Holiday abroad....hell!! Is this normal?!

[Shleepymummy]

Just finishing up a week abroad with 5 and 3 year old. All inclusive, Menorca, standard stuff. My DC have behaved so poorly, like off the charts bad! Fighting with each other, no please or thank yous, messing about at meal times, back chat, hitting. We get this sometimes at home but it's not the norm- on this holiday it feels like every hour one of them is misbehaving.
It's got to the point where it's actually hard to set a boundary, stick to it etc. DH and I are exhausted and have lost control of the pair of the them at this point!
Worried how we are going to get things back on track once home.
is this normal for a holiday? We went away last year and it wasn't this bad at all, but the youngest had only just turned 2 last year and couldn't really speak, act up. Their ages now seem worse.
whats done is done this week, but I'd like to regain control at home rather than saying no to my 5 year old and being told I'm the worst mummy in the world....🫠

Sounds like your kids are just badly behaved op. I’ve been on holiday with my dc from 1 year old and never experienced this. How are they parented at home? Why are they allowed to behave so badly here? Do they not get removed if they are throwing a tantrum? Just like you would at home?

I 💯 agree with this.

if kids who are allowed to get away with bad behaviour at home, they will do this on holiday.

Honestly someone who can’t enjoy a holiday while their children are under 14 just doesn’t enjoy spending time with their children full stop!

I am not sure why holidays are seen as something that people have to do; and so often they are a disappointment. Everyone is stressed and tired from preparations and packing and journey and travel sickness and amusing children bored with the travelling and unpacking and finding your way round new accommodation and change of diet etc. etc.

I honestly think that with small children just planning days out is the best thing to do. If it is going pear-shaped you can just go home! Ignore the fact that those around you are telling you what wonderful holidays they have had - they are probably lying to justify the expenditure!

There is a lot of advertising hype around holidays with happy families romping on the beach but the reality is often very far from this.

Holidays are not a necessity. Plenty of time when the children are older and able to be more engaged in what is going on; and when they flee the nest and the world is your oyster.

The middle childhood years are the best for holidays - they usually have found some interests that can be a focus for a holiday. Little ones just react as yours have, and teenagers just want to stay in bed and pine for a gf/bf/best mate back home!

What we found very good indeed, but a bit pricey, was to all go to a summer school. The children were engaged either in general fun activities or, as they got a little bit older, specific courses - e.g riding, dancing etc. OH and I were also on our own courses and we all came together at teatime. One one occasion when one of ours was too young for the activities OH and I did half day courses and took it in turns to be with the little one, giving them some 1:1. We kept the cost down by booking as day attendees and camping somewhere nice nearby - we had a small towing caravan for a while and used that. I remember a lovely holiday at Marlborough Summer School - we camped in nearby Savernake Forest where there were lovely walks (and we nearly lost a child who wandered off!) - I did lacemaking and my OH did sailing on a nearby lake. All the while the children were having their own fun.

So .....
Little ones - just go for days out.
7 - 11/12 - summer schools
Teens - either leave them behind or let them bring a friend, but do not expect them to engage very much!

I’ve been holidaying with dc since 3 months old. We often go away as part of a large group with many children. There’s occasional meltdowns, usually due to tiredness or hunger but they’re short lived. Being on the beach, around pools and in restaurants I barely see kids kicking off. So your experience isn’t what I’ve seen.

Ahh holidays with small children.. so enjoyable and relaxing.. said noone ever.
We only went places with creches at that age. One UK trip we went home at 6am on day 1 due to it becoming clear it was not gojng to be fun in any sense of the word.
Holiday with a baby is ok, holiday with one kid is ok. Holiday with two kids who are both mobile is extremely hard work.
I know lots of people who could well afford nice holidays who simply did not go abroad with small kids.
You have to find a holiday with creche or childcsre options or its basically a relentless stressful rollercoaster of mainly ensuring none of them die by drowning

I think if they are not used to being away - staying at grandparents, uk breaks etc - then overseas holidays can be too much as a first trip away from home. They need to have ‘left home’ enough times to know that they will return and their house, toys, bed etc all still be there. At 2 a child has barely grasped physical object permanence, so the idea that they understand that a holiday is a treat, temporary, and fun, and not a case of taking them away from everything they know is naive. And most of us have been that naive.

