Did you leave or scale back a demanding career after children?

[Cheeseonacrumpet]

Did any of you Mumsnetters have a “Big Job” prior to having children, then either quit or scale back or change direction entirely after becoming a parent?

I have a career I’ve worked hard for. It’s not flexible and doesn’t combine well with young children. I currently resent it and am growing to hate it. I want to reduce my hours as much as possible just to keep my hand in whilst the children are young, but I don’t want to look back and regret this. I don’t want to regret not doing it either. Husband is supportive of whatever I decide to do - is also wary that I may regret either decision, I think.

Looking to hear the wisdom of parents of older children please.

I went entry level into another role and worked my way back up. HR in my case, good hours, not too stressful and you can leave it at work etc.

I miss my old career but not that much really. The pay scaled up fairly quickly but I could have been earning more if I had started out in HR earlier in my career.

Not straight away, I actually took a promotion when DC was 2 and a half which was an even ‘bigger’ job.
Took a sidestep into the same role in a much smaller organisation when DC was 6/7, so overall less stress and crucially, fewer hours (both contracted and actual!). Also a small pay cut.
4 years on I’m so glad I did, the extra time and flexibility more than make up for the loss of earnings, especially as DC moves up to senior school and needs more of my time and attention to navigate this transition to the next phase of life.

My DS is now 18. I have worked part-time in a career where this is fairly unusual since he was born. I have no regrets. Yes it has impacted my financial position, esp as I am a single parent, but it is priceless to me to have been able to pick him up from school, be around as needed during some tricky teen years etc. It has also given me the space to develop interests outside of work, which has now led to a total career change.

I left my big job to be a SAHM and went back to work when my youngest DC started school. I was lucky to find an interesting professional role (although earning a lot less than I had been) even after 9 years out of the workplace.

I enjoyed being a SAHM, but looking back I do think I took a risk. It's not easy to find a good job to return to.

Yes. I didn’t have a big job but I had an incredibly demanding job. I did additional education and changed direction. It was the best decision ever. Very family friendly and over time very well paid.

Returned to same job but part-time while child was in nursery, then made a big change to a term time only, very low pay role once they started school. The lack of responsibility gives me much more head space for family life and the term time hours are a godsend for covering the school holiday childcare. Salary drop was of course the huge drawback!

Managed 6 months back at work in my Director level job, before quitting to go self employed as a consultant.

Yes, I did. But I was 37 and had got as senior as I could have without moving cities, which I was not prepared to do.

I got a PhD after having my first and a Big Job with a 3 hour commute after that. I managed to build my career just fine when my dc were young. It’s actually much easier when they are little and don’t need shuttling around after school to a million things. Dh also started a business when eldest was 2 months old that’s grown exponentially since then. His salary is now many multiples of what it was pre-kids.

So we both had Big Jobs - the key was, we also both had a lot of flexibility built in with Dh being self employed and me being in quite a flexible industry. We also both totally supported each other. We have no family support, so it’s always been just us. The days I was out of the house 6am-8pm Dh was doing everything. And then vice versa on his days. Weekends were family time. Neither of us is out partying with friends or anything like that.

I’ve had to leave my job now due to cancer, not kids. I would say though that time to stay in work and build your career is when they’re little. They need you a lot more at 13 than 3. Put the time in early on so you have banked that seniority for when you may need to take a step back. Same with your partner. You both need to be there and you both will need flexibility to support each other.

But don’t be doing something you hate. I loved my career and I didn’t mind working til 8pm a few nights a week because it bought me time at home other days. It was enjoyable work and I loved my colleagues. You have to have a passion for what you do too and if you’re hating it, that is a different issue.

Big 4 ‘partner track’: DS1 I was promoted whilst on mat leave, three years where I was treated well but there was no balance (60 hour working weeks being common) so when DS2 was born I went in house. The company matched my salary and I’ve flown since but it’s never going to match what I could have earned as a Big 4 partner.

I would make the same choice every time. I was lucky that the company I joined value me, have promoted me and I am extremely well paid given the work life balance I have.

I am considering looking for the next role up as DSs head to secondary school. If I never get it I shan’t feel cheated at all. Just very lucky to have had the career I’ve had so far.

This all worked because DH is my greatest career cheerleader and we have excellent childcare in place.

No, I moved upwards.

