How can I stop family comments about breaking my baby's bond?

[Familylife567]

I have two ds one is four and one is 6 months. With my first both sides of the family pushed for him on their own from 6 days old which caused a lot of stress and resulted in me having ppd depression as I felt I wasn’t given time to bond with my son on my own. Second time around and this time I chose to try breastfeeding as it’s more than likely the last baby, ds took to it really well and then refused a bottle so we’ve stuck to ebf until now. All I have heard from both sides of the family is that he’s too clingy to me, he won’t go to anyone else but to be fair no one has really made the effort to come see him it’s only when we take him to see them. We can only manage this once a week to each house as life is busy so as a result the majority of weeks they see him once so it’s not really surprising he hasn’t overly bonded with them. I’m going to start weaning him this week and all I have heard from both sides is they can’t wait till he’s on solids so the bond between me and him will break. He does heavily rely on me for comfort in all situations, if someone else is holding him he’ll look to me for reassurance or if he doesn’t want to be held by someone as soon as he hears my voice or sees me he will cry and this is usually after ten minutes or so with anyone else. This hasn’t caused an issue for me, dp is rarely home during the week so it would be all left to me anyway and I have genuinely enjoyed the baby stage so don’t really feel I’ve needed a break. The comments about breaking the bond are really getting to me and I don’t know if it’s because of my previous experience with them it’s just triggering something mentally. How can I shut this down from them because the more it comes up in conversation the less I feel like I want to be around them

You're the mother. You make the decisions. Embrace your maternal power and tell both families exactly that.

If you dont feel strong enough to tell them all to shut the f up, then you need to learn to become indifferent to it. Once you master that, they can say whatever they will and you will literally not hear them. It is marvellous!!

This is lovely to read.

My DD who has just turned 5 months has been sleeping for no longer than 45 mins in the day but I still don’t need or want a break, the only input I appreciate and accept comes from DH also parenting her.

I suggest you ignore their comments and don’t let them get to you, all they can do is talk!

A few months ago I heard MIL who lives a very long way away tell my DD “you’ll soon come to visit me” which could have wound me up as there’s no way I’m travelling that far with a baby and I’ve been clear about it, but I chose to ignore. Nothing’s changed and my DD hasn’t gone to visit anyone living on the other side of the country

Oh god thank you all so much for your replies. I was worried I was being a bit over the top and things were getting to me that shouldn’t have purely because of what’s gone on before and I knew on here no one would hold back 😂

Stop making the effort to go and see them, they're all fucking nuts! Babies are supposed to bond with their mothers, that's nature!

Ignore them and focus on your baby.

Your family sound incredibly selfish. I can't believe they would try to put their own relationships with your children ahead of yours! They'd hate me as i breastfed for almost 3 years, my son has never spent a night away from me and aside from my husband and nursery from 2 years old, he's only ever been watched a handful of times by his grandad.

I've had the odd comment about how I should have given him a bottle, stopped breastfeeding earlier or got a job so DS could become less attached to me. I just ignored it all. He's nearly 4 now and my bond with my son is still very strong so I have no regrets 😊

I hope you're partner is supportive and also that stopping breastfeeding isn't for anyone else's benefit.

I had my MIL from my son being 8 weeks old and EBF asking for alone time and asking when i was going to stop BF as she wanted to feed him a bottle.
It stressed me out so much at the time and honestly i resent her still for it.
How your son is with you is biologically normal. Try getting between a bear and her cub and see what happens 🤣
but seriously take a massive step back, these people are selfish and not worth your time or energy. Please dont wean sooner than you want to please people who quite frankly dont get a vote.

Got a similar situation myself with my 9mo (2nd and final baby) that I chose to bf. It bothers me for a second, but then when I think how ridiculous it is that they think 1) a baby that young can be “clingy” 2) that it has anything to do with bf as DC1 was bottle fed and had such terrible separation anxiety that she didn’t let anyone but me even hold her from 4 months old to 1 year old (despite my best efforts to get any break) that I realise how perfectly stupid they all are.
Also, this might be your last baby. Just remember that. You know how quickly it goes and you will never regret holding/nurturing your baby for every second you can. You will regret pandering to other people’s utter BS.
Tell them to f-off or just learn to let it wash over you. They aren’t worth the energy getting annoyed.

