Grandparent saying they will take me to court to see son

[anonymouss9481913728]

Back story my father didn’t like my sons father, I split from sons father a met someone else in 2022 and my father decided he didn’t like him before even meeting him, he will be nice to his face and say horrible things about him and his family when he’s not around.
when I told my dad we were expecting after trying for 2 years and waiting on ivf best to say he wasn’t pleased around that time my son decided he didn’t want to see his grandad he hated him ext, I have tried for last 8/9 months to fix this as it come out of no where but my father blames my partner saying he is filling his head full of stuff when Infact that isn’t true at all, my son is fine with everyone else including other grandparents and dads side of family.
my dads not that nice to me either always been like that but I just seem to deal with it but distancing myself unless it’s the day my dad sees my son I go with them to mcds or park ect,
he has now said he will be going to a lawyer and the person who will be named as causing this will be my partner and if it involves courts and social work so be it was his words.
like I’ve tired to make sure my son keeps a relationship with him like so hard but my sons not having it and getting threaten with courts social work ext when I’m nearly 9 months pregnant is so stressful
he has only ever seen him on a Sunday for a few hours since was born and the odd Saturday for a sleepover , this was alone since he was about 1 until it changed about 9 months ago when he started saying he hated his granddad and wouldn’t go alone with him but would go with my but would say he hated him didn’t want to speak to him would hide his face ect,
I'm in Scotland not sure if that helps
has anyone had a grandparent go to court for access? I’m not even denying access I make sure my son sees him once a week on the Sunday with me there

Sounds very strange that he’s been alone with him Nd suddenly started not liking going and your dad being hell bent on getting acess… has your dad done something? That said the court won’t give him access.

Yes, SA’d victims can be like that. Very worrying.

What everyone else is tiptoeing round op, is that there are some very concerning signs that your father may have emotionally, physically or sexually abused your son. Perhaps repeatedly.

And no, that he didn't do some of it to you is not evidence that this would be impossible. It is not unheard of at all for grandparents not to abuse their own children, but then go on to abuse their grandchildren.

It is all about power and control, something your father clearly desires, and perhaps feels he is losing.

You should not ignore this. Your first step should be to talk to his school and tell them what you have told us, that he suddenly doesn't want to go to your fathers, and that he does not want to talk about why.

@anonymouss9481913728 fyi; this site

Key Legal Principles
No Automatic Rights: Only parents who have Parental Rights and Responsibilities (PRRs) are automatically entitled to contact.
The Child's Views: Scottish courts are legally required to consider a child’s views if they are old and mature enough to express them. If a grandson clearly and maturely objects to visiting, forcing the contact becomes very difficult, as the court prioritises the child's well-being and best interests.
"Better than no order": The court will only grant an order if it is demonstrably better for the child than making no order at all

What is the likelihood of your Dad taking on the expense of raising a court action?

Very likely as he used the courts to get full custody of me and my sister different mums, my mum I understand but he used to control my sisters mum wouldn’t let her go out ect , controlled her money then eventually won full costosy of her too and has told her from a young age all the bad things her mum done when really all she done in the end was cheat after being controlled for about 10 years

A 6 year old saying they hate someone doesnt come from nowhere. And the fa t your son refuses to talk about it makes me highly suspicious that something untoward happened whilst your son was in his care. You already know your dad is abusive. I would honestly assume the worse and cut your dad of. Show your son he is your first priority. Dont try and mend the relationship. And I would be telling your son you will believe him and protect him and he is safe to tell you anything.

Those were his children. He doesn't have any rights over a grand child. He's bluffing.

I'm scared about what your DS might have gone through. You need to tease that out gently.

I would be extremely concerned if my child had such a visceral reaction to seeing a grandparent. Hiding his face, begging you to stop talking about your dad – this is an extreme display of distress. I'm really sorry to suggest this, but it would have me questioning whether some form of abuse had taken place.

Listen to your child and do not force him to spend time alone with his grandfather.

Very, very serious red flags here.

Firstly, and most important, your child is asking you to protect him from this horrible man. Do not fail him. He will never forgive you and you will never forgive yourself if you do. Stop all contact immediately and over time try to gently tease out why your son doesn't want to be alone with him.

Secondly, you appear to be under his control. Why is there an assumption that he has this default contact, overnights etc? It's as if he was the child's father. He's not, he has no rights. Whatever mechanisms he has used to control women in the past, he is using on you. Get yourself away from him and his manipulation.

Thirdly, he's lying about the courts. He has no rights and won't be given any..

It's past time you opened your eyes to the vile nature of this man OP and get you and your family away from him.

this. And I'd be MASSIVELY concerned that your son won't discuss it.

THIS.⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️
Theres more red flags about this OP @anonymouss9481913728 than at a Chinese parade.
Seriously -your little 6 year old boy is so scared/traumatised he is refusing to see someone, a man, who has a history of not being very nice.
Stop facilitating this man.
Your poor poor boy. It’s your job to keep him safe.

@anonymouss9481913728 somethinf clearly happened to you since okease stop forcing hi to see his grandad. Drop th contact 100% or you are teaching him that people can be abusive and he has to be nice to adults . That’s what abusers rely on.

srop all contact, protect your son. Something happened. He shouldn’t cry for 30mins when you drop him off. Stop all access.

he won’t get anywhere in court. Even if your son like seeing him.

