Childminder does a better job than I do with my child

[UnsureIsMyMiddleName]

Anyone else feel like their baby has a much better routine at the childminder's than at home? At the childminder's she finishes all her food, finishes her flaxseeds with yoghurt and has the one nap at 1-3pm. At home she has two naps, doesn't finish her food and doesn't finish her flaxseeds with yoghurt. She's 16 months old.

Our childminder took them out for long walks, did loads of crafts, taught them table manners, healthy meals, very rarely watched TV. Much better parenting than us! Very sad that she stopped childminding when my youngest still needed looking after.

I know plenty actually who don’t have to work, but refuse to give up certain things. It’s often a choice.

Shows how far society has fallen when it is considered ‘reprehensible’ when a mother consistently cares for her own children every day. It’s called being responsible and putting your child’s needs first. But then, of course you’ll be ruffled by that, as you’d be out of a job if more mothers stepped up- it suits you to have so many disempowered and handing them over to you. Not a position I’d ever have myself in!

Fortunately, more parents are waking up- I had utmost respect for those who home educate if they feel it is necessary. Good for them!

Nothing to be proud of - you are the parent! I’d be so embarrassed to speak like this, you are more than capable of doing all that stuff 🤦🏻‍♀️

Oh give over!
You are obviously speaking from a place of privilege where you can afford to be a stay at home mum.
I really wonder why people like you comment on a post like this…are you so determined to prove how much better you are than working mums ?
It reeks of an inferiority complex.
And don’t worry yourself, I will never be out of work, too many mums need/ want to work.
Luckily they have me to support them in everything,
Unlike you it seems, I support women.

The idea that mums should do 100% of childcare themselves is actually quite a modern expectation. For most of history, kids were raised by whole families and communities - grandparents, aunties, older siblings, neighbours, family friends etc. Women still had to work, cook, clean, farm, collect water, and do everything else, so childcare was shared. I'm sure you've heard of the saying "it takes a village to raise a child."

People act like using a childminder or nursery means someone else is “raising your child”, but humans have literally always relied on other trusted adults to help raise children. What’s probably more unnatural is expecting one parent to do it all alone with barely any support.

I comment to remind mothers that despite all the societal brainwashing, they are perfectly capable of caring for their own babies/toddlers and that so called ‘expert’ help is optional.

I agree that the loss of a communal network in the form a large, extended family who are local is a great loss of support for modern families.

Not optional if you need two incomes though is it?

This is normal
The CM sole task is to care for the children focus on them
You have to balance work, sorting the home, any pets, a relationship, and loads of other things

As previously stated, it’s debatable that 2 incomes are always needed. Some parents downsize, some move to a cheaper area, some work opposite hours, some have fewer children, some go without plenty of material things. Plenty still manage on one income.

Not a childminder but have previously worked in a similar carer respite role where i get a lot of, I wish I had that energy, I wish I could be that patient type responses

My normal response is about the difference of looking after vs living with.

I have whole bits of my life that are my own eg weekends. My sole responsibility is caring for them, and while I might do some other tasks it's no big deal if I don't get round to it. Sometimes I have a little count down in my head of how long I've got left.

Caring on a good night's sleep for 5 hours and waving them off home, is very different to after months of doing it, around a job and while you are also trying to maintain a house or sort life admin.

My work me is very different to the me that my kids had!

Also no one knows how to push your buttons like your own kids

And…shock horror! Some women want a career AND children!

I think people are missing the valid point @OutandAboutMum1821 is making here. Being a full-time mum is one of the most important roles you can have — you are raising the future generation and workforce, and the first three years are key to a child’s development and future relationships.

Having said that, unfortunately the UK’s statutory maternity policy isn’t really designed around this reality, and many mothers have to return to work far sooner than they would like, regardless of their personal views on childcare (notwithstanding the points @OutandAboutMum1821 made about making sacrifices where possible).

A paid career can often be paused and revisited later in life. The early years of your child’s life cannot. That doesn’t mean working mothers love their children any less — many simply don’t have the financial freedom to make a different choice.

I’m so proud of being a mother and my husband is so proud of being a father. I don’t want to be a man and my husband doesn’t want to be a woman. Birthing a baby took me about 30mins, we both fed the baby. Either way, that’s a very small proportion of caring for a human when you take into account their whole life. I think both men and women have the most important role in caring for their own child.

I think a lot of men aren’t able to get paid for taking the time off they would like to care for their child.

My husband and I were fortunate enough to be able to share parental leave as we had the money to do this. We were both also fortunate that we could afford for either of us to stay home with the child if we wanted to. We were lucky we had that choice. We both decided that working full time and raising a child were not incompatible and feel we have a strong family with lots of love, happiness, support and care. I know we are in a very fortunate position and we both appreciate what we have.

OP, I wanted to reply more constructively to your specific initial queries and situation as it is:

• The most important thing is that your baby is napping, even if the number of naps is different, that’s great naps are happening both at home & with their CM.
• Thinking back, I think mine were both still on 2 naps at that age. It could be getting to a natural transition time between 2 naps down to 1. That can become inconsistent even if at home/in one place napping every day. That also definitely happens when they eventually drop their one long nap to none, it is on and off for a while as they transition out of napping.
• There are some great guides you can google for rough ‘awake window’ times for different ages, which link to the ideal number of naps. These are just a rough guide though, each baby’s sleep needs will vary.
• Could you and your CM have a good chat about whether 1 or 2 naps feels like a general ‘best fit’ for now overall, and agree to stick to the same timing if it is worrying you?
• I think your point earlier in the chat about milk feeds being different could contribute to differences in eating. I remember reading that it can be helpful to consider a daily/weekly food intake, looking at it more holistically may help reassure that over a typical week, your baby is eating and drinking enough of the right foods (sounds like this is the case).

Hope this is of some help to a mum who clearly cares a lot.

Yeah mine did too but DD is in her 30s now and pretty great so I’m not bothered about it. I don’t think I ever was. I never expected to be perfect.

The OP wants to know how other people’s children behave with the childminder, not if your children are in a good routine at home.