, please be kind.

my baby is 13 weeks old.

MIL who I don’t particularly know well has been asking my partner when can she have the baby for a few hours.

At the beginning (1st 2weeks) his mum/her partner and 3 aunties came to visit.

i arranged to meet his mum for a coffee and walk a few times, we’ve done it once (6weeks old)

None of them reach out to me to arrange seeing the baby.

my partner is constantly working days and nights so he isn’t around much.

Ive told him that they need to reach out to me as I’ve tried messaging and I don’t even get a reply or too busy, he says I haven’t tried.

i really have.

partner says my mum sees the baby nearly everyday, yes she does, she’s my mum lives 1minute away and actually supports/helps me with the baby/ house chores/meals/cleaning/food shop/company.

i have told partner it’s way too soon and im not comfortable with her staying with anyone for a few hours, by the way.. he hasn’t had her alone for an hour since being born, it’s all me.

i am breastfeeding by bottle only now.

i feel as if they want the baby alone without me I find it weird that they don’t want to make an effort with me and dont communicate at all with me only to him.

the thought of leaving her with anyone really upsets me to tears and I have been feeling so pressured and that I’m to blame that they don’t see her.

i believe he should be organising meet ups if they choose to go through him and not me, why should I always be the one trying?

am I being wrong?

she’s still a newborn I don’t really know them, I know that she’s my partners mum and I do trust them and have no doubts.

i just feel it’s too soon and our baby is not familiar with them.

She works 6 days of the week apparently.
she isn’t easy to get along with socially although we do get along when we have called over.
she just never makes an effort towards meeting up with me with baby x

No way would anyone have my child at that age. If they’re that bothered to see your baby they’ll see you too, if they’re not then they can’t want to see them that much 🤷🏻‍♀️
your partner sounds like an absolute bellend though and I’d say that’s your bigger issue

I didn't leave my baby with anyone at that age, apart from when my dad used to walk him round the streets in a sling so he could nap (he only napped whilst carried and I was desperate to do things like shower).

She's the baby's gran just as much as your mum! You say she doesn't ring you-lots of people advise in-laws only go through "blood" family to arrange things. Seems stupid to me, but maybe she's read all those anti MIL things and is scared to? As for helping you, tell her what you want. It's understandable she doesn't want to burst in and start doing stuff, because that would get her criticised too.
I know some family is more/less helpful than others, and it can be hard going out of your way to encourage someone, and bending over backwards to give your child the best chance of having a good relationship with them. But if you do everything you can-keep calling the person, offering and suggesting times to meet and things to do, then best case scenario, you all have a great family that supports each other, and most importantly, the child gets that irreplaceable relationship (the more the better, as we never know how long people have or what tomorrow brings). Worst case scenario? She never turns up, never does any of the things you ask, but your conscience is clear and you know you did all you can. Been there.

Thanks for explaining @SCK2024. By my reckoning (& I have recently retired from doing shift work), that leaves him plenty of time to spend with you, his child and talking to his Mum!