Newborn reflux means baby only sleeps upright and we feel dangerously tired. Please help.

[Buzzbuzz34]

Newborn sleep is unsustainable. Please help.

I’ve just had my second baby. First baby was colicky and didn’t sleep so this isn’t my first rodeo but there are a few differences this time that feel unsustainable.

Baby is only 5 days old but is already really struggling with reflux. As soon as baby is put on their back, they wake up gagging and choking on vomit (even after holding upright for 30 mins after feeds, winding etc). Not much vomit comes out - baby gurgles, coughs and splutters, swallows loads and seems generally uncomfortable. Baby is also already struggling with bowel discomfort. This means baby will only sleep upright on myself or DH.

I managed to cosleep with my first DC (whilst DH got fairly decent sleep in spare room although he did still come and help loads) but that’s not worked with this baby as cosleeping still involves lying down. So instead we’ve tried taking shifts whilst the other one stays up holding baby but baby doesn’t always abide due to cluster feeding. The other night we tried me sleeping from 9pm-1am but in reality I slept 9-10pm and then baby cluster fed until 1.30am. So then both myself and DH had to share the second shift for sleeping, meaning only a couple of hours each. DH didn’t sleep during the cluster feeding as we had no idea how long it was going to last. We kept thinking “baby will be done in a minute”. Similar thing has happened every night since. We’re both surviving on 2-4hours of broken sleep per night. I handle sleep deprivation better than DH so he is completely on his knees. I’m also struggling and we’re both starting to feel dangerously tired. DH doesn’t feel safe to drive.

I know this is just a phase but I’m not sure how we’re going to get through it. We also have another kid to look after now. Whilst baby can’t be laid down and shifts don’t seem to be working, any ideas?

This sounds bloody exhausting!! Have you been given anything for reflux? You've probably tried Infacol but I'd give that go if not. Have you had the baby's latch checked?

Our DD has reflux. She was on medication and anti reflux formula.
She slept upright in a rocker.
Took a week in hospital to sort meds,then a week to settle at home. She' s 12 and 5 7 now.

@MimiThePink Midwives have checked latch and said that it looks good. Few minor tweaks to improve it but not much. Something isn’t right though as even though it looks ok on the surface I’ve been getting lipstick nipples and the pain is toe curling. The latch felt fine until the cluster feeding and digestive discomfort started as it means baby is constantly relatching. When there’s no discomfort, baby can feed beautifully but when uncomfortable feeds are really fussy.

Haven’t tried anything for reflux as baby is only 5 days old. Midwife suggested baby might have a lot of mucus from birth causing some of the reflux as some of the vomit has been mucusy and stringy. So I’ve been hoping she’s right and that it’ll improve a little once baby has cleared the mucus.

Have you asked your health visitor or midwife if you are still getting visits from them? Is it possible to put baby in a bouncer or prop carry cot up at an angle? Are there grandparents or friends that can be drafted into help? That sounds so tough.

I’d give the NCT infant feeding helpline a ring and if possible go and get some qualified breastfeeding support. See if you can find a local in person group. Midwives are amazing but not many have much training in lactation.

Before medicating, I’d do a full feeding assessment and look at positions like laid back / natural breastfeeding. In this position baby feeds upright and has all their natural pressure points activated to support them in getting a good latch. This position is often better for reflux babies.

I had this and did co-sleeping but in the form of him sleeping on my chest and I was propped up so he was more upright “chest-sleeping”. It worked and I got light sleep. Obviously apply the relevant safe sleep rules - no bedding above waist etc - and there is some stuff out there on chest sleeping specifically.

I wonder if you can safely prop up the head end of the Moses basket a little so that the reflux has to work against gravity? I would be inclined to contact GP. Good luck. Sleeplessness is torture 💐💐

Solidarity (albeit from 15yrs ago). In retrospect, I wish we’d got more advice and actually done something about it - probably moving him onto bottles and one of the specialist formula - rather than just trying to battle through it on the basis of it being one of those things. I think I was so sleep deprived (like you, this was DC2 so had to be awake and looking after the toddler during the day) that we couldn’t take a step back and make that decision. Nor did we have any local family or long standing friends who could intervene and point out how extreme it was and that we needed to do something.
The only thing that helped - and we didn’t do this until DS was older than your little one is now - was to put him in the BabyBjorn bouncer in the most upright position between feeds during the night.
It might improve. And having a 2wo baby is really hard. Having a 2wo baby with another child is even harder. But don’t necessarily doggedly stick to breastfeeding as it is best. You have already given your baby the best start by breastfeeding as much as you have and he needs to sleep to be able to thrive and you need to sleep to be able to care for your children and yourself.

I am unsure if baby is too young but what about seeing a osteopath for baby? I have clinic close to my house and lots of parents take the babies in

If your nipples are lipstick shaped after a feed then baby is latching shallow, there are various possible reasons for this; positioning & attachment, or tongue tie, also you might have a very strong letdown.

How are you holding baby for feeds? I know it’s not your first baby but it’s not unusual to forget the finer points of newborn latching, and sometimes you need to go back to basics and re-learn.

