Childminder does a better job than I do with my child

[UnsureIsMyMiddleName]

Anyone else feel like their baby has a much better routine at the childminder's than at home? At the childminder's she finishes all her food, finishes her flaxseeds with yoghurt and has the one nap at 1-3pm. At home she has two naps, doesn't finish her food and doesn't finish her flaxseeds with yoghurt. She's 16 months old.

No, looking after my own children is my full time job.

What a snarky reply!

No, just honest. If you take full responsibility every day for anything in life, it is generally easier to implement consistent routines. Common sense.

You must have a husband with enough money to cover the bills. Lucky you.

Also, people don't always think the professionals can do a better job, it's because they have no choice because they have to work... you should really think before you speak.

I can say what I like and am entitled to my own opinion actually. All parents get fed by the government is that paid professionals can do a better job than a child’s actual mother, and I find that laughable.

I’ve read somewhere that kids let out their real feelings with their parents because they feel safe and bonded enough to do so. It may or may not be true, but it used to give me a little bit of comfort after a particularly shitty day 🤣

Fascinating about the government feeding that narrative to the parents. Where?

Have you missed the majority of political parties pushing free childcare hours for babies from 9 months old? Trying to normalise the outsourcing of vital care and attachment building so they can get more tax off mothers. No thanks!

They do weird things. At home my DS has a nap after lunch. At the childminders he has a nap in a stationary pram in her house at 10am… if I tired to put him in a pram at home and just expected him to go to sleep in the hall he’d laugh his head off 🤣

It doesn’t mean they’re going a better job, it’s just different. Kids accept boundaries much more easily from people who aren’t their parents because they don’t have as much confidence to push back on them. It doesn’t mean they’re better.

@OutandAboutMum1821 it’s a good job you are so secure in yourself and your parenting because your children will face their own challenges. You need to humble yourself because you’ll find however great a job you think you’ve done, they’ll have challenges/ friendship challenges at school and clubs and it’ll really help if other parents like you.

Unless it’s that teachers can do a better job of teaching your child something because they have knowledge and experience to do that, then I also have no idea where this person is coming from?!! I’ve never heard this from any government!

The nursery and reception workers (both male and female), did a far better job in the stuff they were paid and trained for than I could do. In terms of love and feeling cared for and being unconditionally supported - well I think my husband and I did the best job.

Why just mothers? Surely fathers are being incentivised to pay tax too? What about all the funding for care homes? Doesn’t that incentivise people not caring for their family too?

Just because the option is there, it doesn’t mean you have to use it. But, it’s very useful for those that have to or want to.

I am confident in my parenting, I dislike the current narrative of whinging on about how difficult everything is, roll your sleeves up and get on with it! You get out what you put in, have a positive attitude! I’ve got plenty of friends amongst both my children’s classes thanks, you clearly are the one who cannot tolerate difference of opinion.

Because babies need their mums, men and women are different, funnily enough dads can’t birth babies and can’t breastfeed. So sad how many mothers have lost touch with their unique and irreplaceable role nurturing their own children! I am so proud to be a mother, I don’t want to be a man!

I don’t think anybody is pushing anything! It’s no secret that many women actually want to return to work after having children. The advertisements are there because nobody would bloody know! Nobody is saying go back to work because someone else can raise your kid better. They’re enabling women so that those who want to work for whatever reason - be it passion, career, financial, independence or those who want to be SAHMs but need space to just be themselves for a minute can!

I’m not sure what you mean about can’t tolerate a difference of opinion. I am a primary school teacher, I didn’t work for 8 years until my youngest went to school. But I have the ability to understand we’re all different, what’s right for me ( and I had the immense privilege of being able to live on one income) and my children isn’t right for thousands of other families. I have the utmost respect for all the parents who are accountants , engineers, waitresses etc etc who are trying to establish good routines and wonder why someone who is less emotionally invested and is with their children 8 hours a day might make it look easier. Surely that parent needs reassurance that it is easier, not being told to roll their sleeves up and stop whinging. You really could show some empathy for someone not in the same position as you. I’m glad you have plenty of friends , I hope it lasts.

