Grandparent saying they will take me to court to see son

[anonymouss9481913728]

Back story my father didn’t like my sons father, I split from sons father a met someone else in 2022 and my father decided he didn’t like him before even meeting him, he will be nice to his face and say horrible things about him and his family when he’s not around.
when I told my dad we were expecting after trying for 2 years and waiting on ivf best to say he wasn’t pleased around that time my son decided he didn’t want to see his grandad he hated him ext, I have tried for last 8/9 months to fix this as it come out of no where but my father blames my partner saying he is filling his head full of stuff when Infact that isn’t true at all, my son is fine with everyone else including other grandparents and dads side of family.
my dads not that nice to me either always been like that but I just seem to deal with it but distancing myself unless it’s the day my dad sees my son I go with them to mcds or park ect,
he has now said he will be going to a lawyer and the person who will be named as causing this will be my partner and if it involves courts and social work so be it was his words.
like I’ve tired to make sure my son keeps a relationship with him like so hard but my sons not having it and getting threaten with courts social work ext when I’m nearly 9 months pregnant is so stressful
he has only ever seen him on a Sunday for a few hours since was born and the odd Saturday for a sleepover , this was alone since he was about 1 until it changed about 9 months ago when he started saying he hated his granddad and wouldn’t go alone with him but would go with my but would say he hated him didn’t want to speak to him would hide his face ect,
I'm in Scotland not sure if that helps
has anyone had a grandparent go to court for access? I’m not even denying access I make sure my son sees him once a week on the Sunday with me there

Your father sounds horrific why on earth do you facilitate weekly visits. My kids grandparents are lovely but they don't see them that often.

⬆️ Fully agree

Sorry but this sounds like your father has abused, possibly sexually, your son.

Why do you send your DC there? He sounds awful.

Why does your son go every Sunday, that strikes me as odd in the first place, don’t you go for days out etc at the weekends?

I thought the same as @PossumHollow . Please gently coax your son’s reason for hating his grandfather out of him. I feel uneasy about the sudden change together with your father’s extreme insistence on having time with your son.

I work in a school OP, and have had safeguarding training. The fact your son has suddenly decided he hates his grandfather, doesn't want to see him without you and doesn't want to talk about the reasons why, is a whole load of big red flags. My feeling is that your Dad has done or said
(or both) something to your son, that's made him frightened of his grandfather.

You need to listen to your son. He's 6 years old, but is very clearly telling you that he dislikes his grandfather and doesn't want to see him. You need to stop facilitating contact between them, because your son doesn't want it. It's easy for your Dad to blame your partner, for the reason why your son doesn't want to see him, it means he doesn't have to accept responsibility for his own poor behaviour.

Personally, for peace of mind I would seek some legal advice. I don't think for one minute that your Dad stands a chance of securing contact with your son, against your or your son's wishes. Your Dad is a bully and unfortunately he's probably the type to seek advice from a solicitor to frighten you into doing what he wants. Therefore you need to be one step ahead.

I'm so sorry, OP, but i think your son is the only person in the family who has sussed out the full extent of your dad as abuser, and because he's a little kid, has no social filter. He doesn't want to spend time with his abusive grandad. Dont make him.

Your dad is getting angry because he's losing control of the family, so he's getting nasty. I bet your mum and stepmum would recognise his behaviour VERY well.

I didn't see that update, I was still writing whilst also preparing dinner.

I agree he's controlling.

Good luck with that. They have zero rights to access to your children unless both you and the dad have been deemed unsuitable and they have official custody.

BTW OP two things:

Your DS not wanting to see your dad but not being able to verbalise why doesn’t necessarily means he’s been abused, it could well just be your son doesn’t feel safe around your dad but can’t work out how to say that. Listen to that, keep your sons wishes.

Secondly, your dad probably knows he can’t win in court, but he also knows you have seen him win twice as a parent so will fear that. He’s probably banking on your fear keeping you in line so he doesn’t have his bluff called.

My mother was abusive to be as a child and we come from an extremely dysfunctional family when I had my son she tried to control everything I had 2 girls she was never inteeested in them at all. After many years of social workers coming round as they had recieved allegations I was sat down and told by. Sw that it was my mother behind it I cut contact she took me court and fought tried every nasty trick in the book aswell and she lost. Cut abusive ppl away from you and your kids

Would just mention OP that it would be a good idea to tell your son's school that his grandfather must not be allowed to pick him up from school at any time.

Apologies if someone has already advised this.

Nope. No more access. Not even with you. Your son has been very clear he doesn’t want to go, and neither should you. If he isn’t talking it’s because he’s been warned something very bad will happen if he tells you what happened. Your son needs professional help.

I’m sorry you had to go through that.

Oh dear. Im sorry but if your Dad was a nice man your son would absolutely want to spend time with him. The fact he says he doesnt is very telling. Go with your instinct on this one and dont force yourself or your son to see him. He really hasnt got any chance of succeeding and its also very very insightful into the nature of your Dad in the fact that he is making these threats.

Grandparents pretty much never win access- they are just trying to intimidate you.

OP there are red flags all over the place here. The fact that your DS is so vocal about not wanting to see your father, the fact that he suddenly became like this, the fact that he won’t talk about it. The likelihood is that your father has said or done something to your DS and threatened him not to tell. You need to both get away from this abuser and cut him out of your lives.

Any legal claim he tried to make would get thrown out of court.