Make sure baby is tucked in close, tummy to your tummy, one arm/hand above them, the lower arm down and around towards your side, so they are kinda giving you a hug, bottom lower then head, and head tilted back so their chin is against your breast, and big wide mouth to get lots of aureola in, not just nipple, with some aureola visible above the top lip. Try reclining back so you are laid at about 45° so that the baby is literally lying on you in their tummy.

Is baby producing 5-6 heavy wet nappies and is the poo turning yellow/seedy yet or is it still meconium?

Can you afford to see a lactation consultant privately? Multiple midwives missed my DD's tounge tie, and she was much more settled when she had it sorted.

You need to split the nights and you need to actually sleep when it’s your turn. For the first 6 weeks or so, Dh did 7pm to 12/1am (bringing baby to me for a feed about 10pm). He put eldest to bed with baby in sling. I slept. Then we switched. I had baby upright on sofa with me 1am ish til 6am while Dh slept. When time allowed, he took over for an hour or two in the morning so I could sleep until he left for school run and work. After a couple weeks, I could do my second half lying down in bed, so didn’t have to stay up on sofa, so could drift off safely while bedsharing.

You need baby gaviscon. I was BF so had to express and mix in a bottle to get into DD. She’s 17 now but reading your post gave me flashbacks. Get to the GP and demand sone in the morning.

Contact the GP first thing tomorrow to get anti reflux meds. A dummy can also help as the sucking on it keeps them swallowing. I think shifts only work properly if Dad can give a bottle: If you are considering mix feeding you can get special reflux formula that Dad could give whilst you get a decent stretch of uninterrupted sleep.

I slept upright supported by sofa pillows with DS until he was about 6 weeks old. Everyone suggested cosleeping which was extremely frustrating as baby needed to be UPRIGHT. Nothing about it was safe, I was delirious and had constant hallucinations from sleep deprivation.

He turned out to have CMPA, which the GP said was impossible for breastfed babies. I gave up dairy entirely, in spite of medical advice, and he was sleeping 6 hours a night in his crib by 8 weeks old.

Could it be a CMPA? Sending you love, I know the exhaustion. My 5 year old had CMPA and I remember that being awful. Currently have a 5 week old and it’s a different experience this time round and makes me realise how much I struggled before. Please look into it

We had this with DS and I used to strap him into his car seat to sleep for at least part of the night (we put the car seat in the bedroom). As upright as possible. He slept much better like that.

If you're happy to try mixed feeding, then I'd do that and properly take shifts.

If you don't want to introduce the bottle at the moment then I think it's important that your husband sleeps during the cluster feeding times, so he's able to take his shift when you are most likely to sleep. There's no point both of you being awake.

Even if sleep doesn't improve you will get more used to it - how survived with a bottle refusing baby that woke about 10 times a night, and meant I got about 3 hours broken sleep at night for a year, and whilst I thought I'd die, somehow I didn't. Your baby probably won't be anything like that, but it shows how the body can adapt to very little sleep if it really has to.

Honestly though if my baby had taken a bottle life would have been so much easier, so if you can tag team, then do IMO.

Do you have a friend or family member who could come round and hold baby upright during the day so you can have a nap? Newborns tend to sleep longer stretches during the day so you might manage a couple of hours. My mum got through a lot of TV when my reflux-y baby was tiny!

Reflux pillow saves us. Both babies had cmpa

Poor bubba

reflux is often a symptom so need to find the cause. Often is cmpa but not always

ive had babies with severe reflux who haven’t been cmpa - I’m a maternity practitioner

gaviscon I find doesn’t work unless mild reflux and usually constipates baby

Omeprazole helps but needs to be prescribed by doctor

can you pay for some help (if have the budget) and have a maternity night nanny /practitioner for a few nights so can get some rest after your feed and they do the winding /changing /settling /holding

Paediatric Gaviscon from GP (complete lifesaver), try cranial osteopathy, and we were told to hold upright for an hour after feed. We also used a baby bouncer a lot.

Your post brings back so many memories, it was my second too. You have my complete sympathy, it’s a very hard time but you will get through it!

I second elevating the carrier.

Our paediatrician said a 35 degree angle was optimal. So we put DS’s Moses in his cot with a yoga block thingy at one end to get a decent gradient. He slept like that until he got too heavy and when he moved the whole basket moved

I did this

BUT I also found out that DD had tongue tie when she was about 14 weeks. I wish I’d found out earlier as I think that was the real cause of her reflux like symptoms (plus she was probably hungry).

Your DD sounds very much like she may have tongue tie given you mention lipstick nipples and pain.

Midwives are not trained to check for tongue tie unfortunately, although IME some will (wrongly) tell you there isn’t one 🙄. You need a proper check from a trained lactation consultant or oral surgeon. Highly recommend this before you drive yourself mad with reflux meds etc.

Latch doesn't sound great and this is can make them ingest air which can make them windy.

Do get checked for tongue tie as the description of feeding / nipple was similar for us. It was a posterior tongue tie which midwives missed - they said the latch was fine when it wasn't.

Or, switch to bottle / specialist formula and don't feel guilty about it.