Holiday abroad....hell!! Is this normal?!

[Shleepymummy]

Just finishing up a week abroad with 5 and 3 year old. All inclusive, Menorca, standard stuff. My DC have behaved so poorly, like off the charts bad! Fighting with each other, no please or thank yous, messing about at meal times, back chat, hitting. We get this sometimes at home but it's not the norm- on this holiday it feels like every hour one of them is misbehaving.
It's got to the point where it's actually hard to set a boundary, stick to it etc. DH and I are exhausted and have lost control of the pair of the them at this point!
Worried how we are going to get things back on track once home.
is this normal for a holiday? We went away last year and it wasn't this bad at all, but the youngest had only just turned 2 last year and couldn't really speak, act up. Their ages now seem worse.
whats done is done this week, but I'd like to regain control at home rather than saying no to my 5 year old and being told I'm the worst mummy in the world....🫠

Tgis sounds like us last year. I’d much prefer a caravan in the UK now I find it much less stressful. I figure it won’t be forever but I feel very empowered to know I can drive home if I want to!!

I think AI works better with older children. Lots of young children get bored with sitting around in restaurants even on an occasional basis, let alone every day.

My DC could only cope with a holiday somewhat more like home when they were young. So only self-catering, in a house with outside space. We drove to Northern Europe so took lots of toys etc. Then they had plenty of space and some of their own things to play with mixed with the novelty of beach days and new places to visit. We enjoyed it but it isn't the sort of holiday for everyone, so maybe better to do short trips closer to home or something like a holiday park until they are a bit older.

We've had the odd day when I've gone "I'm booking a flight home" but in general ours have always been ok. We went to Spain in May, we went out for dinner, they were doing puzzles/colouring in and DH and I actually got to speak to each other for the whole meal. Apart from taking DD to the toilet, I forgot they were there!

I find keeping some semblance of routine, not too many treats and always having something in my bag to entertain them is the key to success. I find wine is helpful for me.

Probably all the noise too. My experience of all inclusive is A LOT of people, a lot of noise, just stimulation everywhere. I'm not sure all inclusive is great with kids his age, I choose self catering villa for this reason (and allergies).

I suppose a lot of it depends on what you are used to and how adaptable you are, specifically as a parent, rather than as an individual.

If at home you are used to having 2/3 hours with your children before bed+ weekends, then you suddenly have to adapt to full days, it’s not going to be easy. Also young siblings who aren’t used to spending that much time together will have to adapt to the change too.
All of this is true on a UK break holiday obviously, but possibly, the travel, the food and the heat on top of everything else means that for a lot of people it’s much more enjoyable to stay closer to home while kids are little.

I’m taking my 3 year old and 11 year old away next month abroad. The 11 year old is a moody, hormonal back chatting sod at the moment and cries if the 3 year old touches her. The 3 year old little sod is the devil incarnate and touches her on purpose 😂I can’t wait to go though! It’ll be difficult but they’ll have a great time with beach and pool so we’ll just wing it. We do UK caravan holidays too and we manage ok but we can trap them in a caravan at that point. We don’t do normal bedtimes on holiday. No point as we go to the entertainment. Let them sleep when they need it.

Also to add dd11 struggles with sensitivity to clothing and textures so we’re bringing in the suitcase her blanket and pillow from her own bed. Last year she really struggled in the hotel beds so this time we’re taking her own bedding so she feels comfortable at night. I’ve got vacuum bags for them to go in. Just trying to give her own comfort like being at home. Dd3 will manage as she can sleep anywhere.

I do this for one of mine and it made a huge difference.

If last year was fine then maybe it's a one off? We've done loads of AIs but there was one year where I think our then 4 yo was getting a little bored (and started to play up) as it was just pool/beach all day all week.

Our AI now generally follows a routine which I find works best for our dcs.

Breakfast
Go to kids club for 1.5 hour
Pool
Lunch
Playground
Pool or beach (hopefully another playground)
Dinner
Kids disco/play a board game

Around mid week we'll go out for the day or afternoon, have lunch somewhere quieter and do something (we all like crazy golf and boat rides) - the change of scenery is good.

I don't stay anywhere fancy, mostly brits abroad tui places. I try to find places with a decent snack bar for lunch so we don't need to be in the same restuarant x 3 a day, near a beach, near a playground and near a decent size resort.

Otherwise my favourite holiday with the dcs was a Haven resort in Norfolk. We were off exploring everyday.

This is why we never went abroad when DDs were young. You’ll have a much calmer holiday, packing the car up and driving for a few hours to a cottage/flat so it’s a home from home.
Take lots of their things from home so if it rains all week they can play with their toys. Have days out that you’d usually do at home such as zoos, parks etc. sitting by a pool/beach all day is not a 2 year olds idea of fun.
Put them to bed at round about normal time so their routine hasn’t changed and sit with dh with a bottle of wine/ whatever takes your fancy.

Off the charts bad… no please or thank yous
That’s off the charts bad? Do you think maybe you might have been expecting too much of very young children? Did they have the same amount of sleep / the same bedtime as when at home? The same routine? No they didn't, so you need to expect them to struggle with it.

you need to be far more adaptive on holiday as the children’s lives are suddenly completely different. You need to manage them in a completely different way.

14!
unless there’s a huge drip feed there is a big gap between “young children” who get a bit confused on holiday at age 3-6 and a GCSE student.

In my experience anything from age 8 is a great experience for them and you - so much wonder at showing them the world and sharing experiences together

100% Eurocamp instead. This year will be our third with a 3 year old, way easier to replicate home in somewhere like that! Done two all inclusives and they were hell compared!