I’m sorry to be blunt, but are you certain your father hasn’t sexually abused your son? His behaviour and fear seem to point to something serious happening that he’s struggling to talk about. Your father is a horrible man regardless and I’d cut him off. He’s got very little chance of success in court and your child is old enough to say he doesn’t want to see him. Stop trying to force the issue. It sounds as though you could both do with some therapy to unravel what is going on here.

With every post from you your Dad sounds more and more abusive. He may well have abused and traumatised your DS, hence DS's wish to avoid him and avoid talking about him or whatever may have happened.

You talk about facilitating access as if that is some great thing that you are bending over backwards to do. Look at it another way - you are FORCING access to an abuser who sounds like he has already terrified your poor child. Stop it! Stop it right now! Cut contact. Your child is actually telling you this loud and clear.

Grandparents have no automatic rights of access to their grandchildren in the UK. On the odd occasion some might have been made the legal guardians of the grandchildren but those are pretty few and far between. Certainly not the case with your Dad.

Cut contact. If your Dad wants to employ a solicitor then let him waste his own money on that. He stands no chance and would probably be laughed out of court, if it even gets that far. It would be wonderfully expensive for him too, which would serve him right.

@anonymouss9481913728 spelling it out. You dad has abused your son. Either physically or sexually. Your son is begging you not to leave him alone eoth him. You are telling your son he has to see his abuser weekly. You are teaching your son this is ok. Please stop it and intact his school and social services or chilling for advice on someone to talk to your son who is trained.

Your son has been abused. Please protect him.

Start protecting your child. And yourself. Stop making him see him.

Say no. Block. Don't answer. You don't have to do what he says.

Grandparents can't claim access to grandchildren unless there was a significant relationship before. Take legal advice from someone who knows what they're talking about - some solicitors do a free half hour.

Just chiming in with the chorus to say your son is TELLING you what has happened without saying it. He’s been abused; either physically or (likely, based on the fact he doesn’t want to talk about it) sexually.

My DD started refusing to see my Dad alone and being ‘mean’ to him when we were all together. I only found out when she was an adult, after he died, that he was sexually abusing her and my nieces. I really wish I’d listened to what she wasn’t saying, instead of ignoring it and deciding she was being rude. I will never forgive myself.

I don't think your dad is abusing your son. That is a bit of a jump to me. I have no idea about your partners and why your father disapproves of them, but your OP does not make things clear on that front. It seems like there have been two significant men in your son's life in a short time frame. Do correct me if wrong. I could theoretically see why a parent might not be enthusiastic about a new partner in that context.

I do think it's either one of two things:

Either your partner does, in fact, say negative things about your father or your son has sensed a vibe of disapproval towards your father. Children can pick up on these things. I remember picking up on a lot of things adults were saying when they thought I was too young to understand.

Or

Your father is talking about your current partner in a negative way to your son. Or he's old school and disciplines him (not necessarily beating or anything, just being a bit stern)

I do think grandparents play an important role in children's lives, it would be great to be able to resolve this out of court. In the meantime you have no obligation to continue allowing access if your son very strongly objects. He doesn't seem to want to talk about it, perhaps someone in his school or a counsellor could discuss it and get him to reveal what it is.

You know he is an abusive coercive controller - yet you are STILL forcing your child to associate with him, even though he's begging you not to make him go?

Wake up!

Be the adult your child needs, not the child you were.

Seek help. A solicitor, a therapist, your child's school. Stop listening to your father's lies about what he can do. He does not have the same legal power he had over your mother and your siblings mother. Even though he thinks he does.

Your son has a right not to be subjected to a horrible abusive, controlling man. Stop all contact now.

It's very concerning that you don't see what a concerning scenario this is.

Your father has done a real job on you, hasn't he?

He seems to be totally abusive, and now he's using you to abuse your son.

Are there parenting classes that you can go to so that you can learn how to parent safely?

Grow up and stop being an utterly shit parent - keep your son away from your father.

Are you going to facilitate abuse of your soon to be born child as well?

FFS, why are you doing this to your son???? Cease contact with your dad immediately. Prioritise your kid and reflect on what you’re doing.

.

Please listen to your son and be his advocate, your son seems very unusually distressed at meeting a grandparent. To your father it’s a game of control. I would block your father to protect your son and look into therapy for your son incase he has been abusive to your son. He seems to think because he won custody of you and your sister, he has rights over your son, he doesn’t, protect your son.

Your Dad got full custody of children for whom he had PRR. “Only parents who have Parental Rights and Responsibilities (PRRs) are automatically entitled to contact”

Your Dad has NO PRR for your Ds, so has no automatic right to access. As he has not been the primary or significant carer for your Ds and your Ds clearly says he does not want contact, your father can try all he likes for access through the courts but he won’t get it.

OP: you know your father is not a good man. You just explained his control and vindictiveness over women, (and I wonder what your Mum hasn’t told you) . You can see he wants to control you - his antipathy towards your partners, and he is clearly trying to control your Ds.

Why on earth would you force your crying-for-30 minutes 6 year old to see him?

Your father has you in his emotional grip.

-Stop sending your child to him immediately
-Consider a course of counselling or therapy to deal with the difficult upbringing you had
-Let your father approach the courts , but ignore him. He will get nowhere with it.