How does contact work when an ex lives far away?

[MrPringle]

Does anyone have an ex who for whatever reason is unable to have the kids at their house but also lives long distance so it’s not suitable for a day trip? What does contact look like? We did have him coming down for visits for the day but it was a long way and he didn’t stick to it

I think it might depend on who moved away?

He did

I suspect it often fades. Does he want to make it work?

He is asking for contact yes. Im just hoping to hear from others in this situation and what contact looks like so we can come to an agreement thanks.

Has he applied for a Child Arrangements Order?

DSS lived two hours away from us after his DM moved away. We went and visited at the weekend every three weeks, often staying in a hotel/B&B so we could see him both days and we would collect him and he would come and stay with us for a few nights each holiday. We usually spent our holidays near him too so we could see him for a bit.

No why would he? Im not stopping him seeing them

Thanks im in London so that could be very expensive but I will bare it in mind

How far away?

Not me but I know someone who had holiday visits. In odd years 6 weeks total and in even years 7 weeks. Think he went down a couple of times a year too and had them for the weekend in hotels. Can’t imagine how hard a 3 week block in the summer must of been for themas they were pretty young when it started. The Above was CAO

Not super far, 2 hours. He won’t be able to do that as he can’t have them at his

How is he proposing he manage this request of his? Has he suggested anything?

Same thing comes down and takes them out for a few hours every 2 weeks but from experience he didn’t stick to that last time so trying to work out a way forward

I hate to say it, but IME contact vanishes.

My ex moved 350 miles away. He then stopped paying, and would see them once a year if I was lucky. It was 'too difficult' apparently. Tch.

Thats what already happened but we are trying to reintroduce contact in a way that works for everyone

It’s for your ex to make this work as he moved away. He needs to find somewhere to live which can accommodate his children overnight and drive to you to pick up and drop back, or he stays in a B&B or similar local to you and sees them during the day. If he can’t be bothered to make the effort, you can’t make him care. All you need to do is make them available at the agreed times, the rest is up to him.

He moved away, he should sort it. 2 hours is nothing. Or he should come down, stay 1 night in a B&B. Doesn’t have to be expensive.

Im in London, so it’s expensive, just trying to think of a solution for my children not for him

He needs to show he cares enough about his children to prioritise them. You running trying to solve this for him will not work long term if he won’t make the effort. It just prolongs the inevitable dropping of the rope on his part, which hurts the children more.

I thought that was the case. You are clearly a caring mum and want the best for your children. Good luck.

I don’t see the issue in trying to come up with something, it’s not a problem for me.

Thank you.

I don’t see an issue in trying to think of things, thats how parenting works, you dont just say well it’s your issue you sort it.

friend of ours travels 6 hours every third weekend to spend it with his kids. His ex meets him someone just outside her (mega expensive) city where he has a premier inn or Travelodge booked.

He has them 2/3rds of the school holidays (their mum agreed as it was her that moved away). He generally books cheap caravans or apartments somewhere and takes them there or back to his. The cheap thing may not help in your case as his kids attend Scottish schools and he takes them places when English schools aren’t off.

it’s doable if the parent is willing to put in the effort and can afford to book a couple of months of hotels up front as booking early is often cheaper

My sons dad moved about 2 hours away and he used to come up every other weekend and stay with our son at his mums who was local to me then my son would go down in the holidays. Hes 17 now so doesn't see him that often now.

The distance has never been helpful 🙄

He has no family or friends around here unfortunately

I guess this may be the only option