Grandparent saying they will take me to court to see son

[anonymouss9481913728]

Back story my father didn’t like my sons father, I split from sons father a met someone else in 2022 and my father decided he didn’t like him before even meeting him, he will be nice to his face and say horrible things about him and his family when he’s not around.
when I told my dad we were expecting after trying for 2 years and waiting on ivf best to say he wasn’t pleased around that time my son decided he didn’t want to see his grandad he hated him ext, I have tried for last 8/9 months to fix this as it come out of no where but my father blames my partner saying he is filling his head full of stuff when Infact that isn’t true at all, my son is fine with everyone else including other grandparents and dads side of family.
my dads not that nice to me either always been like that but I just seem to deal with it but distancing myself unless it’s the day my dad sees my son I go with them to mcds or park ect,
he has now said he will be going to a lawyer and the person who will be named as causing this will be my partner and if it involves courts and social work so be it was his words.
like I’ve tired to make sure my son keeps a relationship with him like so hard but my sons not having it and getting threaten with courts social work ext when I’m nearly 9 months pregnant is so stressful
he has only ever seen him on a Sunday for a few hours since was born and the odd Saturday for a sleepover , this was alone since he was about 1 until it changed about 9 months ago when he started saying he hated his granddad and wouldn’t go alone with him but would go with my but would say he hated him didn’t want to speak to him would hide his face ect,
I'm in Scotland not sure if that helps
has anyone had a grandparent go to court for access? I’m not even denying access I make sure my son sees him once a week on the Sunday with me there

Let him flap around and make a fool of himself and waste his money. He doesn’t sound like a safe person to have around your son. I’d actually be quite concerned that at 5 he doesn’t want to see him. That indicates to me that these visits are not comfortable ones for him, totally apart from the threats he’s making. He has absolutely no chance. My mum was actually quite close to my dc. She hasn’t seen them now for 6 years for safeguarding reasons. Absolutely nothing she can do about it. Not having her around has made a world of positive difference to our lives.

It sounds like you are clinging onto this relationship because it’s all you’ve got in terms of family. But you’d be so much better off without him and so would your son.

Its always the welfare of the child which is paramount in these cases. Even if your dad was foolish (and rich) enough to engage a solicitor and initiate court action the judge would want to hear from your son what he wished.

It's quite concerning that the only person you're prepared to answer on this thread is the the one who has been wilfully ignorant about and dismissive of the likelihood of abuse.

I have to agree with all the other posters. Because of your own childhood trauma, you are failing to protect your son. You need to find a way to be the parent he needs you to be.

I think you need to find out why your son has suddenly taken against your dad. If he is saying he doesn't want to talk about it, that would make me think he is either embarrassed, ashamed or scared.

Your dad sounds very controlling. I wouldn't worry about him getting access or rights to see your son. But I would worry that he may have done something to upset your son.

Can you try again with your boy. Let him know that you are asking him why he won't see his Grandad not because he is in trouble, but because he sounds upset and that you just want to understand.

It sounds like a difficult situation for you. Put yourself and your children first though.

What are you thinking???
he could be abusing him for all you know, why are you doing this?

You can’t make your “D”F like your DP or behave in a loving and supportive way. What you can do is to stop reacting to his threats and demands and it sounds as though the safest way to achieve that at the moment is to stop all contact, not only with your DS but with you too. You are nearly due DC2 and will be vulnerable, it sounds as though your “D”F will use this to try and gain more control.

From what you’ve said it does sound highly likely that your DS is the victim of sexual abuse here. It’s not just me saying that, it’s been mentioned by many MNers in this thread.

Do not force your DC to see your “D”F. Don’t talk about your “D”F. Don’t tell your “D”F anything about your life or your DS’ life and tell the Pastoral Team at school how upset your DS has been and how you’ve had to cut all contact with your F.

I would also call the NSPCC and ask for advice about your DS’ sudden distress about your F and how your F is using coercive control to try and gain access.

I hope your F does report you to SS. It will be a good chance to talk this through with a professional and get their thoughts on why your DS is so upset and why your F is using every trick in the book to try and gain access to him. In your shoes I’d be half tempted to contact them myself.

Good luck with the new LO and enjoy some peace away from your F.

