DS saw phone internet history

[Aarrggghhhh]

Stupid stupid stupid and now I don't know the right thing to say.

Last night DS(14) borrowed my phone to look something up online (his phone goes off between 8 and 8). Very occasionally I watch porn on my phone, but always use private browsing. Yesterday morning was one such occasion but clearly I hadn't remembered about private browsing as when he started typing the address into Google it came up with a porn site in the autofill thing.

DS basically laughed and said 'Mum! Have you been watching porn??' and in that flustered moment I told him to just get on with doing what he needed to do. It wasn't mentioned again. But now he is in school and I have some time I wonder whether I handled it right or need to bring it up again.

I have always warned him of dodgy stuff online and steered him away from it. I rarely use it myself and am not proud of my occasional lapses but I worry he will see me as a hypocrite or now think that it's fine. It's not fine.

I feel like he has caught me smoking or something. I don't smoke but I guess if he had caught me smoking I could say that sometimes I do but that doesn't stop it being bad or unhealthy? But then how would he view a parent doing a bad and unhealthy thing?

His Dad isn't in our lives, if anyone wonders. Just him and me.

Obviously you shouldn't mention it again. He'll probably have some doubts about what he's seen or not seen, probably best leave it as a doubt!

So you watched porn and had a wank?? Nothing wrong with that.
Obviously every woman on here think it’s sinful and if a man did it he is a full on sexual predator with an addiction….
crack on and keep having fun. Your kid will not be scarred for life with this revelation.
give yourself a break, you have done nothing wrong!

This exactly. As the mother of teen boys, I can’t imagine giving them the mixed messages you have here. If a woman was posting on mn about their male partner watching porn the man would be slated. But if it’s a woman watching suddenly it’s fine? Hypocrisy doesn’t really cover it.

It's the mixed message you've sent him that is the issue. I think having a talk with him will be good. At your age and life experience, I think you'll have a better grasp of what is realistic and what isn't. He won't. I think that is what I'd communicate, that all the things you've warned him about with it hold true. I'd own that it would seem hypocritical to him, acknowledge that it is, and advise him that it's still not good for someone who is just learning about sex and developing views on it. Reiterate the problems with it.

The more difficult part is that now he knows you view it, it might seem more permissible for him to do the same.

This, I’d be crapping myself!

He's your son, not your Mother- the sooner he realises you have a life too the better.

I caught my son on our home computer, i ignored it. Unless he brings it up just stay quiet, it might come up in 10 years and you can all laugh. Some things are best left alone. If he mentions it look bewildered. Your kids think you are an idiot anyway. Mine are all in their 30s, i see their pitying looks and their mumsplaining. It happens i think they are hilarious. Ps chin up

I would have lied and said a friend thinks she saw the husband of another friend in a porn film and had asked her to look and confirm!

Doing something you tell your underage and undeveloped children not to do it not hypocritical. There are lots of things we adults can do that children can’t do but we still make sure they don’t do it while we may or may not do it ourselves. That’s the difference between adults and children.

Again, warning them about something unhealthy or not good for them, while acknowledging you do it, isn’t terrible. My DM smokes. She hates that she ever started and warned us as children the dangers about it while understanding she did it herself. It never felt hypocritical for her to do this. Although watching or not watching porn is different as one is physically unhealthy and one isn’t.

I don’t personally have a major issue with porn. I don’t think it’s healthy for developing minds and young people still learning about sex and relationships should avoid watching it but a mature and healthy adult who occasionally watches it? Meh, you do you.

Never mention it again. He laughed it off with you, but I’m betting he’d rather die than tell his friends. 😂

But they're not wrong...

Well, you are being hypocritical.

I'm careful about things like notifications for Fetlife etc, but they logged into my YouTube (which they never do, as they have their own logins) and saw my subscription to a friend's shibari lesson channel. I suppose it could be worse, but I thought I'd got everything locked down 😂