Childminder does a better job than I do with my child

[UnsureIsMyMiddleName]

Anyone else feel like their baby has a much better routine at the childminder's than at home? At the childminder's she finishes all her food, finishes her flaxseeds with yoghurt and has the one nap at 1-3pm. At home she has two naps, doesn't finish her food and doesn't finish her flaxseeds with yoghurt. She's 16 months old.

What are the flax seeds for?

Oh hell yes. See also happy to walk rather than being carried or in the pushchair.

I am a childminder of 14 years.
Children ALWAYS behave better with us than with their parents, some of it is because they see the other kids eating and copy them, the main reason is because it’s so much easier for cms to set boundaries and follow them through even if we initially get tantrums etc, we are not as emotionally bonded as the parents so the crying/tantrums etc don’t affect us the same.
Thats not to say we don’t dearly care for them!
And I have lost count of the times when my beautifully behaved children suddenly turn into little monsters when the parents pick up!
Its completely normal, try not to take it to heart, we have to enforce the boundaries or with 3/4 toddlers to care for every day it would be chaos.

Whats the flaxseed obsession about 😅

My cm is great she does goo and makes slime and messy play and lots of nonsense I wont.
takes them.amazing places i cant be bothered to...
That doesnt make her a better mother than me though!

I am separately and by my own standards a great mum. I painstakingly found and selected her FOR her different skill set (further conclusive proof of how great I am as a mother 😅)

I like your style 🤣

OP

see the post from the childminder above - if you can hold your nerve and withstand the crying / tantrums similarly, you should be able to achieve something similar.

Are flaxseeds and yogurt not part of her food?
seriously though, children often behave better in childcare as they’re not at home.

Surely it's normal for kids to do what they are supposed to do at the childminder/school/nursery?
They bring their whole self to your at home, whereas at the cm they are holding it in just a bit until they get home.
One of ours used to have huge meltdowns at pickup after being "fine" all day. There was nothing we did in that 1 second that caused it!
As a parent you just have to pick your battles and keep your relationship with your child going. There's no good or or bad, it's just parenting.

I’m mostly here to find out what’s the deal with the flaxseeds? But also this is normal for kids to behave in childcare

I’ve never had kids “hold it in”.
Its just that we deal with it a different way, less emotional involvement means a different approach.

She often suffers from constipation so I've introduced flaxseeds recently to help and she doesn't take to it well at home but has it all without fuss when she's at the childminder's

I always do a "better job" with other people's kids because it's easier ; you are not so emotionally close and attached to each other which makes the kids more compliant and it's easier to deal with eventual whining etc because it doesn't hurt you in your gut. EVERYONE I know says the same thing. So don't worry- you are the best MOTHER to your child and it looks like you have found the best CHILDMINDER to your child. Having said that you can always ask for advice from someone who is used to taking care of children in a professionnal capacity but don't doubt yourself 💗

Oh they are always behaved better with other people than their own parents. They know who they can push the boundaries with. They also have a sheep mentality with other kids who aren’t their siblings too.

The cook at our nursery had her daughter in one of the groups. Her daughter ate all the food perfectly at nursery but wouldn’t touch the same meals at home. The setting changes things.

Yeah my 2 year old eats better, sleeps better and behaves better with everyone else (eg nursery, grandparents) compared to me

Im a 39 year old in my health and fitness era, and I wouldn't be finishing my flax seed and yoghurt either....

Mine both had excellent routines with me at home as babies/toddlers. They ate well and napped at the same time every day. I always trusted myself to establish and implement routines, but I think many have become convinced that a professional can do a better job, which I never did. I’ve also never struggled to say ‘no’, ‘not now’ or ‘stop’ to mine, it’s my job to be the adult and set limits. That is being loving.

You’re full time, they’re part time, you’re likely on your first/second kid. They will have done this with 50 kids before. So many reasons it’s basically incomparable.

*most children are more compliant in childcare for various reasons
*most childminders don’t take any nonsense, we’re just not as emotionally guilted by them and vast experience tells us that it’s ok to cry/tantrum and be supported through it.
*we’re trained, experienced and paid to be “better” thats what we’re doing, we’re not trying to do anything else at the same time. It’s our job.
*don’t worry about it, you are her safe place where she can push boundaries more and it’s really normal.

Totally normal and widely known that kids are ‘better’ in childcare with regard to food, sleep; behaviour? Don’t know why you’re surprised. They are their true selves with their parents. Why does it matter if she has 2 naps and doesn’t want to eat something at home? Pick your battles. Mine eats all sorts at nursery - it’s great as then I can give her easy food at home and dont have to try new things!

Were you working a paid job full time too?

Amazing, innit, that a professional does a better job than a lay person? Wait, further discoveries await you on your 'parenting journey', like a maths teacher will be better at teaching your child maths than you and your husband, same goes for a physics teacher, a dance teacher, and just about any professional. I am sure that what you do professionally will knock the socks off a lay person trying to do it.

In general kids behave best for people that they like and feel safe with, but don’t love.

They’ll behave better for childminders, then at nursery, then at school, then at their friend’s houses, then at uni, then at their jobs and house shares.

You will always see their worst behaviour! It’s an unfortunate fact of parenting. They will always release any stress/anger/anxiety through bad behaviour around the people that they feel completely safe with and know love them unconditionally. The same for testing boundaries - they will always push you more.

So don’t feel like you’re doing something wrong here, it’s just a normal aspect of parenting.

Thanks all. She's not really that naughty but she really does push it when it comes to eating her main meals which is the polar opposite of what she does with anyone else. She makes me question my cooking 🤣

If constipation is your core issue my friend who is a nurse gave me a tip which was...sausages!

It's the high fat content that makes then work a treat apparently.
I had some issues with my oldest despite a good diet and this worked well for us.
its my go to solution and now the kids get sausages twice a week dinner mid week and sunday fry up as preventative measure (&bonus calories for my skinny DS)

They are also way more delicious than flax seeds delicious!

(I work full time and had 2 under 2... I know its hard but you just had to trust your judgement. I think the fact I was able to work from home so got quality play for 45 mins am and pm helped. Your dc are also still so young once they start talking it all get easier - they tell me they love me a lot 😅 - my youngest is 2 now and its great)