So yes, at this age, it is often like this. We didn’t do any overseas trips until ours were 4 and 7, having had lots of camping/uk mini breaks and weeks to stay at grandmas. We foolishly did Disney at 5 and 8 - too early and a waste of time (lots of pouting and sulking); they enjoyed it much more at 10 and 13. Did mean no overseas holiday for me for years, which was really hard as I love travel and hot climates, but I’d also wanted to have kids.

I’d accept this one is a write off and do lots of little mini breaks for the next few years in the UK. Centreparks, haven holidays etc - places that if the kids become unbearable, you can pack up and leave easily. You and DH may need to butter the grandparents so that you can have a few weekend breaks or maybe do a few weekends on your own/with friends if you really need to recharge without them. The kids will grow up, go to school and get used to it, and those wonderful holidays are around the corner. My son still remembers a trip to Mexico when he was 7/8 - vividly remembers the mayan temples, the mangos on sticks and virgin margaritas by the pool, swimming in underground caves and swimming with dolphins. You’ll share those times too… just not quite yet.

I disagree. Kids act differently when away.

For example, my DS DOES NOT SLEEP in a new place. Because we live abroad, we have travelled and stayed in villas/hotels since he was 4 months old. You'd think he'd be used to it now, he's almost 3.

Every single "holiday" or weekend away, no matter what we do, he wakes every 2 hours. He doesn't sleep on planes, fights naps in the pram etc. We are thoroughly sleep deprived every time we go anywhere.

We still go away, villa type places so we can relax and family can come to us, but it's a lot to expect small kids to just adjust and behave just like at home.

So i can well believe that a 3 and 5 year old will get overexcited and act up on a holiday. Too much sun and food, out of routine etc. And the fact that there are 2 kids instead of 1 means they will wind each other up.

I didn’t bother with abroad until mine were 6 and 8. At that age they are hot , tired, in a strange place, out of routine. It’s a recipe for disaster.

Ignore the fact that those around you are telling you what wonderful holidays they have had - they are probably lying to justify the expenditure!

Absolutely not, long holidays abroad are great memories for me and my children. No lying needed!

A few days to settle, making changes to bedtime, routine of a siesta, planning visits, consistency in expectation and engaging with them in their wants, needs and play. New experiences, food, people, language. They learnt to swim abroad with daily play and practice.

Fantastic times. So sad, that so many think differently or have had poor experiences.

AI with young children has been perfect for us. They play in the pools, have access to kids clubs and activities they enjoy.
pack a pool bag with toys, spend the morning swimming and playing with pool toys, lunch, nap or an activity, go to the beach, have a shower and chill before dinner, mini disco then bed for them, chill on the balcony for us.

I don’t understand why that is more difficult that a self catering holiday or a city break

All kids are different, it sounds like yours are having a hard time with the changes in routine and surroundings. That’s totally normal, lots of kids don’t enjoy change, it doesn’t mean they’ll be like this forever, when they’re older they’ll find it easier and be able to communicate better. I’d stick to UK holidays for a couple of years, they’re just easier.

Holidays when kids are under ~6yrs old are, IMO, always difficult. Less 'holiday' more 'same shit, different place + hot and moody with none of normal toys/distractions'. Not fun.

ETA - we now always go private villa type holidays. Our kids seemingly got bored/annoyed at AI/hotel holidays and they quite like 'home from home' and I enjoy a private pool!

Completely normal. Holidays for us are only vaguely normal now that the kids are above ten.

I took mine abroad when they were the same ages...jesus christ...what a nightmare...the first two pics I took were my son crying where my daughter had hit him and the second was the same thing but the other way round....wait till theyve moved out and then go on holiday and have a lovely time 🤣🤣🤣

We've done a lot of travelling with DC since they were tiny and never had any major upsets - Other than our holiday to Menorca!

DC turned into some sort of demonic creature that only got worse when surrounded by other children. I cried so much on that holiday and was so glad when it was over. He returned to his usual self the minute we got home.

Maybe it's just something in the air in Menorca.

