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Original poster

Am I allowed to stop my partners mum from seeing my baby?

90 replies

SimplyElla · 25/05/2026 10:31

I got along with my partners family for 4 years before we had our baby. My baby is 1 now and sees her grandparents every couple months. When she was a newborn it was every few days but eventually my boyfriend’s mum stopped coming over. Something happened which I wasn’t very happy about, some last minute plans my boyfriend had to go to (we were told the day before) and he works on and off 6 out of 7 days and this was a weekend where he had 2 days off, this just meant I would be taking care of my baby on my own the following day which I was pretty upset about as I was really looking forward to having 2 days just us as a family since it’s usually just the 1 day. I sent his mum a message just saying in future I’d be grateful if you could let me know more in advance as I have to then do everything solo. It was more detailed than that but either way it was a nice message just wanting a heads up next time, not the day before. I don’t get any help with my baby other than my boyfriend (her dad) so I really do look forward to having an extra pair of hands - which I feel like his mum doesn’t understand. Her response to my message was “fuck off”. Just plain and simple, to say I was shocked was an understatement. She’s quite known to be rude but I didn’t expect that, purely just for the sake of her son and grandchild. I deleted her and blocked her number. I then shared a TikTok along the lines of “no respect for the mom, no access to the baby” and this then got sent to his mum via her family members that I have on there. She then messaged my boyfriend saying “I’m throwing shots at her on social media” and that she now doesn’t respect me at all and wants absolutely nothing to do with me. No apology, nothing. My boyfriend spoke to her and said it wasn’t right for her to reply that however he also thinks I shouldn’t have messaged in the first place and that we all “played our part”. He was willing to break up with me if I tried to stop her seeing our baby. She’s now seen our baby twice since this has happened and both times I’ve been pretty upset about it. My boyfriend takes our daughter to her house and I hate being away from her anyway let alone around people I know hate me. Is there anyway I can prevent this, would anyone else allow this, am I wrong to want to stop her seeing her grandchild?

OP posts:
Justusethebloodyphone · 25/05/2026 11:16

The social media is more than immature. It’s toxic behaviour. Trying to weaponise her child to gain the upper hand. This type of behaviour needs recognising and addressing by the OP as it could lead to a very damaging childhood for the baby, especially if she separates from the father.

They’ll be plenty of people on social media saying ‘you go girl’, ‘let the bitch mil know who’s boss’, ‘your baby your rules’ etc etc etc. None of which helps the OP recognise her responsibility to her child.

Living through this in our extended family at the moment…poor kids.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 25/05/2026 11:16

Your boyfriend could have said no, he didn’t ‘have’ to go to whatever plans had been made. If he chose to go you should have taken it up with him, not his mum.

She shouldn’t have responded as she did but it was pretty cheeky of you to message in the first place, your baby is the responsibility of you and your boyfriend and if you weren’t happy to be in your own with the baby you should have spoken to him, not blamed his mum.

To then not only block her but also post about it on TikTok was ridiculous and just adding fuel to the drama. Now you’re wanting to use your poor baby as a weapon and deny a relationship with one side of the family because of your petty behaviour.

You’re a parent now, maybe time to grow up and stop acting like a teenager. Is this the kind of role model you want to be to your child?

RoseField1 · 25/05/2026 11:27

Of course you can't. And you really need to grow up, you sound about 14.

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Namechangeforthusone11 · 25/05/2026 11:32

Oh God. You sound like an absolute nightmare.

So you've both been rude to each other and now you don't want her to see her own sons baby?

That poor baby being brought up in this sort of hostile environment

Doesn't sound like she's been abusive to you, her son, or the baby?

You sound awful

Original poster
SimplyElla · 25/05/2026 11:32

The fuck off was before then lol

OP posts:
chirrupybird · 25/05/2026 11:32

Scarlettjune · 25/05/2026 11:00

Many women also stop their ex partner from seeing the baby

Show quote history

It's his baby too, I don't think one parent can stop the other parent seeing their child unless there are serious safeguarding issues.

Justusethebloodyphone · 25/05/2026 11:37

SimplyElla · 25/05/2026 11:32

The fuck off was before then lol

I think everyone is quite capable of understanding the chain of events.

Original poster
SimplyElla · 25/05/2026 11:38

That is why I’m asking for opinions. I would also like to add that multiple things boiled up before this. I was called fat by her multiple times while pregnant and still after given birth. My bf said this is just how she knows to make communication and how she is. So I already somewhat didn’t like her I guess.

OP posts:
Original poster
SimplyElla · 25/05/2026 11:40

I did take it up with him too, he knew I was upset with him and that I just wanted a few more days notice so that I could plan something to do with my baby

OP posts:
Original poster
SimplyElla · 25/05/2026 11:43

My partner did speak to her, all I wanted was an apology for the fuck off comment and then I would’ve kept my distance but I would have moved past it. She refused and said she just wants nothing to do with me. I thought for the sake of her son and grandson she would’ve just done the same but no.

OP posts:
McSpoot · 25/05/2026 11:45

SimplyElla · 25/05/2026 11:43

My partner did speak to her, all I wanted was an apology for the fuck off comment and then I would’ve kept my distance but I would have moved past it. She refused and said she just wants nothing to do with me. I thought for the sake of her son and grandson she would’ve just done the same but no.

Do you have two kids? A boy and a girl?

Also, the same could be said for you - for the sake of your boyfriend and son/daughter, you could have no posted a passive-aggressive TikTok.

Look, she's not coming out well here either, but you can only control you. And you cannot block her from her grandchild.