Sorry I think I worded that wrong in the original post, I have no intention of stopping breastfeeding. I plan to keep going as long as we can as I’ve actually loved doing it I just meant weaning onto solids. They think this will break the bond as I won’t be the only one able to feed him. I think the realising how quickly it goes is a massive part of my enjoyment this time 😂 everything i used to stress about with ds1 eventually came to an end and so did the baby stage. He’s now a 4 year old who thinks he’s 14 so I’m definitely trying to soak in every moment possible

Reassure them that you will stop breastfeeding your child before he leaves for university.

Exactly this, OP, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

@Redrosesposies totally nailed it 🙌
OP tell them to do one !

Stop being such a wet lettuce, OP. Tell them to cop on.

This OP be confident in your role as his mum ,he’s your son ..

Ah I'm so glad to hear you're planning on continuing breastfeeding! It'll help keep little one right with you where he belongs and if anyone questions how long you're breastfeeding you can simply shut the conversation down by saying that the WHO recommends breastfeeding until 2 years old! I highly doubt weaning onto solids will affect your bond as he'll still be needing plenty of milk anyway but maybe no need to mention that 😜

They all sound nuts to me.

I think you need to see them a lot less. Every week is too much for people who aren't supportive. They can also come to you - when invited - instead of you having to go to them. I think many grandparents would be incredibly grateful to see their grandchildren as often as they do.

I'd have a stock phrase to use e.g. "Babies are supposed to have a strong bond with their mother. I wouldn't want to anyone involved with my baby who wants to prevent that."

You have all the power in this situation. Be confident in the decisions you've made and hold your ground. Tell them to shove off!

Cut the visits down to once a fortnight for each family, then once a month. If they whinge tell them you will disengage entirely if they do not comply. Where is your partner in all this?

Your families want to break the bond between you and your baby? They enforced separation between you and your newborn dc1? That’s disgusting! Your 6mo’s clinginess is absolutely natural and age-appropriate. You sound like a mum with a good, healthy bond with her baby.

Like PPs have suggested, reduce your visits. Let them make the effort and get off their bums to come to you, if they’re so keen to bond with their grandchildren. If you can’t say a straight out “No” to their demands, ignore them. Gray rock. Do not make excuses or try to justify yourself.

Where’s your dp in all this? Why is s/he not stopping the families’ interference?

These people sound batshit. Tell them you won’t be leaving your baby with them until you feel ready (they leave uni)

Stand firm.

Once a week is a lot of visiting people who think that bond between a baby and mother is something to be broken. My 14mo is still breastfed and still sometimes cries when I walk in a room because he wants to held by me. That’s totally normal for a baby.

That is absolutely horrible of the families. My dd was nine years old before she spent the night anywhere. That’s when she felt ready.

I genuinely think I would move far away if people were saying things like they were looking forward to a baby eating solids because the bond would be broken. That’s an awful thing to even think never mind say out loud!

None of this is normal.

Are there cultural aspects going on here OP? Not that that excuses their behaviour but it might explain why you are feeling this pressure.

if so it’s 2026, you’re in the UK presumably?

Stop visiting each weekend.
stop listening to your families - listen to you/your baby and your body.

Im glad you are going to continue breastfeeding.

If it’s your in-laws ask your DH to have a word with them.

Well they obviously don’t have your baby’s best interests at heart if they are trying to stop him being with you and they don’t have your best interests either. With that in mind the question is what they are bringing to you life and why you are spending so much time with them? If you want to, fine. But if they are putting pressure on you then I would be looking at scaling back visits

I would fuck them off to the far side of fuck.

"Telling me you cant wait to break the bond between me and my baby is creepy and weird. Mention it one more time and you will not see us anymore."

Repeat as needed and enforce. They wouldnt be getting their disgusting mitts on my baby.