You need to open your eyes to the big world you are living in as you are missing a very big point here. I agree that, generally, babies are best raised 24/7 by at least one of their primary caregivers (ideally the mother) for the first three years of their life at least. However, some people can't afford to do that unfortunately, and that doesn't mean they haven't got a bond with their primary caregivers, and you are not a very nice person for even insinuating that in a post where I'm clearly feeling like I'm doing something wrong. But that doesn't mean I'm a bad parent, I don't have a choice as I have to work. Many full time parents still struggle with aspects of parenting so where are they going wrong? You've either lived a very sheltered life or come from a very privileged background to not appreciate that, in today's day and age and living in London as I am, both parents need to work to keep that roof over their heads!

I’d feel like I was doing something wrong too, I’d never tolerate my kids settling better with another women, I’d feel disempowered as a mother. You want people to agree and make you feel better, and most will in this society, as convenience wins. If something isn’t working out for you, change it. Move out of London. Make sacrifices. Most people won’t actually DO anything though. Life can be simpler and less stressful.

You are incorrect about me. I am neither sheltered nor privileged. I have suffered more loss and tragedy than most. I don’t complain though. I am not rich, my husband is not a high earner. But I believe we have got our priorities right.

I do my best so that my baby doesn't feel my absence - I didn't go back to work until my baby was 14 months old and breastfeeding less frequently, and I pump at work so my supply isn't affected and so I can give my milk to the childminder to give to her (which she refuses to have anyway). Now that I think about it, that's probably why she eats better with the childminder, because she doesn't have milk there whereas when she's at home with me, she'll breastfeed at least twice during working hours, and that probably fills her up somewhat.

You are a much stronger woman than me it sounds like. A tad judgemental but I respect the opinions you have at least.

It’s easier to establish routines when one person does it consistently. I’m actually a qualified teacher too, again, far easier to do in that capacity when you are there day in day out 5 days a week

I have many friends who have done nothing but endlessly complain about every single thing they dislike about things their childminder does or doesn’t do to their own exacting standards. Same with nurseries. I think they should either show more gratitude and appreciation for the help, these underpaid professionals provide them with, or stop complaining and do it themselves!

I’m not actually judgmental towards individual mothers, I feel sorry for them or frustrated on their behalf if they are forced into situations they don’t fully agree with or really feel right about. I honestly think mothers have now for a very long time been talked down to, their unpaid care work treated by society as if it is nothing, when to their children it is everything, they are everything!

I also feel very frustrated on behalf of any mum, or dad for that matter, who is priced out of being around more. I am of course aware of and appreciate the spiralling cost of living, and this hits families with dependents especially hard. I would like families with young children to really be able to afford and make genuine choices about care during the first 3 years in particular.

You sound like a great mum by the way, who cares, questions things and is trying hard. I wish you well 💐

Well, that’s the most human and reasonable you’ve sounded! Aren’t we lucky to enjoy being teachers and get to be with our own children. But seriously, your friends complain about childminders/ nurseries so why don’t they do it themselves? Because they are invested in the careers they enjoy and would stall if they took 8 years out, they just want the best for their children and are disappointed if the people they trust with them aren’t doing as they’d hoped , that shows what great parents they are! Just because a woman gives birth and spends 9 months maternity leave doesn’t mean they all should not pursue a career, leaving their baby with a trusted childminder/ nursery, surely you want your own daughters to have that option, your son’s partners so your sons aren’t solely financially responsible for raising a child and all the children you have taught? Don’t you want some of those girls and boys to be stay at home parents and some to keep on with their careers, you must see there is not one correct path and that’s what equality is all about, choice? Lastly you were really polite and open in your last post but I tell my children, happy people say happy things, if someone was unkind to you today they probably have a horrible home life, so ignore it and feel sorry for them.

What a horribly patronising reply.
My lovely parents HAVE to both work, luckily they know they are leaving their precious children with someone who will care for them, nourish them, and give them amazing experiences every day.
But I also know every single one of those mums feels incredible “mum guilt” that they can’t do that every day, as they have to work.
I find your pious attitude to be reprehensible, to be honest.