Kids not wanting to meet with friends

[SaltCave]

Why don’t my sons want to meet up with friends outside of school? Both autistic. Ive suggested over summer they could meet up with friends but both have said absolutely no way. Has anyone experienced this? (They do have friends in school)

Need more information??????

How old are they?

Are you suggesting a meet up at your house or a neutral location?

Like?

just wondering if anyone has experienced this as I can’t be the only one.

Outside. Boys 12 and 14

Perhaps they just don't want to? If they are happy with how things are, why would you want to force them to socialise?

Yes. My daughter can manage about an hour with her friends out of school at a push. I let her do what she is comfortable with.

Not planning to force just 6 weeks is a long time!

Well when you say friends outside of school how do they know them and for how long ? What are you suggesting - park ?
are you suggesting a meet up, while they know they can easily play on an Xbox at home - which is much easier and does not require making arrangements or leaving the house?

I would a) focus on only arrangements for today / few days time -
b) make it clear playing computer games is limited to one hour a day for example (if that’s what they prefer doing to going out)

does this help ?

Meeting up with friends outside of school, whatever they want to do. They’ve known them for a year +

Just read:
if your talking about for the 6 weeks -
they won’t want to think about that until the time when it is the 6 weeks holidays !
so pay no attention to what they say now !!!

They have never met with friends outside of school ever thats why im asking them (not on weekends, not
on any holidays) but 6 weeks is a long one i don’t mind one week

My 14 year old DS is on the spectrum and is exactly the same. I’ve tried suggesting it many times but he just prefers doing his own thing (obsessed with Warhammer!) or playing with them online.

They will meet up with anyone in the 6 week holidays if there is no better options indoors (gaming usually the easy option with young lads)
not suggesting you do at all - just its epidemic the amount of parents that will allow hours of time spent on computers / phones -

Thanks im glad to hear from someone in this situation

I will keep asking and suggesting in the hope that one day he might as he really
does love his two main friends from primary. But as long as he’s happy that’s all that matters for now.

Nothing to do with gaming but thanks for being judgey 👍

Not at all. It’s a problem every parent faces - it’s a massive problem - addictive games, screens in sorts of forms - IPhones !!! It’s a nightmare. Keeping it all to a strict limit is a full time job for us all 😀

Can people only comment if they have a child in the same situation or have been through this thanks if you’ve not had this experience then please scroll on

I have 3 boys - so I have been there - 1 is 19, 16 and 15 -

My boys are happy to come out they love going out with me though, not friends, they don’t want to stay in the house all day they just don’t want to meet with friends, but I feel sad for them hanging out with their mum all summer and if they see any kids from their school they clearly feel embarrassed being with their mum (none of the friends are ever with their parent when we seen them) this is nothing to do with gaming it’s also hard to arrange activities for them all summer as most teens just hang out with their mates how

On the other hand part of their social interaction does occur on phones/gaming. So they are getting that need met there. Times have changed. It’s not all about being a bad parent because you let your kid be on their phone for too long. And we have had experience with phone addiction affecting exam results.
I have older teenagers. Eldest home from Uni hasn’t been to see any home friends. His social battery will be worn out from last term at Uni. He’ll go out with friends when his GF is back from Uni or when another friend invites him out. DD17 needs social interaction much more and is always planning the next time she’ll see her friends. But she still needs time to herself sometimes and was more like DS when she was younger. Everyone’s different.

We’ve all had a summer like that - it goes on and on - and you wonder where and what the other kids are doing while your on constant days out - it’s exhausting -
if your already trying to make plans no doubt u will end up getting dates sorted with them -
and then before you know if it’s another summer - they have different friends - and you never see them - they are out all the time !!! And u wonder where the time went

They do have phones and devices but my point is they are happy to come out we me and we go out every weekend and most of the holidays they never refuse or say they want to stay home but it would be nice for them if they had some mates to meet up with

Yes my ASD 15 yr old is exactly the same. He does however go to a D&D holiday club once a week during school holidays so that's something!

I think it's very standard for ND young people. They tend to find other people exhausting, and prefer doing things that "recharge their battery" during the holidays.

It definately would - bring back the 80s