We stuck to caravan or camping holidays using Eurocamp where the tents were set up ready when my three children were young, the eldest was 4 when the youngest was born so rather close together. I found self catering in French campsites easier than all inclusive as if one child was tired and grouchy I could put them to bed early! We tended to barbecue or just have fresh bread, cheese, ham etc which the children enjoyed and we did not expect them to sit at the table for very long as long as they played near our pitch.

When on the beach we did divide and conquer, one of us focused on the older one taking him for a walk looking for crabs or out on a pedal boat while the other stayed with the younger two. It worked for us and the children were so tired from a busy day on the beach that they went to bed early and left us sitting outside enjoying a few glasses of wine!

Mine were amazing at an all inclusive- much better behaved than home. They just love spending time in the pool and the discos at night etc. we made sure to have chill time in an air conditioned room at some point during the day too and didn’t stray too far from the hotel to keep it simple and relaxed. To be fair we didn’t say no to much (provided it was included!) ..living on burgers and chicken nuggets for a few days won’t kill them. We let them stay up and sleep in. I did restrict sugar a bit (one ice cream per day which they were more than happy with) because who wants hyped up on sugar kids?!

Im not saying this to make you feel bad.. but perhaps unpick what they are not enjoying? Do they not like the pool or entertainment? Are the boundaries you are putting in really necessary on holiday?!

Sorry I don’t think it is normal either. Some sparring and being overexcited but backchat ? And no please or thank-yous. The last two should be just automatic wherever they are.
Sometimes small things picked up on can stop the bigger things from happening. If you don’t pick up on the no please and thank-yous, then it graduates to something bigger. Every time, a please, a thank you.

We’ve done holidays abroad with our 2 who are now 6 and 4 and never had any especially bad behaviour.

we try to stick to some kind of similar routine to home, don’t just allow snacking all day, sometimes we split up and 1 of us takes the oldest and the other takes the youngest to do something (go to the beach/pool, go for a walk, etc), we remind them of their manners every meal time if they forget to say thank you.
any misbehaving and it’s straight back to the room.

I set out these boundaries as soon as we arrive at the hotel and it seems to help, for the most part.

I even did it last year when we went away with BIL, his Gf and his 3 kids (12, 8, 8) and told them any fighting means back to the room for an hour with no tech - one of the 8 year olds laughed and the 12 year old said “Auntie Squiz means it, you know”

This was not my experience with small children and foreign holidays either. We never did AI though, we found self-catering allowed for more down time. Mine would have struggled to behave at every mealtime in a restaurant-type environment at that age.

This is why I always used to book hotels with a kids club so we could get a break from the little monsters for a few hours each day.

Like everything though, it passes.

My kids are adults now and turned out nice adults despite I despaired of their behaviour at times when little.

Your children are out of their normal routines but will probably just spring back to their usual routines/behaviour once back home.

The age yours are at just presented another set of things to worry about IME ... mine spent that holiday trying their best to get laid and/or pissed and would then spend half the next day in bed.

My children were ok aged 2/4 when we went to Majorca. We took two single buggy’s for them which made a huge difference with overtired,hot little people.
They could recharge /siesta whilst we were out and about, evenings were less restrictive and we could eat out etc
We took in turns entertaining,I took lots of small indoor activities ie colouring,crafts,Polly pockets,books,jigsaws etc.
It will get easier OP .I personally found holidays in the sun more enjoyable than holidays in UK .Less stressful than dealing with unpredictable weather.
Edit to say we always did self catering,more space and freedom!

All inclusive resort holidays are boring and hard work at that age. Great at 10+ when they are happy to lie around the pool and can swim while you read and will do a morning at the spa with you. But when little, it’s very intense and they require a lot of supervision and organisation.

I found city breaks worked much better. You have your own flat, coffee and breakfast without having to shuttle everyone through the buffet. Then you go out and explore for a bit, eating fruit at the market, playground, beach, easy picnic lunch or you eat before everyone has a little rest from the heat in the a/c in the afternoon. Then out you go again for more exploring or beach time late afternoon. Evening meal out or come back and self cater or picnic on the beach.

If there’s two of you, you split up sometimes so each child gets one to one time or to do an age appropriate activity. It’s so much more relaxed that way.

I don’t think AI holidays abroad where it is too hot are suitable holidays for young children. When booking a holiday think about the children’s needs.

I don’t agree with the suggestions that you shouldn’t try a holiday until they are older. I don’t think you should let your child’s behaviour run your life.

We have been taking DC abroad since they were 6 months old and they know how to behave. Are you still issuing consequences for bad behaviour on holiday or are you being more lax? I would rather have to go back to the room as punishment because they are behaving awfully than not wanting to lose any holiday time and then writing all holidays off for years after we return.

My child is generally well behaved when we go abroad and behaves the same way they do back at home. There’s been a few instances of over stimulation etc but they have learned that they can’t just behave how they want because they’re on holiday. They don’t just automatically get unlimited treats because we’re on holiday. If they are behaving badly they aren’t allowed them. I think some people just let their kids because they’ve spent all the money on the holiday and they think being strict will ruin it.

We generally go away twice a year and DC are always pleasant to be around.

I made a decision that there would be no abroad holidays until the kids were primary school aged at least, because they wouldn't remember them, wouldn't appreciate them, and would be very very hard work. Before then we did UK holiday parks, UK camping (although I recognise that could be seen as equally as awful!) and UK cottages, and for two years when they were baby and three, and one and four, we just stayed in a relative's house while they were away, just for a change of scenery.