Namechangeforthusone11 · 25/05/2026 11:46

SimplyElla · 25/05/2026 11:43

My partner did speak to her, all I wanted was an apology for the fuck off comment and then I would’ve kept my distance but I would have moved past it. She refused and said she just wants nothing to do with me. I thought for the sake of her son and grandson she would’ve just done the same but no.

So now, because she has essentially "rejected" you, you want to "punish" her by not letting her see her sons child ( her grandchild ) 🤦‍♀️ you need to grow up

inmyhair · 25/05/2026 11:46

If she's said she wants nothing to do with you (and I kind of understand why) then you can't do anything other than accept this.

To deny her access to the baby just because she doesn't want anything to do with you is very spiteful.

A word of advice from a old bird, nip this in the bud now and put the whole thing behind you.

Original poster
SimplyElla · 25/05/2026 11:46

I didn’t post it myself, I reposted it but yes probably immature of me. I did repost something similar 2 weeks before this issue so it wasn’t directly aimed at her it was a generalisation but I understood why she thought it was.

OP posts:
WhyamIinahandcartandwherearewegoing · 25/05/2026 11:47

Had sympathy till the tik tok mention. Are you 16???

McSpoot · 25/05/2026 11:48

SimplyElla · 25/05/2026 11:46

I didn’t post it myself, I reposted it but yes probably immature of me. I did repost something similar 2 weeks before this issue so it wasn’t directly aimed at her it was a generalisation but I understood why she thought it was.

Really? If you think people will believe that it was just random and nothing to do with her (you’ve already said that you had felt disrespected by her for a long time), I have a bridge to sell you…

CaptainMyCaptain · 25/05/2026 11:48

NotTheOrdinary · 25/05/2026 10:34

You sound as bad as each other.

Yes.

Original poster
SimplyElla · 25/05/2026 11:48

No we got along fine beforehand, apart from the fact she called me “fatty” all throughout my pregnancy and said after I gave birth “I’ll never get my body back” which I was upset about and my bf had to tell her to stop. So I always thought she was rude before but kept my mouth shut up until this time.

OP posts:
Soontobe60 · 25/05/2026 11:51
  1. you don’t need to ‘plan’ things when taking care of your baby.
  2. sometimes last minute things crop up
  3. your partner could have told his mum that he wasn’t available to attend this last minute event
  4. it was for him to deal with his mum, not you - you just interfered
  5. I’d love to see the causal text exchange between you and her
  6. snide digs posted on TicToc are pathetic
  7. weaponising your child against your child’s grandmother is just awful
  8. is your child a girl, boy or trans?
Justusethebloodyphone · 25/05/2026 11:53

SimplyElla · 25/05/2026 11:46

I didn’t post it myself, I reposted it but yes probably immature of me. I did repost something similar 2 weeks before this issue so it wasn’t directly aimed at her it was a generalisation but I understood why she thought it was.

Who else would it really have been aimed at. Do you have multiple conflicts and people wanting access to your baby ?

It sounds like you and MIL have both been on power trips and you wanted to prove you had the upper hand because you have the baby. This is the time to grow up, it takes two to have this kind of conflict. Focus on your relationship and communication with your boyfriend.

No-one is saying your MIL was justified in her response but you didn’t have to send a message like that in the first place and you definitely don’t need to post aggravating and childish TikTok’s.

Original poster
SimplyElla · 25/05/2026 11:54

She didn’t even say it was rude
, she just said it was “patronising” but I believe this is because she stopped coming over to see the baby (didn’t see her for 2 months, I thought everything was fine and she was busy) but it was because she had an issue with a group chat we had where I would share photos of the baby. She thought the whole mums side was removed from it, but they weren’t. The group chat just no longer existed for me to put pictures in there. I was unaware she thought this was my doing and neither did my bf until she told him about this. It’s messy.

OP posts:
Groobey · 25/05/2026 11:54

SimplyElla · 25/05/2026 11:46

I didn’t post it myself, I reposted it but yes probably immature of me. I did repost something similar 2 weeks before this issue so it wasn’t directly aimed at her it was a generalisation but I understood why she thought it was.

You really expect us to believe that?

You’re sounding worse with each post.

InWithPeaceOutWithStress · 25/05/2026 11:57

Your MIL sounds awful and in your position I’d also limit my time with her. Unfortunately I don’t think you can stop your bf taking your baby to visit her.

The best you could do is deal with your resentment and get over it as best you can. Enjoy the time to yourself when your bf takes the baby to visit. See the positives in having time to yourself or time to spend with a friend. Relish those times as a well deserved break.

In time, things can get swept under the carpet and you’ll be able to keep a polite distance at family events.

Original poster
SimplyElla · 25/05/2026 11:57

I don’t want to break up with him no. I just don’t want his mum making any comments about me to my baby (she’s said not very nice comments about family members to me before, ‘she looks awful’, ‘she’s just fat’) etc I wouldn’t want my baby coming home one day picking up something she’s said about me. All I wanted was an apology for the ‘fuck off’ but she doesn’t want to.

OP posts:
McSpoot · 25/05/2026 11:59

SimplyElla · 25/05/2026 11:57

I don’t want to break up with him no. I just don’t want his mum making any comments about me to my baby (she’s said not very nice comments about family members to me before, ‘she looks awful’, ‘she’s just fat’) etc I wouldn’t want my baby coming home one day picking up something she’s said about me. All I wanted was an apology for the ‘fuck off’ but she doesn’t want to.

Did you apologize for your TikToks?