Your dad is a control freak. Do not force your son to be around him. Tell your dad that if he goes to the courts, you will go NC. There's no way the courts will give him access. You hold all the cards and make sure your dad knows that. He's a bully and needs to be put in his place.

This.

Your dad has no automatic legal right to see your son. His grandson.

For it to be considered in court, he would have to prove that he has had a significant role in his life. This would be relevant if, say, a grandparent took on a shared parenting role when a parent was unable to and the parent now wants to remove the grandparent from the child's life completely.

As a parent with parental responsibility, it is entirely up to you who your child has a relationship with or spends time with.

Are you not absolutely beside yourself with worry about what your Dad may have done to cause your son's reaction? I don't think your Dad should be given any access at all and I think perhaps a Psychologist or Play Therapist or something should be explored.

Why would you allow your father to have unsupervised access to your son, when your son has said he doesn't want this? You need to grow up and protect your child. Your father has no rights regarding seeing him.

Did you read the full thread?
First rule of MN - read the thread before commenting.

This man coercively controlled and abused OP's half-sister's mum for ten years.
He is an abuser.

This was my first thought too.

Op, have you noticed other behaviour issues like wetting the bed, quick to anger etc in your son?

Why is your dad having such a large impact on your life? If my dad didn’t like my husband I’d say get over it I’m an adult woman.

Grandparents have no rights to their grandchildren in the Uk (unless they’re their guardian etc). So he can scream into the wind all he likes but it’s all bluster.

Stop access. Your dad doesn’t have rights to see ds. You are going to damage your relationship with your son if you keep on talking about this and not respecting his pov. Weekly contact with an adult he doesn’t like is excessive and I struggle to see how your son benefits being offered up to a controlling and angry man like your father.

Grandparent rights are for exceptional circumstances like he raised your son for 5 years while you were in prison and you withheld contact after being released.

Op, don’t fail your son, even if he is not being sexually abused, you know your father, you know how abusive he can be and was in the past. I imagine you spent most of your early life walking on eggshells to avoid the anger of your dad, but you need to pull yourself out of that conditioning to protect your children.

There is no need to open the door to him, cut him off, and don’t put the next generation on a tray for him to upset and abuse. I can assure you he has no way to take you to court, he wouldn’t even get a court date as he has no legal claim to request access. Seek support in your partner and block him, if he cared a bit about you he wouldn’t be stressing you about all this when you are just days away from giving birth.

I'd send a succinct message with the facts attached re needing to prove he had parental responsibilities of your child, to show him that you know your stuff and he will lose. Then I'd stop seeing t bh, you owe him nothing and if your son can see that as a child then that's fantastic that he's cut him out of his life.

TBH I wouldn't even do that. It sends the signal that you think his bluster deserves attention.

I'd ignore, or just say something along the lines of 'Ill wait to hear from your solicitor'.

My first thought was "has your son been sexually abused?" I'm sorry but it just has that vibe. I do know it could be lots of things. He won't make eye contact, shuts down any attempt to talk, SOMETHING has happened. Someone he feels safe with and trusts should gently try to get him to open up. It could be something as innocuous as wetting the bed and being embarrassed, but it's something!

Your son is SIX, doesn’t like your father and won’t say way and tells you to stop talking about it.
you know this is very very peculiar and is very possibly an indication that your father is behaving in an inappropriate manner with your son don’t you?

I would go further and ask to help from your GP or speak to your local police and ask them for advice.

My kids hated seeing my mum because she’s cold, and doesn’t speak to them directly. I stopped the visits and went alone instead. She asked where they were and I told the truth. I’m not going to force my children to meet someone they don’t like, because it’s family. Similarly I hated visiting my grandma because she would say horrible things about my mum, I stopped visiting and no one made me go.

OP how often has your son been left alone with your dad?

I wouldn’t force him to see his Grandad - something must have occurred if he is not like this with other relatives. Who knows what he might have said to him about the new baby coming along and your partner.

You father is bullying you essentially and more likely if social services did get involved would be investigating why your son doesn’t want to see him and potentially them saying he can’t see him.

@anonymouss9481913728- it must be scary as this is your dad, and you are clearly used to obeying your dad and the idea that he gets what he wants. But it’s ok to say this relationship isn’t working.

just stop the contact. Your dad won’t get the courts to grant time from what you’ve said. Let him waste his money.

Your horrible father is dreaming if he thinks he's got a leg to stand on.