After having DS I realised I really loved my career and needed something to help me feel like myself again and put lots of energy in to my career and promotions.

10 years on and I'm now easing off, and spending more time with the kids.

I did 9 months at my Big Job after maternity leave before I did a sideways move into a third sector organisation into an aligned policy role. I took a bit of a pay cut and was also part time while DS was at nursery but it had other benefits which have meant that I now have a Bigger Job now DS is at school. The move clearly limited my earning potential but it turned out to be a good strategic move.

I needed reduced hours knowing full well that the role I was returning to wansnt going to be an option so now I work within the team I had previously led.
I'm only very early days but absolutely no regrets so far. I know I can flex my skills and I know what routes there may be for me to progress should I chose to but the burden being removed during this season of life is incredible.

This might depend on your definition of "a big job" but I went back FT after dc1, and dropped down to 3 days after dc2.
Kept my career going but also had time with the dc too.
Mine are adults now and it was completely the right choice for us.

I was a City lawyer (very long hours) and quit when the DC were young after a few years of trying to do it all and failing, with very limited support from DH (who worked even longer hours).

It was pre Covid and part time/flexible working was in its infancy. WFH wasn’t really possible. These things have changed and would have been very helpful to me. I did go part time in theory after DC but it didn’t help that much hours wise.

With hindsight I wish I hadn’t tried going part
time in a big job, I’m not sure it ever works. I wish I’d moved sideways into a different more sustainable role instead.

Good luck whatever you decide.

Yes I did. Initially side stepped into a role that guaranteed office hours working only and only three days but with the same responsibility and rate of pay. When my son was 2.5 I changed sector to a much less demanding one, three rings down but doing 4 days. Should've done it years ago, never mind just after returning from mat leave. I have my soul back. And family life is a joy now I have the headspace to experience it. I went to work on Monday morning and realised I had no clue what was on my to do list because it's so straightforward I just do everything without actually thinking about it. Previously I was awake to 3am and feeling sick each Sunday night obsessively thinking about how I'd deal with tomorrow's to do list. My health is the best it has been in years .

Do it. You will never get this time of your life back again so do what you can to enjoy it as fully as possible.

You probably need to clarify what a big job is to you.

I don’t know any woman who has left a job I’d describe that way - difficult job, lucrative, high status, takes decades to achieve, contributes massively to society. Most of them have children but none have left.

I think this is a no brainer. You can always get back into a career and go back to working more. What you can't do is get back years of missing your kids grow up.
Do what will make you happy right now.

Yes. I had an international job, travelling most weeks. Salary was at least three times national average. I loved it, but it was never going to fit with nursery or school run, and ex refused to do childcare duties, so I took a UK job on about half my previous salary but local regular 9-5 hours.

I'm close to retiring now, ds is off to uni, and I am so glad I had good pension contributions early in my career. They've compounded up and mean I can retire when my current job ends, on a liveable income. Having my child late has worked for me.

I had a big corporate job, but once I had children it was clear that I was being sidelined to the mummy track. Admittedly this was 30+ years ago, so one would hope opportunities are more favourable now.

I chose to start my own consultancy and managed to earn reasonably big bucks. Not as much as if I’d continued climbing the corporate ladder but enough.

Still, I sometimes wonder whether I should have persevered. But it’s never an easy decision.

My husband offered to be a stay at home Dad so I could continue in the career I loved. As DDs got older he worked from home.
i missed out on some sports days and carol services etc, but don’t feel I missed everything and DDs grew up seeing me in a rewarding well paid job.

Well, that’s an interesting definition of a big job! I was a very senior civil servant-does that count? Not sure about the “massive contribution to society” bit…..🤣

I cut back a bit but I didn’t quit. When youngest DC got to year 5 I started building back up

Kind of, we both stayed in the same career but we both went part time, we were both promoted while part time, so the impact on progression was minimal. For us promotion also meant more flexibility. We are still in the same industry, but due to moving we had to go back down a role which was fine.

I agree with this. Life is much easier with small children who are in nursery, which is designed as childcare.

When school starts, that’s when the real juggle begins. I am currently trying to earn and save as much as I can before DC goes to school, at which point I plan to step back and be around as much as possible for the school years. I want to be the one at the school gates, I don’t want to miss assemblies, I want to be the one doing homework with them and listening to their stories about their day at school.