We found that we needed a routine for our holiday which totally works for us and the kids know in advance it will be the same.

We do half board so we go down to breakfast fully dressed for the day with all bags packed. My kids love buffet breakfast so we don’t rush this.

Then we get in the hire car (great for giving the kids a min in the aircon) head out to beach, local town, aquarium, gallery, foodmarket as part of this we have a nice chat and explore.

Buy some tat toy or bouncy ball from a vending machine.

At lunch we will have researched a really nice lunch place as we are quite foodie and so are the kids. Really posh places can be cheaper at lunch and more accepting of kids. They behave as they are playing with said tat toy.

Head back to hotel. Kids straight in pool. 2 hours in pool.

back to room, showers for all, on bed or balcony reading and eating nibbles.

Dressed for dinner and quick dinner turnaround while watching a bit of the show ( not for us this but can be background)

Some nights may just chill in room when back from pool

You just need a routine that you are willing to flex.

We probably have 2 days bolted on like a waterpark or excursion

We go abroad twice a year with our 5 children eldest is just turned 12 and youngest is 9 months and they are so well behaved no matter where we go.
Do you travel regularly with your children?
I think the more your out and about with them the better they behave. Our children are home educated so everywhere I go they go,we also regularly travel up and down the country.
We also dont change our expectations of there behaviour just because we are somewhere else and not home,manners cost nothing and are to be used at all times no matter what there age!
We also parent together on the same page,if one needs a nap while the others are in the pool,ine of us go up to the apartment with the tired child while the others continue having fun.

Agree.

It's all just a lot, isn't it?

Toddlers don't have the ability to emotionally self-regulate.

Villas are a good alternative. We used them until the youngest was about 7. It didn’t matter then if they had a 7pm bedtime as we could sit out and chat in the evening

We’re in Menorca now with a just turned 3 year old and having a wonderful time. My kid is highly sensitive and nervous/shy but has had a whale of a time. Short flight, short transfer, super family friendly hotel, half board, amazing beach (scared of the sea though) great pools and kids activities. She’s too nervous for kids club and most things going on but happy with the simple things like a ride on at the playground, a plastic Wendy house and the kids pool etc . We have insisted on a nap here and have not tried to do make any days out/forced fun/plans to put us under pressure to be anywhere. We also do 1-2 hours max in pool/beach then go back to apartment to decompress. We would always choose to enjoy some local culture and hire a car, eat at decent places but have done none of that this time to take all the pressure away and keep it simple.

we also did a Eurocamp/ ferry holiday last year when she was 2 and had a great time. Different style of holiday with less requirement to sit and eat in public when she was so little however self catering in a caravan is less of a holiday to me personally, but it was the path of least resistance at an age where negotiating doesn’t work and tantrums were happening.

we have done uk caravan and center parcs mostly with success too. Weather and toddler sabotage ruining a few bits here and there.

we did a holiday when she was 4 months old and it was the worst week of my life. Genuinely. Biggest mistake ever taking such a small baby abroad. There was no aspect of it that was a holiday. I think my baby was particularly challenging though in key aspects which really exacerbated just how tragic it was. I would never recommend doing it but see people here with babies seemingly having a better time than we did.

I started a thread about this a couple of months ago, we were abroad and it was like slow torture. Like an episode of SAS Who Dares Wins when they play screaming kids and sleep deprivation at them.
Our DS is 2.5 and took up assaulting us and destroying the room at 4am. It was his first time out his cot. Safe to say, he’s never slept out of it since. He’ll still be in there at 18 at this rate.
The heat, the out of routine, the novelty of it all drives the crazy up to 1000. They do come down when you get home. It’s not half as bad now, they’re still wild but I’m not being beaten up by a mini terrorist anymore at least.

No need.

We always holidayed abroad with two young DC.
Took new toys, books & puzzles.
Accept your old singles holidays are finished for many years.
Dont worry about routine. Enjoy later nights & mornings.
When you return home they soon adapt to normal, boring routines.
Each age presents different issues.
Teenagers want a bit of freedom.
The key is to chill out & understand it’s the children’s holiday too.

Don’t go to Disneyworld, the ‘Happiest Place on Earth’ was full of the unhappiest children I ever saw.