How can I stop family comments about breaking my baby's bond?

[Familylife567]

I have two ds one is four and one is 6 months. With my first both sides of the family pushed for him on their own from 6 days old which caused a lot of stress and resulted in me having ppd depression as I felt I wasn’t given time to bond with my son on my own. Second time around and this time I chose to try breastfeeding as it’s more than likely the last baby, ds took to it really well and then refused a bottle so we’ve stuck to ebf until now. All I have heard from both sides of the family is that he’s too clingy to me, he won’t go to anyone else but to be fair no one has really made the effort to come see him it’s only when we take him to see them. We can only manage this once a week to each house as life is busy so as a result the majority of weeks they see him once so it’s not really surprising he hasn’t overly bonded with them. I’m going to start weaning him this week and all I have heard from both sides is they can’t wait till he’s on solids so the bond between me and him will break. He does heavily rely on me for comfort in all situations, if someone else is holding him he’ll look to me for reassurance or if he doesn’t want to be held by someone as soon as he hears my voice or sees me he will cry and this is usually after ten minutes or so with anyone else. This hasn’t caused an issue for me, dp is rarely home during the week so it would be all left to me anyway and I have genuinely enjoyed the baby stage so don’t really feel I’ve needed a break. The comments about breaking the bond are really getting to me and I don’t know if it’s because of my previous experience with them it’s just triggering something mentally. How can I shut this down from them because the more it comes up in conversation the less I feel like I want to be around them

Reduce time spent with anyone who isn't respecting your opinions.

Ignore ignore ignore.

Tell them all to fuck off.

I mean babies are meant to be bonded to their primary care giver. It literally keeps them alive.

This! ❤️

Quite.

Both sides of your family wanted overnights with your newborn?
This is bizarre, unless it was some sort of intervention because you weren’t coping.

Your relationship with your baby sounds entirely normal and healthy.

Them wanting to break the bond sounds bloody weird.

And I’m sorry you got bullied into handing over your DC2 at 6 days old.

“I’m his mother. My heartbeat was the first sound he heard. He’s with me all day, every day. I’m not going to apologise for having a good bond with him and it’s weird that you are jealous of the bond between a mother and her baby and want to break it. How connected he is to me, does not stop him being connected to anyone else as he gets older.”

He was the only grandson on both sides, mil seemed to pass her kids off to relatives to be raised so it seemed like she thought she could play house with ds and then my family upped their requests to keep up with them. It was all just a lot as a ftm and took me a while to fully put a stop to it until I was comfortable and then of course I was the issue. There has definitely been resentment from both sides regarding the breastfeeding with snide comments on the way which I have ignored happily but this is just getting to me now. I feel this time I have a really really healthy relationship with ds, he’s so easy to comfort and generally has been a really easy baby so i have just been soaking in every minute knowing I probably won’t do it again to the point even night feeds have been enjoyable. I think if I was a family member id be happy knowing my grandson or nephew clearly had a good bond and was a happy baby rather than him needing to find comfort elsewhere constantly

They are ffing nuts! You’re the mother. Tell them to go jump.

I had this - I ignored it and managed to bf all three.

They got overnight once pfb had started school - they've bonded well enough with them to visit regularly now they are at uni.

You need comments that shut it down - breezey we're fine - oh I love time with them - hmm that will come with age or he fine or that normal age behavior along with some rose tinted glass comments.

They are supposed to bond to their pirmary care giver - I was given example were family step in and push mum out - when kids hit teens the pervious admiring comments stopped and reversed. I think comments like this aren't about what best for the child they are about impatient adults and what they want.

They sound horrible! Jealous, cruel and pathetic! I wouldn’t bother visiting if they’re going to carry on being like this. The bond you’re building is special and natural. Don’t let them break it x

Tell them to go and read up on attachment theory.

And then tell them to fuck off.

The bond between you and your baby is precious. Anyone who wants it to break is not worthy of your time or attention.

They sound incredibly ignorant.

Mumsnet at its finest. Perfect advice in six short words 👏🏻

Don’t go and see them so much. Once a week to both sets of parents? Far too much far too often. Sounds a bit too much really.
Take no notice of the what I consider to be peculiar comments. And actually very rude. Tactless and unkind. You don’t need it. I would tell them I don’t need to hear anymore of that sort of thing. They need to park it.

I felt I was pushed into PPD (not officially diagnosed) as my MIL wanted to control everything 😞 It was a really dark time so I sympathise with you. She even suggested I bring formula when we go visit her so the baby wouldn't be 'feeding all the time'.

I just really really feel for you. It's such a special time and it's horrible when other people try to intervene.

You hold all the cards here. Reduce your visits. See them once a month. If they are still being snarky to you reduce it further.

They are being absolutely vile - I would want to seriously reduce the amount of time I spend with them.

Your baby, your rules. Don't let them bully you OP. If they want to harp on about oh good, you'll break the bond, well, just let them waffle on. Anyway, you can't break the bond. You are his Mum. And definitely tell them to fuck off!

'that's a really weird thing to say. We're leaving now, I'll let you know when you can call by for a quick visit'

Then stop taking your kids to these people, if they want to visit, they can go to your house when invited.

Yup the baby is only 6 months old - these idiots have obviously forgotten it’s perfectly normal!

^ This in spades.
You didn’t have a baby just for others to play pass the parcel with. You are doing brilliantly looking after YOUR children! Don’t let other people (no matter who they are) talk bollocks at you.

You really should tell them its weird they want to break the bond between you and your baby when evidence clearly shows secure attachment is essential for a child's wellbeing.

Tell them its really creepy they want to do anything that could hurt your child.

Lay it on thick because fuck them.

Both sides of the family sound like arseholes. At 6 months, your baby thinks it's still part of your body. Of course it doesn't want to be separated from you; this is normal. I find it weird that anyone would expect a mother to leave her newborn alone with them. Tell them to fuck off and parent the way you wish.

I think you have stupid people on both sides of your family, sadly. I don't think you need to break the bond you have with your baby in order for them to form strong connections with other relatives. It's also very natural for a 6 month old to be 'clingy' with their primary caregiver. Don't let yourself be pushed into weaning or stopping bf faster than you want. It's lovely if your baby/toddler is also happy and comfortable with other family members, if they are nice and supportive people.

They’re all selfish and clearly don’t have you or your child’s interests at heart. Read about the early years development/ first 1000 days. The bond with baby and primary carer is crucial. Sadly, if people don’t understand this and only care about getting time with a baby that isn’t theirs,
you’re unlikely to ever make them think otherwise as they’ve formed their opinion already. You need to set boundaries and grey rock. Your child, your rules 💐