Kids not wanting to meet with friends

[SaltCave]

Why don’t my sons want to meet up with friends outside of school? Both autistic. Ive suggested over summer they could meet up with friends but both have said absolutely no way. Has anyone experienced this? (They do have friends in school)

No they don’t have EP or SLT and neither would require it. I guess I feel sad for them im a child of the 90s i was never at home, I feel sad for the missing experiences and having freedom. And also selfishly yes it’s hard for me im a single parent and most parents probably do look forward to their kids becoming teens and gaining independence but they have to come everywhere with me (they don’t like staying home alone) ive also noticed my older son appears embarrassed when he sees friends and he is out with me like they might be making fun of him because of it.

I think it's about finding out more about autism and what they need. But solidarity, the stuff they need may well not be what you expected parenting would involve, which is a grief.

They tolerate the other children at school but don’t want to see them out of school, very normal ASD behaviour.

I’m not autistic and a child of the 70’s. My mother was always badgering me to ‘go out and play’ but I didn’t particularly want to. I loved to read (several books a week), do crafts or mime and dance to the vinyl records my parents had of musicals. I was really happy but made to feel I was doing something wrong by being happy in my own company.

All my Mum was doing was inflicting her own likes and wants on me. Why feel sad about it unless they’re actually sad about the situation?

It sounds as though you are sad because you feel that they are missing out on sonething which a lot of children enjoy but are forgetting that they are autistic and what NT children enjoy, is likely to be either of no interest to them or stressful to them.

If children want friends to socialise with in the holidays but don't have any, then that is worrying for parents. But that doesn't seem to be the case for your sons.

It might be that they compartmentalise so put school friends into a mental box called school and then have a different mental box called home. Seeing school friends outside school could feel strange and unnecessary.

I wouldn't worry about them wanting to be with you in the holidays but would work on them understanding that this can't mean constant days out or you dropping everything for them.

FWIW, I'm autistic, didn't have close friends at school (I found my tribe later) and was quite content to spend the summer holidays with my family or just on my own (mostly reading because I was a complete bookworm). I had no interest in seeing if anyone from school wanted to meet up with me and I have still turned out to be a well rounded adult.

I guess im just sad that life isnt what I expected, if something happened to me I hate the thought of them having no one, yes they have each other but they aren’t particularly close (not that they don’t get on they just have very different interests) they’ve never been invited to a single party, never had their own and sometimes yes I’ve found it sad

I can relate. I have a 13 year old who never wants to go out but equally he doesn’t want to do things with me either and I do worry, but he seems ok playing with his Lego which he loves. It’s hard seeing other kids out though when mine is just stuck inside.

Thank you, yeah thats it it’s just life being not how you expected. I also get sad when I see all the kids out having fun