DS(5) being a nightmare at school and at home and I’m struggling with how to manage him

[followtheswallow]

I was thinking about NCing as I really am upset about this and I know that some replies can sometimes be less than helpful, but I really do need advice.

DS started reception this September. Tiny school, mixed reception and year one class. He seemed to settle really well initially but I was made aware of a couple of things that were quite minor - having to be separated from another boy in class because of talking and at the church service. This came from ds himself rather than the teacher so I didn’t think too much of it.

Now we’re nearly at the end of reception and it feels like it’s just been a really poor start. He seems to be getting time outs almost daily but they aren’t reported to me. One of the problems is that his class teacher is also the deputy head and is often away on meetings and courses so I’m not sure there’s much continuity. He had a bad week last week and his teacher spoke to me at the end of the day - perhaps because feelings were high it wasn’t a hugely productive conversation.

At home, he’s become very angry. He is using very aggressive language we certainly don’t use at home - ‘don’t you DARE’ (said very aggressively) ‘shut up’ ‘you stupid mummy.’ I have tried to make it clear it won’t be tolerated and he gets an immediate time out but some evenings it happens so frequently I feel like he’s in and out of his room so I’m not sure how effective it is

Other factors are that he has a lot of problems with his ears - he is under the ENT for this and will be having grommets put in soon. He has been complaining recently about ear pain. DH has also had health issues so I wonder if that’s affected him.

All in all though, he is a troubled little boy at the moment and it’s really upsetting and distressing that he has apparently become That Child and I’m obviously enormously stressed that it’s going to hugely impact friendships and how he perceives himself.

Any advice appreciated!

As well as other advice above. Have a proper conversation with his teacher too. Make an appointment rather than a five minute chat at drop off / pick up. Get more information from them, tell them about the hearing problems and discuss what you’re all going to do.

I don’t want to be rude but this must be the third or fourth time I have said that he is copying school friends. It’s a bit exasperating when you have to keep returning to the same point over and over.

I have to admit I’m a bit reluctant to contact the teacher again but I will see how things go. He seems to have had a positive couple of days anyway.

The progress checker is from a really well respected SaLT charity but you’re right in that sometimes it can be overly cautious. Maybe try him with books without pictures or an audio book and see if he understands what’s happening?

Well, he follows audio books no problem, which I didn’t think of. Maybe I need the progress checker He is slightly behind where they’d like him to be phonics wise but it is only slightly and I think some of it is attitudinal rather than lack of ability.

Maybe you do!

So it looks as though he’s passed the progress checker from Speech & Language UK which given his hearing problems is really very good.

I think of it were me, I’d not mention behaviour at School and instead concentrate on things that will help to regulate him like sport, exercise and the things I mentioned earlier like meditation, high protein snacks and meals and even blowing bubbles.

Getting him outside either in the garden, park or on the woods should help too.

If you manage to get him nice and relaxed away from school and learn some ways of self regulation, then he’ll have a better chance in school of making the right choices