Is it rude to refuse sweets offered at the school gates?

[Strawbewwy]

Just looking for a bit of a vent and hopefully some sensible advice as I am conflicted on this.

I really try to feed my children as healthily as possible. My eldest genuinely enjoys fruit, vegetables and meals containing these. If offered say, fruit or a biscuit, would lean towards the biscuit most of the time but would probably want both. The youngest is a lot fussier but we're doing the best we can.

What I am struggling with is outside influence. The eldest has started school now and it is things like other mums at the end of the school day offering out lollipops, ice creams, bags of sweets. This isn't for an occasion, a birthday, a party, a play date, but just a regular occurrence. I understand that some children do have an after school snack (although mine can usually wait until dinner as we eat fairly early), but what I don't agree with is it all being junk food. It is also generous that they bring enough for everyone and offer it out but it does put me in an awkward position. I don't want to seem ungrateful or rude but also don't want to say yes the majority of the time.

I know a lot of people will say what is the problem, it's a little treat etc but it is the frequency for me and also I'd rather when it is a treat, it wasn't at the school gates and instead after dinner in the summer we might go for an evening trip to the park followed by an ice cream or whatever.

Is it rude to say no? Do I just need to unclench? But what about their overall health including dental? Will the other parents think badly of me? It is difficult for my child who gets disappointed when I say no, especially as it isn't consistent.

Any suggestions?

Since when did OFSTED police what parents feed kids at the school gates at the end of the day?

There's nothing rude about "No, thank you" (unless you're trying and saying "urgh, no thank you).

Very rude and precious

You can say thank you politely and let the kids have them later

I am baffled that you w given this a moments thought. Do you know what it is that has made you doubt yourself? Have you often said yes to things to be polite

No, it's not rude. It would be rude to have a bag of sweets and not offer them around, but it's not rude to politely decline the offer.

I've never seen the need to do what everyone else does. If you're consistent, your kids understand your rules and don't make a fuss about things. If you go to the park after school and other kids get an ice cream, it doesn't mean you have to buy an ice cream for your own kid. Just do what is best for you and your family and don't give a second thought to what anyone else may think.

Unfortunately the way our society currently is, you have to be the 'awkward one' sometimes if you want your children to have a basically healthy life. Explain to your kids when you're by yourselves that you want to look after their teeth so you won't let them have sweets every day. You could also say that it's not polite to take things from other people if you have no intention of reciprocating. Then just politely decline each and every offer. You don't have to explain, you can just say 'we won't, but thank you for offering'. Your kids may protest at first, but they will very quickly get the hang of things if you repeat the explanation (in private) and are consistent.

Have the confidence to raise your children on your own terms. This will stand you in good stead when it comes to many, many other parenting decisions.

It’s not rude, if you want to decline you are free to do so. It’s also the other parents own choice to offer.

It all sounds very weird though, I can’t say I’ve ever seen anything like this so it really seems hard to believe that so many parents are constantly buying ice cream and sweets for a mass of children daily.

They're the pain by offering this. It's not rude to say no thank you.
However it might be easier to just let it go most of the time. Can you wait somewhere slightly different to avoid them?

I ageee. Other parents don't know dietary requirements/allergies/medical considerations. Far better to concentrate on your own child than hand out stuff to other kids which might lead to their parents having to say no

We got used to saying no thank you due to food allergies. Even if it was a safe food eg Haribo generally I’d just put them in my pocket for later.

This happens at my child’s school. He’s allergic to nuts so it’s a fucking nightmare.

Just say “we’re fine, thanks”. It’s not a big deal. My DDs got used to the fact that we were not having magnums after school every day whatever their friends and friends’ Mums did.
Children do learn quickly that every family has different eating/food patterns.

It’s not rude to say no thank you. Just explain to your child privately that you don’t allow sweets regularly. They’ll soon get used to hearing no. Although I do agree it’s odd for parents to do this on a regular basis.

I would hate this. I don't think you're being rude if you say no. I find it strange and rude to be handing sweets etc out. I wouldn't want to be involved.

I’m with you OP. My kids are older now but I used to feel a bit cheated when other parents gave out sweets like this, because I felt unable then to give them a treat myself - one dose of sugar a day was enough in my book. I think it’s best to explain to your child why you can’t accept every time, so you don’t have to have the conversation in the moment.

Yes this! It's like when they have back to back parties all weekend so you are the bad guy trying to get some nutrition into them between all the nuggets and birthday cake.

In all my years at the school gates I’ve never seen anyone repeatedly turning up with enough snacks for all the kids. Can’t believe it’s a thing, really.
Ice creams?

I don't think it's rude. People might react badly but that doesn't mean you have done anything wrong. Saying "not this time thank you but it's so kind of you to offer" or something isn't rude at all and I wouldn't take it badly if that was how another parent responded to an offer from me of sweets or cakes to their child.

Why are adults handing out sweets to children when it's child safety/stranger danger 101 to not accept sweets from anybody other than your own parents/family? Bonkers! Don't feel bad for refusing!

Say no thanks. Thankfully it doesn’t happen here.

Agree … this is ridiculous.

Bit difficult when your smalls are Vegan or have food allergies
l would sometimes say yes , depending on what it is, and offer vegan treats or crisps on my turn

We quite often have families turn up with boxes of ice lollies on a really hot day. They don’t melt if you don’t travel far and have a cool bag/ice block or what ever. There are always kids who aren’t allowed them and others who are really thankful for a cold treat on a hot day. I amazed at some of the reactions here… it’s an ice lolly no need to tell ofsted. It’s quite normal in our school that if you take a snack you take enough to share with your kids social groups and siblings.

Saying it’s rude to offer snacks or bonkers… where do you guys live? Round here we tend to share

I would probably let them accept but say oh lovely a wee treat for after dinner.